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#435047 - 05/18/13 02:44 PM pbert53
Obi Online   content
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1291
Loc: kansas
goodbye my dear brother, paul...

you have given me so much hope...

God has called you home to be with him... may you now have the innocence that was taken away from you...

love you always, brother...


Edited by Obi (05/18/13 02:45 PM)
_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

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#435066 - 05/18/13 05:39 PM Re: pbert53 [Re: Obi]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3600
Loc: South-East Europe
Hey Obi, good to see you!
what happened to Paul?
_________________________
My story

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#435069 - 05/18/13 06:53 PM Re: pbert53 [Re: Obi]
Life's A Dream Offline


Registered: 08/25/11
Posts: 886
Loc: Bouvet Island
No! What happened?! I just talked to him!

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#435119 - 05/19/13 03:44 AM Re: pbert53 [Re: Obi]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3600
Loc: South-East Europe
Paul will be remembered as warm, friendly and very courageous man frown
I'm praying for him and his family....

Igor aka Pero
_________________________
My story

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#435122 - 05/19/13 04:12 AM Re: pbert53 [Re: Obi]
Life's A Dream Offline


Registered: 08/25/11
Posts: 886
Loc: Bouvet Island
I'm tearing up right now. I wish I'd gotten a chance to know him better. I read over our last (fairly long) PM exchange. I couldn't get through all of it. It was nothing but pessimism and negativity from me, and nothing but encouragement and optimism from him. I've never shown one ounce of appreciation for the optimists on this site. His last words to me- about 4 days ago- were:

"good luck Bryan, (((((Bryan)))))

peace

paul"

May your faithfulness be rewarded, friend. I was just starting to get to know you, and I already have to say goodbye.


Edited by Life's A Dream (05/19/13 04:13 AM)

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#435123 - 05/19/13 04:16 AM Re: pbert53 [Re: Obi]
Nathan LaChine Offline
Webmaster
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/22/03
Posts: 5378
Loc: Washington State
Good bye my friend, I will always remember our talks, the dinners we shared, the good times. You are a truely a great person and a great friend. I wish I had called you back sooner frown

Lots of love always,
Nathan

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#435125 - 05/19/13 05:28 AM Re: pbert53 [Re: Obi]
si Offline


Registered: 08/11/12
Posts: 42
Loc: Utah
Wtf is this for real??!

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#435139 - 05/19/13 01:50 PM Re: pbert53 [Re: Obi]
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1287
That is so sad to hear. He was a sweet and gentle presence here and will be missed.

Peaceful journey, Paul.
_________________________



Click my pic to see why I'm here

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#435150 - 05/19/13 04:26 PM Re: pbert53 [Re: Chase Eric]
Tyler845 Offline


Registered: 11/04/10
Posts: 276
Loc: U.S.A.
((((Paul)))) He's gone to peace. The peace that so eluded him often in life, is now his forever. A gray day for us, but a shining and bright day for him. Am glad he's finally reached the light. A here-after blessing for those of us still running the race, He'll greet us with open arms when we hit that celestial plain. A blessing to know him. Here's to Paul.

Thoughts and Prayers, with the ut-most sincerity , and love, To his children.
_________________________
Most Often, The Child Inside Has Better Access To Execute The Flawless Potential Of Self.

Over-Ride Emotional Conflict With Rational Truths

You Are Freer Than You Think - Paul Berteaux

Come unto Me, all ye that Labor, and are Heavy-ladened. I will give you Rest -Jesus Christ

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#435152 - 05/19/13 04:43 PM Re: pbert53 [Re: Tyler845]
Tyler845 Offline


Registered: 11/04/10
Posts: 276
Loc: U.S.A.
I Love U Man
_________________________
Most Often, The Child Inside Has Better Access To Execute The Flawless Potential Of Self.

Over-Ride Emotional Conflict With Rational Truths

You Are Freer Than You Think - Paul Berteaux

Come unto Me, all ye that Labor, and are Heavy-ladened. I will give you Rest -Jesus Christ

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#435170 - 05/19/13 08:03 PM Re: pbert53 [Re: Obi]
BuffaloCO Offline


Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 415
Loc: USA
Paul was always kind to me, and I enjoyed the few times I got to speak with him. He'll be missed but he's home now, and he's free.
_________________________
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” - Plato

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#435172 - 05/19/13 08:10 PM Re: pbert53 [Re: Obi]
Poorsoft Offline


Registered: 02/20/13
Posts: 163
This is sad, my thoughts are with his family.

RIP

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#435190 - 05/19/13 09:48 PM Re: pbert53 [Re: Poorsoft]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6818
Loc: USA
Goodbye Paul, pbert53. We will miss you.

Here is his Profile:
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showprofile&User=7772

Here is Paul's introduction to MS
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthr...2696#Post312696

Here is part of his story
I'm sorry Paul that it was that way for you.
Originally Posted By: pbert

Hi guys.

I am getting the feel of this and want to share more.

I was sexually abused by my older brother from the time I was 4 until I was 14.

He groomed me at that early age. He would take showers with me and flaunt his donkey thing in front of me. I, of course had absolutely no interest in it or that he was trying to teach me how to masturbate.

He must have convinced me that it was an OK thing. I have lost the memory of my second grade year of school. I think to not remember what happened. I also have had a deep seated resentment towards his penis. How come he got the donkey dick and I was given a micro-mini penis?

Then I remember third grade on, meeting his every sexual desires. I have the memory of it not being bad, nor did it make me feel guilty. I guess i bought into it completely. It felt good and i came to like it a lot. I actually thought that it was normal to do. I didn't feel guilty and shame until I was 14.

There are five siblings in my family. I am second and have two younger sisters and one younger brother. I found out much later that he had been abusing them as well. That made me even more upset because I think somehow in my head I had thought that because I was being expected to perform with and on him, that my younger sibs were safe. in a sick sort of way I also liked to please him.

He became my father figure, because my father was a cold and unattainable man that never had anything good to say about us and never gave us nurturing or love. He was also a brute when it came to beating us for misdeeds.

So, we all had to do everything to my big brother that he desired and every thing he desired to us.

Needless to say this whole matter truly messed up my whole life. I became a sexual anorexic. I got married and had four beautiful children of whom I am very proud of. But I always worried that I might molest them, so I didn't get to close to them.

Also, sex was and is extremely frightening. I never knew when I would be able to perform. But, when I could, it was fantastic. So, I also worried that I might be gay. I have found out that I am not gay, but after reading Mike Lew's book, I understood why. I do appreciate the beauty of a man's body as much as the beauty of a female's body. I now think that I might be Bi.

I still have a long hard journey ahead of me, but I believe that I have a strong support team covering my back. I'm not religious, but I have a spiritual program in place and a Higher Power watching over me. I have a host of friends who help me and many tools to use in my recovery process.

That is all I care to share this time. I will have to build the courage to share more in the future.

Thanks for letting me share.

_________________________
If you cannot control what happens to you, you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you.

~ adapted from: Sri Ram


Here is one of Paul's most recent posts:
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthr...1873#Post431873

Here is his last post to MS:
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthr...4604#Post434604

Pufferfish

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#435210 - 05/19/13 11:44 PM Re: pbert53 [Re: Obi]
ThisMan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/22/13
Posts: 767
Loc: upper south
I am so sorry the gentleness will be gone. May he find the peace.
_________________________
For now we see through a glass, darkly.



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#435220 - 05/20/13 02:30 AM Re: pbert53 [Re: ThisMan]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6818
Loc: USA

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#435227 - 05/20/13 03:39 AM Re: pbert53 [Re: Obi]
Publius Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/13/12
Posts: 396
Loc: OH
He passed away peacefully in his sleep this past Saturday according to his memorial page on facebook. Pbert's posts and private message clearly provided quite a bit of inspiration and support during his time here. I am sorry I did not interact with him more but I must say his journey of survival was a testament to the strength inside each and every one of us. May he rest in peace.
_________________________
"Life is like this dark tunnel. You may not always see the light at the end of the tunnel, but if you keep moving, you will come to a better place." ~ General Iroh

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#435239 - 05/20/13 09:17 AM Re: pbert53 [Re: Obi]
Castle Offline


Registered: 10/03/09
Posts: 727
Loc: NJ
Paul was a good man.. always had something positive to say.

He loved his family and many men here.

It's never too late to figure this stuff out and get some good out of life.

May his memory live strong in the hearts of his friends and family.
_________________________

My posts can self destruct at any time..read them while you can.

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#435315 - 05/20/13 11:39 PM Re: pbert53 [Re: Castle]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6818
Loc: USA
There will be an open house for Paul Berteaux to honor his memory and the mark he left on the world. Please join family and friends if you are able. Drop in when you can, stay as long as you like. Please feel free to share any stories or memories you have of him on his facebook page. Please also invite/add anyone to this event (facebook) who knew and loved him.

We know Paul had many friends that he loved from a distance that may not be able to attend. We will have Skype available during the open house hours for those who would like to "stop in" and be a part of the day with us. Calvin Triemstra, one of my dad's roommates, is the user name of the Skype account we will be using.

Paul Berteaux Memorial Open House
6715 109th St. Ct. E. Puyallup, WA 98373

10:00am until 7:00pm in PDT, May 22, 2013

by Ari-Amber Berteaux Messer, daughter





Edited by pufferfish (05/20/13 11:44 PM)

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#435329 - 05/21/13 01:51 AM Re: pbert53 [Re: Obi]
WriterKeith Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/10
Posts: 937
Loc: southern California
Fly high and mighty
brave soul and gentle friend
Till we meet again


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#435407 - 05/21/13 11:25 PM Re: pbert53 [Re: WriterKeith]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11027
Loc: Denver, CO
"Suddenly you were gone, from all the lives you left your mark upon..."
- Neil Peart
_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

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#435416 - 05/22/13 12:07 AM Re: pbert53 [Re: FormerTexan]
BraveFalcon Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 1093
Loc: The ATL

I guess Paul hadn't been posting much in the months since I joined. It's a shame I never got the chance to connect with him. My condolences to this friends and family. It is sad to hear of his passing.

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#436765 - 06/03/13 11:23 PM @ [Re: Obi]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
2


Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (02/28/14 07:14 PM)

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#436767 - 06/03/13 11:30 PM Re: pbert53 [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1287
Originally Posted By: Gary
But his first words to me that night were something like, "Hey man, how are you doing?"

That resonates with me deeply. My exchanges with him were all too few, like yours, but he just seemed so real - his warmth and character came across as far more than just strings of digital dialog. That says something.
_________________________



Click my pic to see why I'm here

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#436771 - 06/04/13 12:08 AM Re: pbert53 [Re: Obi]
Czaesar72 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/10
Posts: 211
Loc: California, USA
May You rest in peace, Paul! My deepest condolences to his family. I will always cherish your optimism; you lifted up my spirits so many a times. You will be missed.
_________________________
Alejandro
A very grateful Alumni of the Level I WoR Sequoia 2011, Ben Lohmond, CA, USA
and Advanced WoR Alta 2011, Alta, UT, USA.

The strength of a man isn't in the weight he can lift; it is the burdens he can understand and overcome.

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#436810 - 06/04/13 09:31 AM Re: pbert53 [Re: Obi]
Obi Online   content
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1291
Loc: kansas
in memory of paul and bryan.



_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

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#436859 - 06/04/13 04:08 PM Re: pbert53 [Re: Obi]
whome Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1734
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
Oh Damn, I have not been on the site for a while and now I see this. I Know that Paul was ill and heart problems had plagued him. I did not however know that he had been called home.

Paul, you were a great help to me, your kind words and gentle encouragement was a great help to me in the early days of recovery. I am deeply saddened by your passing and I pray that God received you into his arms as you received us all that joined this site pained and broken.
May you find the peace now, that you always wanted for yourself and all on this site.

Rest well my brother, you will be remembered and missed.

Martin
_________________________
Matrix Men South Africa
Survivors Supporting Each other
Matrix Men Blog

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#445745 - 08/28/13 04:53 PM Re: pbert53 [Re: Obi]
Obi Online   content
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1291
Loc: kansas
miss you my brother paul...

there is much sadness in my heart that you're gone, especially with what i'll be doing in a couple of weeks. more than anything I would give for you to be there to be a part of it....

*sighs*....

but I know you'll be looking, and smiling, down upon me...

love ya.... peace...
_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

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