For some reason, I do not know how, it hits me now, it is now in my brain, what all he does at me, how long it happens and how very bad it goes with him. I do not know how one can do those things, I can't seem to put the words to those things he has done, I feel like to define it, those things, that it makes it more real. It feels so real these days, but I fear if I know it is, that it is not me just being horrible person, that it will finish me. Do not know sure what I say, but I am scared again. There are words for these things he does, I know that. I just hate them.

lEOSHA he is a freak and a pervert and he will face justice some day.

You did no wrong. I know the words and we all do here and they are terrible but you had no part in it. You were used REMEMBER THAT

I have this feeling, this idea in my head, that if I were to say what he has done at me, that I will disappear. That he will kill me, or that my voice will go away and I will never be able to speak again. It is so stupid and silly, those things I think, but I can not make them go away.

Leosha
might I suggest that you write your story out and save it on a disc, or print it out.
Go back to it and read it later, read it often.

Eventually it becomes like reading a horrible story, but slowly it also becomes more like reading someone elses story as well. When I wrote my first story a few years ago it was so real, but now it's like a half remembered dream - even though I know it is very real.
The story, in it's telling, has lost a lot of it's power.

Maybe posting it in the Survivors Stories forum would help, but do that when you're ready.

Dave