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#434442 - 05/12/13 02:44 AM Are photos out there?
Quixote0028 Offline


Registered: 09/06/12
Posts: 15
Loc: Texas
I was abused by my father when I was between 9 to 11. I have a variety of memories of the events. They are visual or tactile memories. I've recently told my therapist about one unique memory that I am concerned is related to my abuse. It's auditory - the sound of a old polaroid camera. I remember my eyes being closed and just hearing the sound of the camera taking pictures. I don't know for sure if the pictures were being taken during the abuse, but that is the feeling that I have. To this day, I hate having pictures taken of me.

I guess what freaks me out is that my father may still have the pictures and jerks off to them or something. Or worse they are on-line. I recognize that I will never know...but that doesn't stop me from worrying about it.

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#434501 - 05/12/13 02:50 PM Re: Are photos out there? [Re: Quixote0028]
Poorsoft Offline


Registered: 02/20/13
Posts: 163
Unfortuntely it's not uncommon for abusers to capture their victims on camera. Some would conciously state its a trophy, others just want to savour the moment again for the future.

You will find that abusers tend to find eachother, either via an online chat, but mostly by chance. It also depends what position of social responsibility your teacher is in, as certain groups are likely to protect eachother (Judges, police, etc) as they have the power to do so, in such cases they often share their work.

Remember, it's not just about sexual gratification for these...people, it's about power, control and having absoloute authority over the moment aswell as the individual whose on camera. Holding a photo of someone in life changing situation is a huge statement in my opinion.

It's one thing to do this to a child, but taking a photo/video of that situation...it's just evil...pure evil.

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#434504 - 05/12/13 03:30 PM Re: Are photos out there? [Re: Poorsoft]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
It's natural for you to wonder. I have also wondered if there are extant films of the kiddie porn made of me and other boys. But that would have been in 1943, which may seem ludicrous to some. It's not at all that I want to see them or it if it's there. It's just a natural curiosity. Just as if I were to find a box of old (normal) photographs of me and my family from that time, I would be very interested. Films of that age tend to degrade in quality and even crumble so they have to be converted to a digital form. Lots of the movies produced at that time have been converted to digital so it's not surprising to expect it. I do not intend to go looking for this material.

Those guys tend to make staches of the porn photos. One doctor from New England was arrested and there were huge numbers of photos hidden in a secret place in his basement.

Puffer


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#434505 - 05/12/13 03:39 PM Re: Are photos out there? [Re: Quixote0028]
Poorsoft Offline


Registered: 02/20/13
Posts: 163
Pufferfish, remembering it was perfectly legal up to the 70's to go out and buy one them mags, I'm sure it had been around for a long time, even before 1943!

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#434532 - 05/12/13 10:36 PM Re: Are photos out there? [Re: Quixote0028]
toddop Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/14/11
Posts: 224
Loc: California
I hear you on this. I recently posted about some of these same fears. I struggle with this question about who has photos/videos of me all the time, and all the crap that brings up about feeling victimized all over again.

It is one of those things that we may never be able to know or control. That is the hardest for me. But, I am trying to deal with it.

I am sorry to hear your story, but thanks for posting your thoughts and worries. It really helps me feel like I am not alone in my own struggles.
_________________________
Todd

"Great spirits have often encountered violent opposition from weak minds."
-Albert Einstein

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#434552 - 05/13/13 09:09 AM Re: Are photos out there? [Re: Quixote0028]
BuffaloCO Offline


Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 428
Loc: USA
I am with you on this Quixote, I have the same kinds of memories and fears. I also hate having my picture taken and am not sure if that is the reason why. Am also given some comfort by knowing others share this fear, like toddop said, knowing I am not alone helps. With the public eye more on this issue and more sites getting shut down, at least that is something. Maybe we can't change the fact that pictures exist but with more and more convictions at least they are going to be more afraid to share them. We can win! Thanks for posting Brother.
_________________________
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” - Plato

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#434556 - 05/13/13 10:35 AM Re: Are photos out there? [Re: Quixote0028]
Quixote0028 Offline


Registered: 09/06/12
Posts: 15
Loc: Texas
Thank you, guys. It does help knowing that I'm not alone. I just feel so out of control - exactly like being victimized again. I realize that I'll probably never know if they are on-line, and I'm going to have to accept that. Thank you for being there.

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#434579 - 05/13/13 04:58 PM Re: Are photos out there? [Re: Quixote0028]
Edward Wong Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/25/11
Posts: 40
I frequently fear the same way. What scares me the most is that I was usually smiling.

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#434605 - 05/13/13 09:44 PM Re: Are photos out there? [Re: Quixote0028]
Suwanee Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 738
Loc: Southeast USA
I know there were a few Polaroids, but they were supposed to have been destroyed after *Shawn* the perp was caught with a stack of them. The frustrating thing about them is that I don't remember any being taken. WTF.

Yes, Polaroid cameras made....that unmistakable noise...

Will
_________________________
Cruel Summer
My Journal

-Signs and traces left in stone
Ruins of a past unknown-

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#434607 - 05/13/13 09:47 PM Re: Are photos out there? [Re: Suwanee]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
My abuser was employed in the movie industry. That's about all I know.

Puffer

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