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#434357 - 05/11/13 10:45 AM Dream analysis time
cant_remember Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1039
OK brothers,

I've been making a habit of sleeping on the couch with the TV on, and smoking pot before bedtime, and other things to avoid the nightmares.

Yesterday, I talked with my T about all this, and I volunteered that I would try to sleep better by going to bed in my bed, not on the couch.

Last night, I fell asleep on the couch, but then woke up about 3:30 or 4:00, turned off the TV, and moved to the bedroom.

There, I had this dream, which I would categorize as a "bad dream," but not a nightmare. It was uncomfortable, but I never felt afraid during it:

I was a houseguest at a good-sized middle-class house for the purpose of a special occasion (maybe a wedding, although this wasn't specific). The eldest daughter of the house, who was a woman older than I, was furious at me for attacking "the family." She kept repeating "the family" often in her tirade against me, as if I had exposed or uncovered bad things about her family that she did no appreciate me doing.

All the male guests at the party were given neckties as gifts, except for me. I was told that I had to leave. I was frustrated that I wasn't allowed to stay at the party, but I was unconcerned with whatever it was the eldest daughter was pissed at me about. Whatever it was, I felt perfectly justified in doing it, and was just sad that she didn't understand.

I moved slowly through the house to collect my things, hoping that someone would come to my defense or ask me to stay, but no one did. There were several dozen people in the house, and they were all staring at me like I was an intruder (anyone seen Inception?)

In a bedroom, in a drawer, I found my overnight bag, and grabbed it. It had my marijuana and my bundle of money in it. There were two other bundles of money near mine that belonged to other people. I wasn't tempted to steal them, but I did look at them, and was able to identify who they belonged to because in addition to cash, there were checks made out to them in their names. So I left them in the drawer.

In another upstairs room of the house, there were more toys than I had seen in a long time, all laid out and played with: floor puzzles under train tracks, around which there were action figures and toys of all sorts, so that it would have been impossible to walk across the room without stepping on something painful. In the dream, looking at it, I felt like the room would be something that would have made me envious if I had seen it as a child, but as an adult looking at it, it just seemed like a giant mess that someone was going to have to clean up eventually. I thought about starting to clean it up, but recognized that no one wanted me there, and picking up the toys wasn't going to help my cause.

So I went downstairs, where the eldest daughter was still pissed at me, so I went outside, where all the male houseguests were standing around, wearing their new neckties. They were all staring at me, waiting for me to leave, and so I did.

My analysis:

A house always represents consciousness in a dream because it's a construct. It is interesting that it wasn't my house and that I was only a guest in it. My dream should equal my house, but they kicked me out of it for something I did to upset "the family."

I think this is a recovery dream, and parts of my subconscious are unhappy that I'm doing work on myself. "The family" are my defense mechanisms, maybe even my alternate selves, which won't be necessary if I recover from the trauma, so therefore they feel threatened, and want me to leave the house (my consciousness) alone.

Even though there was a lot of anger directed towards me in the dream, my feeling during the dream was even-keel, thoughtful, deliberate. I hoped to talk to the angry others and convince them that it was OK, but they didn't want to talk or listen. They just wanted me gone.

Thoughts?
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#434363 - 05/11/13 01:34 PM Re: Dream analysis time [Re: cant_remember]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 1938
Loc: durham, north england
Hi Cant.

Part of the problem with symbolic dream analysis, (and one thing that idiot Freud never realized), is that dreams are basically made up of anything that's been bothering you, anything that's been on your mind lately, indeed I myself rather like the idea that sees dreams as essentially your brain doing some extra hard filing and processing tasks so that it can keep working, like a computer clearing a memory cash and filing stuff away in more easily accessible and efficient places.

Once for instance, I saw the film blaire which project. None of the surreal whacky supposedly scary paranormal stuff bothered me, but what did bother me was the idea of someone standing in a corner with their back turned while someone else was killed. I fully well knew it was going to turn up in my dreams, and sure enough it did, yet because I was aware it was something that was going to bother me the dream was actually not too bad, ---- I simply saw someone facing the corner (a man with blond hair), and heard screams from behind me and knew someone else had died, but at that point I realized I was dreaming and just thought "oh, there it is, well it wasn't that scary really"

therefore, dream analysis has to be very personal, and made up of things that have significance to you, rather than some sort of symbolic language that anyone can interpret. A house "could" be your consciousness, if you tend to identify people with their homes, but it equally well could just be a house.

Maybe the party you were at was an indication of your feelings about everyone else? the lack of a kneck tie something to do withinadequacy or lack of acceptance, ---- though equally it could mean that you weren't bothered to be the same as everyone else even when people (maybe women), got angry with you about the subject, I'm not sure, but ultimately since it's your brain and your thoughts, your really in the best position to answer.

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#434371 - 05/11/13 03:52 PM Re: Dream analysis time [Re: cant_remember]
OCN Offline


Registered: 02/05/13
Posts: 217
Loc: Western Europe
I find the 'eldest daughter' the most intriguing part of your dream cant.

Do you have someone in mind who she could be representing?

Apart from that, i have to agree with recovery that dream analysis is very personal. So you might want to contemplate what you've written, it might bring up some new insides. Cause i think you did a thorough analysis!


Edited by OCN (05/11/13 03:54 PM)
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#434376 - 05/11/13 04:51 PM Re: Dream analysis time [Re: cant_remember]
cant_remember Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1039
Thanks for replying DE and OCN.

The "eldest daughter" was from the family that lived next door to me during the period of my abuse. She lived in the house to the right of us, and my perp lived to the left of us.

So having her in the dream signals something of the abuse because she is a marker or a touchstone from the period when I was abused, although she nor her family had anything to do with it.

Cant
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#434378 - 05/11/13 05:04 PM Re: Dream analysis time [Re: cant_remember]
Poorsoft Offline


Registered: 02/20/13
Posts: 163
Dreams was an area of personal interest to me. I do believe that a dream is essentially a doorway from the concious to unconcious. We have so many dreams, the only ones we remember however generally occur during REM or at the deepest level to sleep; prior to REM.

You can get completely lost in the reasoning behind peoples actions in your dreams. What matters is not the whys but the hows. You are not looking for an answer in the dream, but the emotions tied into everything within that dream, once you unlock the emotions; the reasoning will follow quite plainly and clearly to you. That is the trick with dream analysis.

Regardless, dreams are chaotic - you see; you do a lot of processing during the night. It just so happens that as you're dreaming your mind will pick certain details just because they're on the conveyer belt so to speak, hence the chaos behind the dream. For instance; you may have been to see a friend on same day as your dream and it could be that his house could become the setting for you dream, even if it has nothing to do with him. Just random elements pulling themselves together.

However, when you construct a dream; you literally become everything in that dream. A small part of you is equally dished out to every object, person, detail and every variable in the dream. In you're dream, you were the house guests, the way they were starring at you was one you projected onto them and subsequently onto your dream self. That to me says there is an element of self loathing, possibly thte elements of shame shining through, perhaps part of you is finding certain ideas unbearable to process. Consider that in your dream, you yourself could represent an idea, the house you're mind and the guests parts of your personality. They were also given a gift in the form of a necklace, something that could represent love and respect for ones self. You did not recieve one in the dream, perhaps you do not love yourself to be granted one even in a dream.

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#434507 - 05/12/13 03:56 PM Re: Dream analysis time [Re: Poorsoft]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6819
Loc: USA
Cant et al.

I have had huge problems with dreams. I think after the abuse when I was 12, I stopped getting enough sleep because of it. It would take an enormous effort to get out of bed and then I would arrive at school feeling very tired. Since I had first hour study hall, I would sit there depressed and doodle depictions of the abuse. In other words I couldn't escape it, even though I couldn't remember it.

Some of the doodles were like this. They were idealized as chemical apparatus. On the left is an idealization of a scrotum and penis dripping liquid. On the right was the depiction of group sex. A 12-year-old's understanding of sexual acts.




There are different kinds of dreams. Dreams can be the effort of the brain to sort out incomprehensible events, as it was in my case. The brain consists of a bunch of regions which have different functions. The dreams may be an attempt to coordinate the emotional and the rational aspects of what happened.

In your dream, it reflects a deep fear you have of being excluded or set apart from the crowd or the place where the action is. You feel a deep sense of not being appreciated (shown by the fact you weren't given a tie). So you retreat to another area where you feel more secure. You needed money and there were several piles but mostly not yours. The checks were money that you wanted but it wasn't in your name. In the area where the toys are, there you have your regular thought regimes, known as your toys. But they are somewhat delicate and also capable of causing you pain if you step on them. Some kinds of communications tend to make you feel excluded and unwanted and you respond by thinking of packing your belongings. But since you have deep doubts about that you can't quite complete the action of packing.

Puffer

PS. Your T didn't understand how DID can affect sleep. The various alters don't sleep at the same time. Some don't want to sleep at all. They have different things they want to do (that's my story anyway). Some love to stay awake and listen to classical music. So I require an hour or so of napping per day. I sleep in a semi-upright position (like a car seat tilted half-way backwards). I have classical music playing (can sometimes be TV). Then I get that extra sleep and awake feeling very rested.




Edited by pufferfish (05/12/13 04:26 PM)

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#434541 - 05/13/13 01:54 AM Re: Dream analysis time [Re: cant_remember]
cant_remember Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1039
Puffer,

Your analysis is very bright and accurate on many counts. Thank you for taking the time to think it through.

Cant
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Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.

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#434545 - 05/13/13 04:18 AM Re: Dream analysis time [Re: cant_remember]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 1938
Loc: durham, north england
Your right about different sorts of dreams as well there Alan. Usually for me, the more vivid and coherent a dream is, the less frightening it is. The worst sorts of dreams for me are the s/xual ones, where I experience s/x and often mb in my sleep since I universally wake up feeling afraid and disgusted, I only get those if I avoid mbing normally, I hate those but have found good ways of avoiding them.

I also have had occasions (thankfully not too many), where a certain image, not particularly scary in itself will give me such an intensive feeling of fear I literally wake up screaming. Often this is looking at a dark object such as a black speaker cover or a black coat hanging up on a peg, or an object's shadow. It's not that I am afraid of something in! the dark, I am just made afraid at the sight of whatever dark object it is.

If I have a coherent dream with events presented that I can experience, or even one with a distinct story, it's usually something positivve, often where I either travel off to different fantastic lands and places or have an amazing experience of being in love, I even have dreams where I am directly opposed to some sort of horrible danger, where I do something heroic, which can bbe frightening in places since what I usually am opposed to is something bad, such as execution or torture or even fighting a monster, but are positive in the end since I usually come out on top for one reason or another, and the dream continues with me having defeated whatever it is.

Unfortunately I've not had many of those for a while either.

but mostly these days my dreams are just random impressions, synaesthesic feelings and incoherence in fact I can't remember the last time I had an amazingly positive story dream.

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