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#434265 - 05/10/13 12:15 PM Married Life and Kids
concerned_husky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 585
I know some of you guys have this, and I think it's just way, way awesome. Like, probably the 'pinnacle', the high-point of my life if I ever got there. Was wondering if any of you had some nice stories to share...meeting and courting your wife, having your firstborn, bringing up your kids, first baseball game, etc.?
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Husky

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#434293 - 05/10/13 07:33 PM Re: Married Life and Kids [Re: concerned_husky]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3333
Loc: O Kanada
my wife saved my life.
being married for 22 years has taught me tolerance.

my chldren saved my life.
they taught me unconditional love.

i was not easy!

i did it for the wrong reasons,
but i got the right results.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#434312 - 05/10/13 11:06 PM Re: Married Life and Kids [Re: concerned_husky]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1513
Loc: New England
I have ten kids, 4 biological and six adopted. Most are grown now, (only 3 at home now) but they all have turned out great.....despite having me (drunken, sex addicted, selfish, dishonest, me) for a father.

I give all the credit to my wife who also deserves an award for putting up with me for the last 35 years. We met in college, in 1975, on a walkathon to raise money for environmental issues. I (accidentally) stepped on her dog's foot and we became a couple almost instantaneously.

Jude
_________________________
I went back to the doctor
To get another shrink.
I sit and tell him about my weekend,
But he never betrays what he thinks.
Can you see the real me, doctor?.
The Who

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#434314 - 05/11/13 12:16 AM Re: Married Life and Kids [Re: concerned_husky]
Dave PNW Offline


Registered: 04/03/13
Posts: 111
Loc: Pacific Northwest
Hey Jude. As a father of just two kids, one biological and one adopted from Korea, I know from experience that it is no small miracle that you have raised 10 and feel they are all doing well. It's a tough world out there and I am sure you had a lot to do with their success. The wisdom and strength and support you have given me, an anonymous and confused guy trying to process his childhood memories, has helped me through this tough month of disclosure. I can only imagine the compassion and wisdom you have shared with your children. Our wives and mothers are so important to the well being of our children. I had the opportunity to listen to the Dalai Lama at the University of Oregon today. One of the big take aways is how important mothers are in teaching and establishing a foundation of compassion in children. But fathers, we have an important role too. I know what it is like to be married to a great women, we are fortunate. But also Jude we are human and flawed and perhaps that is where we are at times most helpful to our children. We are imperfect and have struggled and still there is good in us. I wish your wife and you a happy Mother's Day.

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#434322 - 05/11/13 02:10 AM Re: Married Life and Kids [Re: concerned_husky]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3333
Loc: O Kanada
from the first moment i made eye contact with my wife, i knew she was the one. unfortunately she already knew me by reputation and wanted nothing to do with me.

it took 6 months to get a date.
i had to find out where she was going to be and then make sure i was there too. some might call it stalking. i managed to become friends with her sister.

the sister gave me tips and inside information.

i finally got a date, and i used that brief opportunity to explain my intentions... marriage... life time commitment... children... much to her surprise and discomfort.
not your usual first date. she found it very amusing, but did not believe a word of it. i told her that i completely understood her reaction and posture. i explained that i would wait as long as it takes for her to know what i said was true, and i say what i mean, and i do what i say.

we dated for 7 years. formally, intermittently, inconsistently, and non-exclusively.

the dates consisted of dinner, theater, or concert.
i did not make one sexual move on her, always the gentleman.
i was not going to ruin this. she was not used to this kind of respectful behaviour. eventually, after several months of this, she jumped me.

during this time, she went through a few failed relationships with other guys. i stayed the course, unwavering in my opinion and position, because i knew she was the one, whether she knew it or not.

after maintaining my consistency for those 7 years, being the last man standing, she finally realized i was not going anywhere.

she agreed to marry me. that was 1991. we are still together for better or worse, with 3 teenagers. she is as beautiful as the day i met her. i has not been easy or natural. it took everything i had to get this far. my family is not only my first priority, it is my only priority.

just tonight, my 14 years old daughter asked us what our "first dance" wedding song was.

we had live music at our wedding. starting with a chinese dulcimer during the ceremony and vows.



then we kicked off the party with my cousin's country band... and he chose this for our "first dance".



i played it for my kids, and my wife and i had a beautiful moment of memory. i remember that dance like it was 10 minutes ago.

it was nice to share that with my two daughters.
i thought i would share it with you.

anyway, after most of the old folks had left the reception, we switched over to a rock band and chased the rest of them out.

it was an excellent day.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#434366 - 05/11/13 02:36 PM Re: Married Life and Kids [Re: concerned_husky]
ThisMan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/22/13
Posts: 767
Loc: upper south
A very good thread indeed.

I also knew the very first time I saw my to be wife that I would marry her. It took a couple of years, several spans of dating, and a lot of convincing, but marry her I did. Before she died, she had given me almost 24 years of wonderful marriage and two sons.

I was in the delivery room of my first born son and I remember tearing up because of the beauty of the event. The same for the second born. Just oh, my God. Overwhelming.

A bit over two years ago, I was the first grandparent to hold my oldest son's first born... she was only minutes old. And I teared up. 30 days later, I was the first grandparent to hold my younger son's first born... he was only minutes old. And I teared up.

My favorite memory of my oldest son... he saw the tooth fairy! He had lost his tooth earlier that day, after that long protracted time while it had wiggled and turned this way and that inside his mouth. Finally it had fallen off. He was so excited to place the tooth beneath his pillow because he had so been looking forward to the visit from TF, herself.

In the middle of the night, we were awakened to the screams of this little guy. "Mommy! Daddy!"

We jumped from the bed, raced out of the bedroom, down the hall and into his room. He was sitting upright in his bed pointing to the window.

"Its the tooth fairy! It the tooth fairy! See her glow!!!" he was yelling.

Looking to the window, I could see the 'glow of the tooth fairy'. He was correct. The tooth fairy was pressed against the window pane, and the glow was all around her. It was a firefly... a lightening bug... which was against the pane, but in his innocence, it was the tooth fairy.

Life has a way of being life. But through the struggles and the pain, there is ALWAYS beauty. A beauty in the memories of what we had and what we have. I came to the Off Topic forum today to make a post about victor/victim, etc. I still might... But I read this thread and became a part of it. ty.
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For now we see through a glass, darkly.



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#434388 - 05/11/13 06:43 PM Re: Married Life and Kids [Re: concerned_husky]
concerned_husky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 585
Your stories are so moving and touching, thank you so much for sharing them. You guys are amazing dads/husbands and your families are so lucky to have you. I mean it. And it's inspiring to know that there are men out there who have overcome CSA and have gone on to raise families of their own. It gives me a lot of hope, sometimes more than any words of encouragement can offer. I know I'm going to be coming back to this thread often whenever I'm feeling down. Thank you all again.
_________________________
Husky

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#436053 - 05/28/13 08:49 AM Re: Married Life and Kids [Re: concerned_husky]
marrkkked Offline


Registered: 05/27/13
Posts: 7
Loc: New York
Tolerance and maturity make life very good.I learn the lesson from my three years married life.
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IP lawyers

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#436083 - 05/28/13 02:10 PM Re: Married Life and Kids [Re: concerned_husky]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3333
Loc: O Kanada
22 years of marriage taught me tolerance, negotiation, commitment and compromise. 3 kids with a combined total of 44 (17+14+13) years of parenting has taught me forgiveness, sacrifice, spirituality and unconditional love.

hard lessons.
hard work.
so much value.
worth the pain.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#436111 - 05/28/13 06:35 PM Re: Married Life and Kids [Re: concerned_husky]
CruxFidelis Offline


Registered: 06/16/10
Posts: 486
Loc: NJ
My wife and I met 15 years ago in high school, way before the rape happened to me. I trusted her instantly, but she (being a CSA survivor) took awhile to trust me. We always balanced each other out and over the years forged a strong bond that was threatened by the rape that happened to me 3 1/2 years ago, but not destroyed.

I am not going to lie, the marriage is not what it used to be. we don't talk the way we used to, we fight more, I feel like I have less in common with her (and with all humans in general). It is a struggle but I am grateful to even have something to struggle for, and I think my wife can at least see that I am trying to fight the good fight.
_________________________
“If a man wishes to be sure of the road he treads on, he must close his eyes and walk in the dark.”

- Saint John of the Cross

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