Hell, Magellan, I could have written your post myself...add abuse to the list.
My post is only an indication of my experience, not what yours will be. I started to become consciously aware of the abuse over a couple decades ago and really started to feel astonished, shocked and flabbergasted over the depth of it perhaps ten years ago as I recalled various events. For one, when I was ten, she'd just married her THIRD husband and told me, "He's doing us a favor because his children are already grown." WTF? How is a ten-year-old supposed to process THAT? Those with whom I've shared various parts of the story - some of whom have kids themselves - are horrified. Some have even indicated they knew at the time something wasn't right. Very validating.
And I'm still dealing (or not) with the trauma...on top of the CSA for which she set me up. The past couple years it's been the ways she totally fucked up any chance I'd have for intimacy, solid career moves, etc.
I've made progress this year by reconnecting with a cousin (Dad's side) who's become like an older brother I never had - very, very kewl - and with an older stepsister who's confirmed my impressions (and worse) as we filled in the blanks with each other:http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthr...4803#Post434803
It may be a rough ride, but you and I are doing far more to deal with this shit head on than most people.