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#434287 - 05/10/13 06:07 PM Re: (Cyber-)reality [Re: concerned_husky]
BraveFalcon Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 1147
Loc: The ATL

I guess I wouldn't rule out meeting other MS members IRL, although I haven't given it much thought yet. If the situation was right and I felt like I had gotten to know the fellow member well enough first, yeah, I probably would. If I got some random PM from a member I didn't know and hadn't spoken to, and I checked and saw they only had like 2 or 3 vague posts, and they asked me to meet, I'd have to politely decline.

If I were to meet other MS members IRL, I'm not sure how willing I'd be to get into my CSA issues face to face. It's a lot easier to type these things out and click "submit" than it is to actually verbalize them and say them directly to another person. That's a whole other ball game. Comparing the two is like comparing a friendly game of flag football to full contact, NFL, gridiron combat. That's why I'm not sure I could do a WOR. It may be a little to intense for me. Also, it cost money that I don't have. Not to mention that I've read there is no alcohol available or allowed and I can't go more than 24 hours without that. Sorry, just being honest there.

Interestingly enough, I actually had a therapy session with one of the guys who organizes WOR about 18 years ago. (Total coincidence). If you've been involved with WOR you may know of Jim Struve. Back in 1995 my T was trying to get me into a support group for men affected by CSA and Mr. Struve ran one here in town. After my session with him it was decided that I was not a good fit for the group but I wasn't really mad or upset about it as I was starting to get cold feet on the whole thing anyway. A few months after that, I dropped out of therapy for good. My dropping out didn't have anything to do with not having gotten into the support group. My T was moving and I felt like I'd hit a wall in my recovery anyway. So, I dropped out and never went back.

Shortly after joining MS, I saw Mr. Struve's name while exploring the site and thought, "HOLY CRAP! I KNOW THAT GUY!" After that, he and I exchanged E-mails a couple of times. He didn't remember me, although I wouldn't have expected him to having only had one session with him 18 long years ago. He told me about WOR but I basically told him the same thing I just told you guys.... not sure it would be for me.

Anyway, small world huh? smile Take care all. Peace,

Ken

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#434288 - 05/10/13 06:39 PM Re: (Cyber-)reality [Re: concerned_husky]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
In many ways the anonymity - similar to whatever level some of us have found in 12-step meetings ("Fight Club" is a particularly horrible example) - has worked for me thus far.

Initially, with legal matters potentially pending, it was an easy decision, particularly with public posts. Though I haven't officially closed the door on those matters, I decided that posting candidly and my recovery were more important than any legal fight.

I'm still shy of a year here, but that restraint has been fine for me. I can count on one hand, with fingers left over, those who know exactly my locay, contact info, etc. At the other end, a Carol Burnett quote from "Four Seasons" comes to mind regarding a few others: "We got to know them just well enough to realize they were a pain in the ass."

To me, too, there's the reality of cyberspace. Frankly, there's the possibility that someone who "befriends" me may be a total fraud. When/if, however, I ever get to a WoR, that's another story.

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#434294 - 05/10/13 07:44 PM Re: (Cyber-)reality [Re: concerned_husky]
Castle Offline


Registered: 10/03/09
Posts: 734
Loc: NJ
Taking my toys, and heading home.


Edited by Castle (12/18/13 07:59 PM)
_________________________

My posts can self destruct at any time..read them while you can.

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#434420 - 05/11/13 10:51 PM Re: (Cyber-)reality [Re: concerned_husky]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1600
Loc: New England
I'm kind of remote from mostof you guys, but would like to have some real face2face someday.

I met a guy in AA who shared with me that he had CSA in his past, so I thought I might have found a buddy. But when I tried a follow up conversation at another meeting, he kind of brushed me off. Like he didn't want a friendship based on a common bond of CSA. Oh well, thats just where he is.

Jude
_________________________
Seems I've got to have a change of scene
Every night I have the strangest dreams
Imprisoned by the way it could have been
Left here on my own or so it seems
I've got to leave before I start to scream
Joe Cocker

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#434819 - 05/16/13 03:24 AM Re: (Cyber-)reality [Re: Jude]
Life's A Dream Offline


Registered: 08/25/11
Posts: 886
Loc: Bouvet Island
Originally Posted By: Jude
I'm kind of remote from mostof you guys, but would like to have some real face2face someday.

I met a guy in AA who shared with me that he had CSA in his past, so I thought I might have found a buddy. But when I tried a follow up conversation at another meeting, he kind of brushed me off. Like he didn't want a friendship based on a common bond of CSA. Oh well, thats just where he is.

Jude


Hey, man, don't take it too personally. I'm afraid to go back to my AA group because I announced last week (first meeting for me) right off the bat that I was a CSA survivor. I'm kind of afraid to go back now. One old dude, misunderstanding my story, kind of lectured me (and everyone and no one) about the folly of using abuse as an excuse to drink. I don't think he caught the part where I specifically said I didn't even know I was abused until I stopped drinking (which seemed to be what started triggering body memories and such). It's not just him. I guess, for me, it's the internal civil war of "Did it really happen?" "Did it NOT really happen?" and going back to a group of people I affirmed it for sure did happen. Maybe that guy at your group feels that way. Or not. Like you said, that's just "where he is". Maybe he's never reached out for help specifically for his CSA.

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#434822 - 05/16/13 04:15 AM Re: (Cyber-)reality [Re: Jude]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3621
Loc: South-East Europe
Originally Posted By: Jude
I'm kind of remote from mostof you guys, but would like to have some real face2face someday.

I met a guy in AA who shared with me that he had CSA in his past, so I thought I might have found a buddy. But when I tried a follow up conversation at another meeting, he kind of brushed me off. Like he didn't want a friendship based on a common bond of CSA. Oh well, thats just where he is.

Jude


Hey Jude,
it seems to me that making friendships with guys based on some fragility or however call is more difficult than with ladies. I know how much easier was for me to talk about some issues with girls; it was much easier later to make friendship based on some kind of emotional support with them.

Well we are here to find friendship among brothers survivors. It is cyber world but it is very real world for me wink

Pero
_________________________
My story

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