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#433711 - 05/06/13 07:14 AM Could my brother and I BOTH have amnesia??
Life's A Dream Offline


Registered: 08/25/11
Posts: 886
Loc: Bouvet Island
I have amnesia for my abuse. I've gotten bits and pieces of abuse I never knew about until 2 years ago, coming as tactile flashbacks mostly, a few nightmares, and a few visual flashes. So, I've got dissociative amnesia. Right now, for reasons I won't go into for brevity's sake, I suspect my father of being the abuser.

The problem with this is: my older brother (by 13 months), St (we'll call him St), slept in the same room as me until highschool. I don't ever remember a time I had my own room until he left for college. My flashbacks ALL point toward me having been abused in bed at night. But how would my father have been able to be molesting me right near my older brother, and my older brother not seem to remember anything whatsoever?

Could he have drugged him? Do kids that age REALLY sleep that deeply? Could my dad have only touched me, since rape would have been pretty much impossible with my older brother nearby. Btw, we shared a queen bed at times- and other times we shared a bunkbed. I figure he only could have done it when we slept in bunkbeds. I was always scared to sleep in a room alone without my big brother. I was his little shadow and he was my hero. But then something strange happened.

Around the age of 10 or 11, he and I were sleeping together in a single queen bed at the time, I began getting fearful of sleeping with my back to him lest I tempt him to think about raping me, and I was uncomfortable facing him, with his back or face to me (both bad options). So I began sleeping with my feet by his head, and vice versa. Head to foot. It quelled all my sexual anxieties, so I could have a good night's sleep. Why did I do this?

But again, the question remains, how does my dad manage to molest me while I'm sharing a room with my brother. The only fragments of memory I've seen indicate being molested in my own bed. But perhaps in time I'll recover memories of him taking me out of the room (perhaps on the pretense of making sure I go so I don't wet the bed), or of him doing it to me in completely different settings. I suppose my brother always being there in bed might not completely make it impossible for my father to be my molester.

But could we also BOTH have dissociative amnesia for it?

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#433754 - 05/06/13 12:56 PM Re: Could my brother and I BOTH have amnesia?? [Re: Life's A Dream]
Life's A Dream Offline


Registered: 08/25/11
Posts: 886
Loc: Bouvet Island
Would really love some insight into this, if anyone can give it. It's really been bothering me for a long time. I hate to be a squeaky wheel. But really, THIS ONE ISSUE, has been like a mountain on my back.

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#433755 - 05/06/13 01:05 PM Re: Could my brother and I BOTH have amnesia?? [Re: Life's A Dream]
SoccerStar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 915
Loc: New York
What made you think your brother would rape you? Had you already been having fears of having been abused - by someone - at that point?
_________________________
My story

"Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of heaven just because it hasn't!" --Bugs Bunny

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#433756 - 05/06/13 01:05 PM Re: Could my brother and I BOTH have amnesia?? [Re: Life's A Dream]
cant_remember Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 997
Anything is possible, as we have learned here case-by-case.

But maybe it's best, LAD, to focus on one mystery at a time. If you make some headway with mystery #1 involving whether or not your dad is your perp, then mystery #2, whether your brother also has amnesia, might fall into place.

This is the first I've heard you talk about your brother. How functional is he these day? Does he exhibit any signs of symptoms of a man living with CSA issues?

Cant
_________________________
Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.

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#433760 - 05/06/13 01:08 PM Re: Could my brother and I BOTH have amnesia?? [Re: SoccerStar]
Life's A Dream Offline


Registered: 08/25/11
Posts: 886
Loc: Bouvet Island
Originally Posted By: SoccerStar
What made you think your brother would rape you? Had you already been having fears of having been abused - by someone - at that point?


Yes, I must have. That's exactly what I think it must have been.

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#433761 - 05/06/13 01:10 PM Re: Could my brother and I BOTH have amnesia?? [Re: Life's A Dream]
Poorsoft Offline


Registered: 02/20/13
Posts: 163
Consider this perspective.

Imagine you were you're brother. It is entirely likely if your father is as you think; that his selfish cruel lust would not only be attributed to you, but probably to him as well; perhaps too - when he was younger as you suggest. Consider that one night, you start noticing your father coming into your room, a man that despite your dislikes; is a fully grown man. His role as father incapulates you both into his realm. He is the warden and you are his prisoners, he has maximum authority through age, intellect, size, strength and is one of you're primary care givers. At a young age, a young boy would want to do anything to protect his brother, but it would take tremendous courage to stop a giant. Perhaps he knew the consequences and feigned being asleep.

Is your brother overtly protective of you? As a child and an adult?

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#433762 - 05/06/13 01:15 PM Re: Could my brother and I BOTH have amnesia?? [Re: cant_remember]
Life's A Dream Offline


Registered: 08/25/11
Posts: 886
Loc: Bouvet Island
Originally Posted By: cant_remember
Anything is possible, as we have learned here case-by-case.

But maybe it's best, LAD, to focus on one mystery at a time. If you make some headway with mystery #1 involving whether or not your dad is your perp, then mystery #2, whether your brother also has amnesia, might fall into place.

This is the first I've heard you talk about your brother. How functional is he these day? Does he exhibit any signs of symptoms of a man living with CSA issues?

Cant


My brother is the most saintly human being I know. Still my hero. He also already had been sexually abused multiple times by a sort of much older sort of surrogate sister we lived with (our family lived with theirs) as well as others he's not clear on- also females. He's never mentioned my dad, though. And we've never spoken of why I slept the way I did when we were in queen beds (we went back and forth between them and bunkbeds multiple times). I should note that Stewart has always had very strong ADD, and gets easily caught up in daydreaming, even in the middle of a conversation with a group of people (one girlfriend called it "Stewie-land"). You have to snap your fingers multiple times and wave your arms to get him to snap back out of it. He just acts like it's totally normal.

But yes, Cant, I think you are right about needing to solve mystery #1 first- I just think the answer to them both might be kind of interdependent. I guess I'm just waiting for my tactile flashbacks at night to keep getting more jarring and violent, until they start evolving into full memories. And they have been getting more violent and strange lately. I don't just feel hands on me- I feel as though my entire body is being moved through time and space, and...... certain feelings along with the touches that are almost impossible to describe. Very otherworldly. They're concurrent with the tactile stuff. Maybe I'm just now becoming acquainted with the real full-on flashbacks I've heard all you guys describe so many times so casually. I don't know why they've gone from a long lull to suddenly picking back up again, but I feel as though they're trying to "transport" me, if you will. Like if I could just focus on them and find a way to tease them out longer, I would be transported to where and when I was being touched this way.


Edited by Life's A Dream (05/06/13 01:17 PM)

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#433779 - 05/06/13 03:47 PM Re: Could my brother and I BOTH have amnesia?? [Re: Life's A Dream]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/27/14 02:58 PM)

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#433795 - 05/06/13 05:23 PM Re: Could my brother and I BOTH have amnesia?? [Re: bodyguard8367]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6708
Loc: USA
LAD

Several years ago I read a book which might apply to your situation. It is about abuse of a daughter and so that doesn't apply to you, but the outcome might be similar.

The book is: Miss America By Day. It's about former Miss America candidate Marilyn Van Derber. Her father was a very highly respected and wealthy businessman in Denver. She loved her father and he was her most ardent supporter. At night he would creep into her bedroom, having his fingernails carefully filed down, and do little "tricks" with her. Yet during the daytime she was so charming and beautiful that she won the Miss America Pageant. She had no memory of having been abused at night by her father (hence the title of the book, Miss America by Day). At night the legacy of her father's abuse was apt to reappear. This led to certain tendencies of hers to act in a certain way at night. Yet it was under a cloak of amnesia. It took her a long time to figure it out and to seek help. So, she had amnesia to the pattern in her home before she went away to college. She had 2 sisters. One of the sister's stories is under the quote below from the LA Times. She was aware of what was going on but didn't have amnesia. However, they slept in separate bedrooms.

http://www.missamericabyday.com/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marilyn_Van_Derbur

http://www.amazon.com/Miss-America-Day-Unconditional-ebook/dp/B004RW52QE/

Originally Posted By: review in Amazon.com

As a student and young adult, Van Derbur was an overachiever with an unconscious need to stay very busy. She realizes now this was a coping mechanism to keep her two worlds separated—the "night child" who suffered at the hands of her father and the "day child" who was happy and outgoing.
.....
She writes of her endless need to be respected by others, all the while believing that if others really knew who she was, they would hate her and look at her with disdain and disgust. The perfectly poised mask she showed the outside world was a far cry from the tortured, panic-stricken, anxious woman within. The shame she felt within was a constant in her life, reminding her that she was "unworthy."



Originally Posted By: Los Angeles Times

Three days after the speech, Marilyn Van Derbur's oldest sister, Gwen, an attorney in Hillsborough, Calif., told the Rocky Mountain News that she, too, had been molested by their father--but she had never forgotten. With that, most questions about Marilyn Van Derbur's credibility and memory ended, and last year her father's name was removed from the Denver Boy Scout building.


http://www.katybutler.com/publications/latimes/index_files/latimes_daddy.htm

http://www.gethealthyslv.org/surviving-incest-marilyn-van-derbur-shares-her-story/

http://www.people.com/people/archive/article/0,,20115294,00.html

She happened to graduate from the same high school and college I did. I didn't become aware of her story until I got deeply involved in my own therapy.

Puffer



Edited by pufferfish (05/06/13 05:45 PM)

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#433797 - 05/06/13 05:36 PM Re: Could my brother and I BOTH have amnesia?? [Re: Poorsoft]
Life's A Dream Offline


Registered: 08/25/11
Posts: 886
Loc: Bouvet Island
Originally Posted By: Poorsoft
Is your brother overtly protective of you? As a child and an adult?


Yes. He is very protective of me. He is still my hero.

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