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#433704 - 05/06/13 05:58 AM I'm not surprised I was molested (about my family)
si Offline


Registered: 08/11/12
Posts: 42
Loc: Utah
This is really long, if you don't read it, or stop reading half way through, I don't blame you. If you can read it all, then props to you

I come from a crazy family, where almost everyone is a hot mess. Drugs, alcohol, sex crimes committed to and by them, absent parents, murder, suicide, everyone having a baby before the age of 18 (except my one uncle), only one actually graduated highschool (my mom).

That is just a brief overview. Of where I came from

My grandparents had 7 kids, which are my aunts, uncles, and my mom. All of them were molested, and all had, or are having issues with drug use.

I'll start with their first kid, my aunt D. She was a good person, until she met her husband and everything went downhill. She was molested as a child, but she was able to keep her life together. Her husband, my uncle L, beat her constantly, and got her to start using Heroin. One time I was with my cousins and we watched my cousin D holding a 2x4 crying trying to defend herself from him. She told me to shut the door and so I did, and we listened to the screaming behind the door. One time my uncle L sold ALL the Christmas presents for their three kids, in order to buy drugs. They had no Christmas that year. One time he sold her to some random guy for drug money. While she was sleeping, he raped her and my uncle L told her to stop fighting it. To make this worse, my cousin R, who was under the age of 5, was sleeping with my aunt D, and was there the whole time she was being raped. My uncle L killed a someone while robbing some Chinese marketplace. He shot him dead with a gun, but essentially got away with it because he ended up dying of a drug overdose. Through some insurance or something, my aunt D received $1,000 for each kid every month. So she got $3,000 a month until they all turned 18. This wasn't good for her, because since she was addicted to drugs, she got an easy income that she was able to abuse, just like the drugs. I remember cops showing up and taking away my cousins, and my aunt D in hysteria. It was a scary moment. She eventually got them back, but her drug use was off and on. She is still using drugs to this day, and got my mom addicted to them. My aunt D met this guy K, who had a son named J. K physically beat J all the time, and J was bullied at school constantly. K was rude and controlling over D's three kids, but she just let him be controlling of them. He never hit them though, but acted like their dad which they all resisted. Because they didn't have a good family life, they all lead bad lives. D's first child is Ky. Ky experimented with drugs a lot as a teen, and got the other two of D's kids to start using drugs and drinking, because they followed her as a role model. Ky and her boyfriend became addicted to heroin, and are in this crazy insane relationshiop where they hate each other but the drugs keep them together. D's second child is named S. S had a lot of potential, but she threw it all away in the end. S and her boyfriend crush up painkillers and xanax and then sniff them to get high. D's last child is actually only a month and a week older than me. He was the one who watched his mom get raped. He had a lot of potential too, he was very smart. But he threw that away too. He smoked a lot of pot and drank throughout his teen years. He got really bad with Herion, got his girlfriend pregnant, and recently got arrested for selling Meth, got his car impounded, lost his job and his housing.

My grandparent's second child is my uncle Dv. Dv's son is the one that molested me. Dv was molested and always poor. He was a very bitter, angry person. He hated everyone and wasn't pleasant to be around. He raised my abuser as a single parent, because his mom wasn't capable of having a child. Dv married this women, who he drank with all the time. Dv was a raging alcoholic, and his liver and kidney's failed, and he died at the age of 33. I wanted to cry at his funeral, but I hated him and his son. Dv's son, Js, is my abuser. Js.....Idk where to start. He was molested, had an alcoholic father, horrible mother who didn't love him, lost his dad at the age of 11, was a troubled kid, always getting into trouble. Did drugs and drank alot. The worse thing about him is that he is a child molester. I was his first victim, then my cousin T, then the neighbor girl, then when he was about 16, my little cousin Lz, which is when he finally got arrested. When the judge asked him if he regretted anything, he said that he regretted getting caught.

My grandparents third child is my aunt M. M had the worst childhood out of all my aunts and uncles. She received a lot of mental abuse while being molested. The abuser told her that if she did it with him, then he wouldn't do it to my other aunts and uncles. When he would though, it would wreck her. She felt like she failed as an older sister. My aunts, uncle, and mom were being molested by him, and my aunt M felt like it was her fault. It really fucked her up. To make things worse, when my grandparents found out what was going on, they prosecuted the abuser, but blamed my aunt M for allowing the abuser to be around the rest of her kids. This caused my aunt M to feel even worse, and resent my grandparents. She became a heavy drug user, and got my aunt Jn into drugs. Anyways, Jn ran away from home a lot, developed multiple personality disorder, and now is an unreliable person who is very, very dramatic. She has these moments where she just disappears forever. She became an insane parent, because she doesn't deal with stress well. She threw my cousin Kt into a mirror when she was a little girl. She constantly complained about me being a disgusting little boy. I think she has that issue where she re-creates the abuse because she apparently gets around a lot. She has money issues where she spends more than she has and borrows money when she knows she can't pay anyone back. She is a good person though, I respect her a lot, and I love her son Gage, he is an angel and i'd do anything for that kid. I sympathize with my aunt M because of how fucked up it was for her, to have the blame of your siblings being molested placed on you, when you allowed yourself to take the abuse because you thought that that was the only way to protect them. Her kids actually turned out successful, because deep down, she is a good person.

My aunt Jn is one of the biggest messes, though right now she is doing the best that she has ever been. Jn became huge on drugs, huge. Because of this, she hung around drug dealers and drug users. She got raped a lot because of that lifestyle she was leading. She stole my grandparents car, pulled out two guns on Christmas and was ready to shoot some guy, thus ruining the idea of Christmas for everyone because it was so scary. Jn was just a stereotypical crack whore, to put it bluntly. However, after a year in jail, and more time in a half-way house, she is doing the best she had been. Her kids are a sad story. Her daughter, Martika, was molested and had a lot of self esteem issues. She slept around a lot, and cut herself. She hung herself in a closet when she was 15 and this shook my family, because having a sudden suicide made was worried about who would die next. My aunt Jn blamed herself because she was a horrible mom, and my whole family had a little resent towards Jn because of Martika's suicide. When they did the autopsy, it turns out that Martika hadn't eaten anything for two weeks, her stomach was completely empty. I remember the last time I saw her, I snapped at her because I was in a bad mood. A few hours later she was dead. Ugh, damn. My aunt Jn's second daughter is Ts. Ts was molested by my same abuser, Js. When they were caught, they went to counseling. At least she got counseling though, I got called a faggot. She lived this lifestyle where she wanted to act older than she really was, so she was hanging around older people and failing school. What sucks for her though, is she got pregnant at 14 and had her baby at 15. She is 16 now, and is used to being Queen Bitch, but now no guy wants her anymore, and no one wants to be her friend because they're young and aren't trying to be hanging around a mom. Ts's reputation crumbled, and she is very insecure now. She became addicted to pills at 15, and started having seizures because she took so many pain pills. She stopped for the time being. Ts's sister, Lz was also molested by my same abuser, and was the one that finally got him arrested. Lz is in 5th grade, and is doing good so far.

After my aunt Jn is my mom. My mom wasn't ready for a kid, she had me at 16. She was molested, and being pregnant and having a kid at such a young age, she never really grew up. This forced me to grow up fast. My mom got involved in drugs, turned our home into a drug house. Got raped a lot. She lost everything because I moved out when I gave her the choice of me, or her drug friends....she picked her friends. I was 16 at the time, and was paying all the bills and essentially became the man of the house. She lost the house, lost her drug friends, lost me, lost my sister, lost everything. I don't even care. Then there is me, well, i'll get to myself later, but in a nutshell, i'm doing very successful. My little sister Allie is doing amazing, BECAUSE I WAS THERE TO PROTECT HER. IF ANYTHING HURT HER I WOULD KILL THEM. I WAS A GOOD ROLE MODEL FOR HER, SHE FOLLOWED MY EXAMPLE AND IS A GOOD, SMART PERSON. SHE TOOK AFTER ME, NOT HER IMMATURE MOTHER.

Then after my mom you have my aunt Gwen. Gwen is the most successful of my grandparent's children, actually. She has a husband, a house, and her kids are doing well. However, Gwen kills herself to manage it all, which I respect her for. She became addicted to pills though, and would spend hundreds of dollars a month on them. She started having an affair, which isn't fair to her husband because he is a good guy.

Then you have my uncle Jo. Jo was doing pretty well, but then he went to Iraq as a soldier. He came back addicted to drugs and had an extreme case of PTSD. I don't want to bash him, because I can try to understand how horrible of an experience he went through, and anyone reading this already knows how war affects people. However, Jo's lowest point is when he beat up my grandpa, came over to my house, and beat my mom with a debate trophy that I won, and then stabbed our neighbor. He spent a year in a jail, and spent such a long time there because he kept freaking out and attacking and breaking things.

My grandpa is a very intelligent person, who graduated college and everything. However, knowing his family he created, his kids and grandkids, is so fucked up, he is bitter and resents everyone. We all love my grandma though, she is the best smile

Well, that is my family in a nutshell, just the really big things that I can remember. It is so weird, that I can say, this aunt was big into drugs. And it only takes up one sentence, but the affect of that is so great, but a sentence cannot relay that message of how hurtful and scary that was. Because my family is a close family, so if someone is doing drugs, those drugs are being brought around everyone, as well as the drug dealers and friends.

So all in all, I came from a horrible, fucked up family. Even my father was absent during the abuse and I had no one to show me how to be a man. All of my mom's boyfriends were losers who I hated. If anything, they showed me how NOT to be a man. I had no role model to help me with homework or to mimic. In school when they asked me who my hero was, I didn't knwo what to say. I couldn't say my dad because he stepped out, and I couldn't say my mom, because there wasn't a whole lot to respect about her. It was awkward. Anyways, it would be shocking to come out not being hurt in some way. My younger cousins had it easier, because when I was growing up was when the drugs in my family was at its worst. I was being molested, and no one really cared too much because of their own issues. In fact, they just called me a faggot and swept it up under the rug. It is actually humbling, to think of my one issue compared to theirs, and think that it actually matters. Thinking of it this way, getting molested was just another problem that they didn't want to deal with because they needed their next fix. my abuser's dad hated me, so why would he care? Anyone could have fucked me, and it would just be another problem to go and get high in order to make the problems go away. I'm not surprised how I was abused. I'm not surprised at all. So many people in my family were sexually abused, i'm just another one.

However, I'm not like them. With all my scholarships and FASFA, i'm graduating college next year and graduating college with no debt. I got an internship at the attorney general's office in my freshman year of college, got 72 college credit hours in highschool, which is rougly 2.5 years of college. I protected my sister, and am an incredible person. I don't want to brag, but I rose above this family, and cut them out of my life. Though it wasn't exactly my choice to be molested and called a faggot by them, i'm not surprised I was. I'm really not. I'm making a new life for myself though, and no CSA in that new life.

Sorry, just needed to get all this out, i'm feeling bitter against my family, but really optimistic about my family on my dad's side. My dad re-entered my life, and we are mending our relationship.

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#433712 - 05/06/13 07:33 AM Re: I'm not surprised I was molested (about my family) [Re: si]
Farmer Boy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/23/12
Posts: 442
Loc: Australia
Si

Wow - I thought I had a f#cked up family. You win!

But seriously you have so much to be proud of. You have overcome so much and you did it all by yourself. Your story is one of inspiration to us all. You are a survivor in every sense of the word.

The thing that strikes me the most is your positive and optimistic attitude. You are one of the shining lights here at MS and I thank you for that.

Quote:
It is actually humbling, to think of my one issue compared to theirs, and think that it actually matters.


What happened to you was a big deal. It matteres. You matter. I am sorry your family let you down. They should have protected you....they should have stopped it.

My family did nothing about my abuse either and called me a faggot too....so I know how that feels. And I know how it feels to not be surprised that I was abused - given the way my family was.

I wish you all the best in life and hope you get the chance to start a family of your own one day. You sound like you would be an awesome dad.

Lee
_________________________
More than meets the eye!

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#433719 - 05/06/13 08:48 AM Re: I'm not surprised I was molested (about my family) [Re: si]
concerned_husky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 585
Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.

That...is the most humbling post I've read since I've joined MS...

I'm still in awe as I'm typing this response...I've spoken to you a couple of times in chat but I had no idea the extent of the problems you had been dealing with (pretty damn successfully, I might add).

You ought to be really proud of yourself. The way you've risen above all of this, all on your own, is nothing short of incredible - I don't think I can find the right words in my limited vocabulary to describe it. It's inspiring. Hats off to you - I think you're headed for a pretty amazing life.
_________________________
Husky

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#433775 - 05/06/13 03:06 PM Re: I'm not surprised I was molested (about my family) [Re: si]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1490
Loc: New England
Originally Posted By: si
However, I'm not like them. ......I protected my sister, and am an incredible person......I rose above this family, and cut them out of my life. Though it wasn't exactly my choice to be molested and called a faggot by them, i'm not surprised I was. I'm making a new life for myself though, and no CSA in that new life.

Hey Si,

What a horrific place to come from! But you are just more proof that any of us has the opportunity to overcome whatever has been forced upon us, and reclaim our lives. I will always be a guy who was molested as a kid, but I don't have to be a guy who is trapped and tortured by that anymore. Thanks for posting.

Jude
_________________________
"But now old friends are acting strange,
they shake their heads, they say I've changed.
Something's lost but something's gained in living every day
....it's life's illusions I recall, I really don't know life at all. "
Joni Mitchell

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#433777 - 05/06/13 03:20 PM Re: I'm not surprised I was molested (about my family) [Re: si]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3600
Loc: South-East Europe
Oh man this is unbelievably dysfunctional family, I'm speechless frown
Si you are our HERO, you have so much integrity and wisdom that is hard to believe, I admire your strength and courage shown when you cut your mother from your life, that was bold move.
And when I've read how you are proud on your sister that brought some tears to my eyes, you are awesome brother!!!

(((Si)))
_________________________
My story

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#433829 - 05/06/13 09:42 PM Re: I'm not surprised I was molested (about my family) [Re: si]
BraveFalcon Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 1093
Loc: The ATL

Hello Si. Great post man! I'm sorry your family and your up-bringing was so dysfunctional. It hurts me to read that not only were you not protected when people in your family knew you were being abused but that you were called cruel names for it as well. No child should have to go through that. The fact that you rose above all that is very inspiring and truly awesome. Glad to hear that your are thriving to the extent that you are. Keep it up! smile Peace,

Ken

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#433834 - 05/06/13 10:13 PM Re: I'm not surprised I was molested (about my family) [Re: si]
Zug Offline


Registered: 02/18/13
Posts: 56
Loc: Progress
My family is screwed up too, in the same ways; substance abuse, sexual addiction/dysfunction, spending sprees, gambling. The only way Ive been able to experience a semblance of sanity is to remove myself from that craziness like you did. Im grateful for it. Good work pulling yourself out of that.
_________________________
"what matters most is how well you walk through the fire"
-Charles Bukowski


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