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#433231 - 05/02/13 12:27 AM Re: Fake Personality *Few Triggers* [Re: concerned_husky]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3420
Loc: somewhere in Africa
this thread is utterly and absolutely amazing to me - not because i can relate to any of it - but because all of you "life-of-the-party" type dudes were the ones i always envied and admired and thought had it all. i was the exact opposite - complete introvert, socially awkward and isolated and didn't have a clue how to get what you all seemed to possess. i'd have been the silent lurker in the corner - worshipping you from afar!

i just hope you all don't change so much that you lose that spark of being able to connect with people. i still see that as a positive attribute and a gift.

i guess even in our differences we are more alike than we know.

lee


Edited by traveler (05/02/13 12:28 AM)
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#433232 - 05/02/13 01:04 AM Re: Fake Personality *Few Triggers* [Re: concerned_husky]
ThisMan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/22/13
Posts: 767
Loc: upper south
Husky- count me in as being one who just has a laughing spirit. I couldn't tell a joke or get to its punch line if I had to, but in a conversational tone, I can make you laugh all friggin day long. It comes naturally. It is my personality. I dont think anyone would call me bubbly, but I am really funny.

Will I change, no. I have been this way since I can remember. And I think it has "marked" me for abusers. Who doesn't want to be with someone who seldom sees the negative in life. Even predator guys like the positive spirit .... know what I mean? Told the former T last week, "I'm done with trying to change my personality"... just much too old and although I struggle with issues of abuse, I finally realize I am a good guy. A very fuckin' good guy. Just a bit messed up, thats all. Gals and guys want to dream about me... have at it... just don't tell me.

As far as being the people pleaser- Over the past year, I have really distanced myself from some of these situations... I not only "want to be more selfish" but as Jude said, "being selfish is entirely in order".

Today, I know who I am... even with the wounded spirit, I know who I am. And I hope you don't exchange your bubbly spirit for anyone. Life is a lot lighter, much more fun when you look for the smile. The heavy, reserved personality is literally a heavy, reserved way to live. And I think your bubbles will probably win out, because that seems to be who you are.
_________________________
For now we see through a glass, darkly.



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#433257 - 05/02/13 07:50 AM Re: Fake Personality *Few Triggers* [Re: concerned_husky]
wearytraveler Offline


Registered: 01/12/13
Posts: 49
Loc: xxxx
deleted


Edited by wearytraveler (11/10/13 06:59 AM)

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#433259 - 05/02/13 08:14 AM Re: Fake Personality *Few Triggers* [Re: concerned_husky]
Farmer Boy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/23/12
Posts: 442
Loc: Australia
I identify with this too.

I have always lived a double life - it was part of keeping up appearances. Hiding the secrets. Outwardly I was this golden haired, well behaved, happy, talented, intelligent boy. That was the 'fake' me. In nearly all my childhood pictures that is how I look - I was a good actor. The real me was an empty shell - dark and emotionless.

Publicly, as a teen, I was the 'good christian' poster boy who knew all the right things to say and do. I was a real people pleaser too - that was my role in life to make others happy. It was my facade. Privately I was a low down dirty sinner - who was being used sexually to make others happy - because afterall that was my true purpose in life.

This 'fake' personality continued into adulthood and helped me gain success in many areas. I have reinvented myself over and over again. I am whoever you want me to be.

The thing I have come to question is which one is the real me. I realised that what I thought was a fake facade to allow me to cope in the real world is actually me too. Maybe the me I would have been. We are complicated little carbon based life forms. Survivors more than any other people have such a huge depth of character/personality. We need to embrace All of our personality traits and bring them out as the situation requires.

I am finally feeling Jude's comment too.
Quote:
Being selfish is entirely in order if it means taking care of yourself and not always putting other people's needs ahead of yourself and your recovery.


I have lived my life according to others expectations of me and now I think I want to do what I want to do. It is Me time.

Lee
_________________________
More than meets the eye!

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#433260 - 05/02/13 08:17 AM Re: Fake Personality *Few Triggers* [Re: concerned_husky]
concerned_husky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 587
A bit more reflection on this subject, and I'm getting a rough idea of where I'm at - I agree with pretty much all of you guys. Thanks so much to each one of you who's commented...it's cleared up a lot of things and I feel like there's a huge consensus. I'm sorry I haven't replied individually (or replied to some of your individual posts on the forum either - I'm a bit exhausted with/engulfed in this topic). I can't erase this 'fake' personality, I'm not so sure if it's fake at all now. Maybe I spent so much time perfecting this side of me that it's actually become an irreversible part of me. Though, I still do enjoy retreating into my own world and blocking others out, from time to time. On those occasions, and also when I meet new people or people I find hard to trust, I think I need to bring out that heavy side of me once more. Dearly missed. It's a double personality that will take time to integrate, or at least balance out. I'm still going to need to try and figure out a plan to strike this balance. Maybe a polite facade is the best way forward - you don't offend anyone, but you don't get close too easily, too quickly either.

On a side note, what you said Eric, about the bubbly personality attracting sociopaths - makes me cringe to know you've gone through the same thing, it's so destructive, and brushing sides with them often borders on annihilation of our individuality. I have to admit I'm glad I know now that there are people who understand what it's like to be caught up with sociopaths (on top of our abusers), but I'm so sorry it's happened to you too. I dated one, nearly dated another one, and am in contact with a few - all of which I'm in the process of purging...they just take up so much mental space. I made the mistake of applying my bubbly personality to them too, trying to please them. I forgot who it was who said this on MS talking to me, but he said this is like feeding the insatiable beast. It's so true, and I've had to devote so much time trying to recover from their influence. I guess these people are part of the reason CSA stays with us well after the abuse - the sexual aspect of the abuse isn't there with these post-abuse sociopaths, but the emotional and mental abuse screech of the same patterns.


Edited by concerned_husky (05/02/13 08:19 AM)
_________________________
Husky

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#433264 - 05/02/13 09:25 AM Re: Fake Personality *Few Triggers* [Re: concerned_husky]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3420
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Originally Posted By: concerned_husky
On a side note, what you said Eric, about the bubbly personality attracting sociopaths - makes me cringe to know you've gone through the same thing, it's so destructive, and brushing sides with them often borders on annihilation of our individuality.


just to bring a balance to this - don't feel bad by thinking that you have "attracted" abuse because of your personality. it isn't necessarily true. the perpetrators are hunting for whatever victims they can get.

those of us who are introverts were also easy targets because we tend to be passive and quiet and easily intimidated and over-whelmed. i know this is true - and so many abused children turn out that way even if they weren't to begin with - and then become re-abused again and again because they are easy pickings. i am not trying to divert the topic to my own issues - but to say -

DONT BLAME YOURSELF!

lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


Top
#433393 - 05/03/13 12:55 PM Re: Fake Personality *Few Triggers* [Re: concerned_husky]
csasurvivor1992 Offline


Registered: 03/25/13
Posts: 132
Loc: Texas
husky, thank you for the post. i'd have thought you took a look into my life and wrote in on a post.

thank you for your thoughts on your personality. I've observed we're all just trying to figure things out and I appreciate it.
_________________________
May your past be the sound of your feet upon the ground, carry on. ~Fun.

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#433407 - 05/03/13 02:45 PM Re: Fake Personality *Few Triggers* [Re: concerned_husky]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/27/14 02:55 PM)

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#433411 - 05/03/13 05:01 PM Re: Fake Personality *Few Triggers* [Re: concerned_husky]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3351
Loc: O Kanada
as are we all, geoff.

that is something we share with almost all humans.

very very very few people are truly genuine.
and that may be a myth.

i have never met one.

they may not even exist.

the impulse to improve gives us an impossible task to give us purpose in life.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#433413 - 05/03/13 05:14 PM Re: Fake Personality *Few Triggers* [Re: concerned_husky]
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1356
Dang, Geoff - my fantasy of escape never reached the reality yours managed to achieve.  My attempts at growing big and strong like Foghorn Leghorn never got past Tweety Bird.

Little Eirik was likely very correct in realizing that if I could grow out of that slender mold, I probably would not have appealed to him. Character was a part of it but I am convinced it was really the whole package.
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