Also, shame is a beast - a destructive hungry beast and I encourage you not to feed it. And the only way for that to perhaps happen right now is for you to be supportive yet uninvolved.
Forgive me, but I don't really understand what you mean by this.
If my husband is talking about killing himself, how am I to be supportive but uninvolved? And how would I be feeding his shame?
The CSA is a big deal. But as a supporter you need to make it not such a big deal. I think what we need is love from a supporter. Not someone to help us work through the problems. That is what the therapist is for. Sure you can discuss things but don't take an active role in trying to fix things. We need different kind of supports from different people. And while there will be overlaps I think that it would be best if there was seperation.
Thinking on this some more I'm thinking that the CSA exposure has made it a bigger thing. Why else would he be considering killing himself. So the bigger an issue it is for you the bigger it becomes for him. I would be feeling more shame when more people I cared for found out about it.
Hey I'm making this up as I go so take it all with a grain of salt.
I only recently got into a CSA therapy program and am in the get acquainted stage with my therapist and not yet discussed the CSA. (I should have had help a year ago when I was really fucked up) In our previous session she said initially the goal is to get stability and safety. From what i had experience over the last year, and still, I would agree.