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#434118 - 05/09/13 08:53 AM Re: My marriage is ending..... [Re: Kaene]
cant_remember Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1045
I hesitated to wade into this discussion because I have never been able to maintain a relationship longer than a few months... but Keith's post rings true here and needs to be underscored.

If she's cheating on you and wants to move on, fine. Let her go.

But the second she attempts to blame your CSA for *her* cheating on you? Drop an A-bomb on her ass.

She has zero right to try to manipulate you into thinking this is your fault.

Cant
_________________________
Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.

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#434119 - 05/09/13 09:22 AM Re: My marriage is ending..... [Re: cant_remember]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1717
It seems some who are around survivors fail to look at their own actions in creating an environment that is not safe for the survivor. They do not want to admit their complicity in what is happening to the survivor today and look to the CSA as the culprit and not their actions or treatment of the survivor. But the survivor needs to take responsibility for healing so their actions do not continue to cause concern or pain to those around them.

Kaene I hope you have support to help you through this difficult time. It is trying for you. You and your wife have been through so much including the near loss of your daughter. Trauma does unfortunate things to the mind and one's emotions, sometimes the emotions and actions can be controlled and other times they are so overwhelming. Thank you for reaching out and as you know, everyone he supports your healing and situation.


Edited by KMCINVA (05/09/13 09:51 AM)

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#434120 - 05/09/13 09:27 AM Re: My marriage is ending..... [Re: Kaene]
RN Offline


Registered: 04/28/13
Posts: 8
Loc: Northeast
I'm really sorry for the angst you're going through.

Have been through one separation & divorce...

I completely agree with BodyGuard. As I look back, I was MOST honest and so was she when we were in a room with a therapist. Somehow, all the big things came out...and there's some amazing factor that causes the other people in the room to really get you.

With the loss of your child and good/bad info out on the Web, your wife sounds as if she just wants massive assurance that she won't lose not only your daughter but also YOU. So she's taking preemptive action to gain reassurance that YOU won't bail out on her.

Hang In There, and go together to a therapist who she selects.

very best, RN

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#434130 - 05/09/13 11:39 AM Re: My marriage is ending..... [Re: Kaene]
Castle Offline


Registered: 10/03/09
Posts: 731
Loc: NJ
Taking my toys, and heading home.


Edited by Castle (12/18/13 08:00 PM)
_________________________

My posts can self destruct at any time..read them while you can.

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#434166 - 05/09/13 07:09 PM Re: My marriage is ending..... [Re: Kaene]
Kaene Offline


Registered: 07/04/11
Posts: 40
Loc: Ausin, TX
Thanks for the insight guys, for the record she didn't cheat on me, and I believe her when she says it, but she's attracted to someone else and that's enough for her to doubt whether she really wants to be with me.

I was kind of ok with it last night, but now that I've had time to think about it, and the implications I'm just sick to my stomach. For years she's always been so worried about me being attracted to someone else, when I've never looked twice, and now she's the one who's heart is wandering.

This sucks. frown
_________________________
"Do you think God lets you plea bargain?" - Calvin & Hobbes

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