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#432252 - 04/24/13 04:38 AM 3, 6, 12, 15, 23, 33
traveler Offline

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3815
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Daddyís gone.
Whereís Daddy?
In heaven.
With Jesus?
Jesus and Daddy donít play with me.
I canít see them.
They are too far away.
I miss my Daddy.

Do I want a new daddy?
I remember my first Daddy a little.
He was nice.
He played with me.
I loved him.
. . .
This new daddy isnít good.
He doesnít play nice.
He hurts me.
He makes me feel funny -
(- I mean bad.)
Heís not my real daddy.

I donít understand
whatís happening to me,
how I feel sometimes,
the weird, scary dreams,
my body, my mind, my emotions Ė
- all out of control,
why he treats me that way,
why other guys do those things to me?
I donít like the way they make me feel.
I just wonít feel any thing any more.
Iíll go where they canít reach me.

I thought it was over Ė
- but it isnít.
I thought I was safe Ė
- but Iím not.
Itís been a couple of years Ė
- now itís happening again,
but this time with a stranger.
How does he know?
How can he tell?
There must be something wrong with me.
I canít let anyone know.

Child abuse?
Yeah Ė Iíve heard of it.
Itís a shame Ė
- but I had a pretty normal
childhood growing up:
two parents, nice house,
All the perks.
It must be really awful.
Abused? Ė Not me!
But Ė I donít really want to have children.
And Ė I sometimes feel really weird about sex.
That must be just something wrong with me.

Depressed, hopeless, suicidal,
failing, unable to function,
isolating, uncommunicativeÖ
How can I be both numb Ė
- and also hurt so bad?
Pressed into therapy,
I open my mouth and it all spills out Ė
- bitter, stinking, burning as vomit,
- but flat as reading the phone book.
I canít believe itÖ
I was abused!
I guess Iíve known what happened all along Ė
- but I couldnít bring myself to call it that.
Now Iím re-calling the details.
I can no longer run away,
or hide,
or tell myself it didnít happen,
or call it something else.
And now I can no longer
refuse to feel the emotions
of all the memories
of all the ages:
3, 6, 12, 15, 23, 33.
I canít do this any more.
I am finished.
Iím OK now.

But wait Ė thereís more Ė thereís 60Ö

- lee

Edited by traveler (04/24/13 09:08 AM)
Thereís a special providence in the fall of a sparrow. If it be now, ítis not to come. If it be not to come, it will be now. If it be not now, yet it will comeóthe readiness is all. - Hamlet, Act 5, sc 2

#432356 - 04/25/13 05:47 AM Re: 3, 6, 12, 15, 23, 33 [Re: traveler]
Jacob S Offline

Registered: 01/01/13
Posts: 619
Loc: where the shadows lie
This has meaning to me. Its not opening any doors, but the hinges are getting loose.

Thank you.

#432405 - 04/25/13 03:38 PM Re: 3, 6, 12, 15, 23, 33 [Re: traveler]
bodyguard8367 Offline

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""

Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/26/14 11:05 PM)

#432408 - 04/25/13 03:58 PM Re: 3, 6, 12, 15, 23, 33 [Re: traveler]
peroperic2009 Offline

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3720
Loc: South-East Europe
Nice to meet you Lee in this very moment wink
My story

#434271 - 05/10/13 01:57 PM Re: 3, 6, 12, 15, 23, 33 [Re: traveler]
ThisMan Offline

Registered: 01/22/13
Posts: 769
Loc: upper south
...beautifully haunting, Lee. ty.
For now we see through a glass, darkly.

#434297 - 05/10/13 07:55 PM Re: 3, 6, 12, 15, 23, 33 [Re: traveler]
victor-victim Offline

Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 5866
Loc: O Kanada
this is amazing!

you are not finished.

you will be adding a few more verses to this poem.

44, 55, etc.

you have a gift with words.



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