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#434063 - 05/08/13 06:19 PM The infinite puzzle
Poorsoft Offline


Registered: 02/20/13
Posts: 163
One of the first things I said at the beginning of this slow motion realisation was that I viewed my life like a puzzle, the borders are complete but theres a large chunk in the middle all scrambled up and totally incomplete.

Certain collossal things slot into place and reveal a new part of the picture, some smaller bits float on too and extend the detail or just help it make more sense, but the picture is still incomplete.

There is a lot of space to fill.

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#434067 - 05/08/13 06:46 PM Re: The infinite puzzle [Re: Poorsoft]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 2024
Loc: durham, north england
"A lot" isn't the same as infinite.

Infinite by deffinition is impossible to fill so the very task of counting to infinity is pointless, that is not however the case in recovery, since what you are doing is neither pointless nor futile nor unending.

Myself, if I was comparing recovery to any mathematical or even biological concept, I'd say it's like an exponentially rowing patch of cells, such as a foetus or a plant.

You start with just the one alone in a huge space, then it devides you have two, they devide you have four etc. The more they go on deviding, the more space they cover and the bigger the hole colony gets. Yes, you will find that some will die in the process, it is not a smooth exponential progression, neither is it without pain, but the point is it is constant and it does grow more than it shrinks until all that space is filled and you've got a fully developed healthy being on your hands.

Sorry if this analogy doesn't help, I don't know if I'm going too much into bio chemistry here, it just always strikes me that it's too easy to start throwing around words and concepts like "never", "infinite" or "absolute" in connection with recovery, simply because when everything is brought down to just yourself and the world, everything does! seem infinite, and infinity seems so dark and impersonal and awsome.

Yet in truth this is an illusion too because we are not alone with infinity however much we think we are.
To quote one line from a leonard Coen song that always leaves me absolutely cold:

"We are so small betwene the stars, so large against the sky, and lost among the subway crowd I try to catch your eye"

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#434072 - 05/08/13 09:16 PM Re: The infinite puzzle [Re: Poorsoft]
cant_remember Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1046
Poorsoft,

I feel the same way. The photo in my avatar, of the tree hollowed out by the power line, is an emblem of this feeling.

A piece of us is missing.

Cant
_________________________
Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.

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#434085 - 05/08/13 11:31 PM Re: The infinite puzzle [Re: Poorsoft]
ThisMan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/22/13
Posts: 767
Loc: upper south
Yesterday, Poorsoft, when I was meeting with the new T, I described myself to him in the same basic manner as you described. There is a void inside, an emptiness left by what was taken away. That void is perhaps infinite, perhaps not. Only time shall tell. ...but the given is what you say... "there is a lot of space to fill".
_________________________
For now we see through a glass, darkly.



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#434121 - 05/09/13 09:31 AM Re: The infinite puzzle [Re: Poorsoft]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 2024
Loc: durham, north england
@Cant, there's a song called The Lightning tree which you might appreciate given your tree analogy. Here's a version of it from youtube though personally i find this version a bit too fast and jolly for my liking, (when I first heard the song it was a lot slower and more contemplative), still i do appreciate the Trees that the UPLOADER has put in the background of the video.
One thing I've learnt from recovery is that emptiness is reflective, and the more you look for nothing the more nothing you end up finding.

It's difficult, and I certainly have far too many moments of darkness myself, but letting just! those moments defign who and what I am is not a path I choose to follow anymore, which is why I'm still hear after five years refusing to accept nothing.

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#434134 - 05/09/13 02:51 PM Re: The infinite puzzle [Re: Poorsoft]
Poorsoft Offline


Registered: 02/20/13
Posts: 163
Good analogy Dark empathy!

and cant - yeah it is missing and I want it back!

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