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#434761 - 05/15/13 03:13 PM Dealing with Drug Addiction & Abuse Therapy
Rdphish73 Offline


Registered: 04/25/12
Posts: 6
Loc: New York
I'd like to start a discussion about the double whammy of dealing with Drug Addiction (heroin for me) and dealing with my past horrors of being raped and beaten as a child. I know that if I don't get my addiction under control, I'll never make good headway with my Abuse Therapy (and could die!). The biggest problem for me is staying clean from numbing drugs (opiates). Getting clean isn't too difficult;staying clean is! The biggest obstacle is once I get a month or two clean I start to really "feel" sad, angry, anxious, those feelings I try to hide.

I'm turning 40 years old this July (good god!:o) I've experimented with drugs as early as 13 but have used drugs continually since I was 16 years old...my abuse ended when I was 12. Obviously I use to cover my Pain, Anxiety, Shame, Flashbacks, etc. My drug of choice till I was 34 was Marijuana . It stopped working (gave me panic attacks) so I found the PERFECT drug...Opiates. Been struggling with those ever since because of the Physical addiction of those substances. In the last 5 years or so of using Opiates, I've relapsed around 12 times. It's a vicious cycle. I get a couple months clean then my old feelings come back and I have to get numb and use.

As I've gotten older, I'm noticing the "Wall" we put up to hide our pain/emotions is starting to falter. For the first time in my life I'm REALLY feeling. I've cried a lot mostly. I also have days where I feel angry/agitated but don't quite know how to identify and handle it. I've done quite a bit of Abuse therapy in the last couple of years. I attended the Conference in NYC last October and that blew me away emotionally. Seems like ever since that, I've been way more emotional. I'm Also getting involved in N/A to help me stay clean.

I'm not sure If this post is very coherent...I'm very anxious writing it. But basically I'd like to hear from anyone else who is juggling and struggling with addiction issues and trying to heal from their incest/child abuse at the same time? Somedays, I wonder how I(We) function through the day! We are amazingly strong people.

Kindest Regards,

Ralph D.


Edited by Rdphish73 (05/15/13 03:21 PM)

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#434768 - 05/15/13 05:29 PM Re: Dealing with Drug Addiction & Abuse Therapy [Re: Rdphish73]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1466
Loc: New England
Hey Ralph,

I'm with you buddy. Never was smack for me, but pot and alcohol did their worst with me. The alcohol and drugs kill the feelings, and then when you stop them you have to deal with those feelings which drives you back to the alcohol and drugs. The vicious cycle of addiction.

I'm now 16 years sober/clean. A 12 step group has been critical to help me avert relapses. Intensive therapy has been helping me deal with the pain, anger, shame, fear, and self hate.

Good to hear that you are going to start N/A. There is a Heroin-Anonymous.org organization as well that might have a branch near you.

One piece of advice there-in: The benefit of a 12 step group isn't just in attending meetings (although that helps), its in sharing your, and listening to others, struggles, experience, and hope, honestly and openly. I see a lot of people (including myself in the past) come to meetings but never talk to anyone, never get a sponsor, never really take advantage of all the program has to offer. If you commit to a 12 step group, take it all the way. You can only benefit from it.

Jude
_________________________
"There must be some kind of way out of here,"
Said the joker to the thief,
There's too much confusion, I can't get no relief."
Jimi Hendrix

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#434771 - 05/15/13 07:00 PM Re: Dealing with Drug Addiction & Abuse Therapy [Re: Rdphish73]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3007
Loc: O Kanada
i struggle with addiction every day. i try everything to break the cycle. then fall back into old habits.

i wish i could give you some good advice.

all addictions are equal in the respect that we don't want them in our lives. we kick them out the front door, then invite them in the back.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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