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#433391 - 05/03/13 12:25 PM Gay Rage
bodyguard8367 Offline
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MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/27/14 02:53 PM)

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#433405 - 05/03/13 02:06 PM Re: Gay Rage [Re: bodyguard8367]
newground Offline
Chatroom Moderator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 10/11/11
Posts: 761
Loc: michigan
hey Geoff
dude you have every right to be angry at the treatment you received from your family. it was their duty to protect you and they failed miserably, and then cast you out to try to make sense out of a world they had in no way prepared you for. that being said, you also have the right to be free from that pain and anger to heal and become the strong healthy individual that you are working on man. you have the right to be proud of what you have accomplished and continue to accomplish. you are a great man! no matter who affirms it or attempts to destroy it. that is who you are. I hope as you continue to work you find great peace in that fact
Jeff
_________________________
Towards thee I roll, thou all-destroying but unconquering whale; to the last I grapple with thee; from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee. let me then tow to pieces, while still chasing thee, thou damned whale! Thus, I give up the spear!"
Herman Melville

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#433406 - 05/03/13 02:34 PM Re: Gay Rage [Re: bodyguard8367]
1lifenow Offline


Registered: 03/07/11
Posts: 407
Loc: west coast
Man.
That is the unadulterated truth!

The gay is irrelevant , it's just who we are.

We can only accept it and embrace ourselves. Time and compassion for those that can't or won't see it is all we can offer. They will either 'get it' or live in eternal ignorance. But that's their journey. We just have to live our lives the way we must.

GAY agenda ? hell ya . To be treated and respected exactly as anyone else. Not a jot more or a tittle less. : )

I am as unreligious as one can possibly be but I like this quote from Matt 5:18
(Not one jot or tittle {iota} will pass until all is fulfilled beyoch! ) ok I added the last word but who hasn't messed with The Word to suite their own agenda. ; )

Big hugs Geoff
_________________________
The need for love lies at the very foundation of human existence. Dalai Lama

WoR Barrie 2011

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#434066 - 05/08/13 06:45 PM Re: Gay Rage [Re: bodyguard8367]
David Mac Offline


Registered: 04/30/13
Posts: 57
Loc: Pacific North West
Hey guys,

As a result of childhood sexual abuse issues I felt anxious towards adult men. In my junior high years I took personally derragatory remarks about gays and became anxious towards my peers.

And so Geoff, I too get tired of the caustic comments regarding gays from peers and co-workers.

I joined sexaholics anonymous and now I speak freely about sexual attraction and struggles with lust. I am usually the only gay male in the room or the only gay who shares frankly and directly. I wish there were more gay guys in the rooms, but I love speaking from the heart without anxiety. For the first time in my life that I can remember, I am at ease with others.

While bigotry towards gays is hurtful, it does not cause me to isolate in fear like it used to.

Mac

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#434080 - 05/08/13 11:04 PM Re: Gay Rage [Re: bodyguard8367]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
(deleted...got too far off topic)

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#434087 - 05/08/13 11:49 PM Re: Gay Rage [Re: bodyguard8367]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1536
Loc: New England
Hey, mind if a (mostly) straight guy weighs in?

Given your family's history of perpatrating all kinds of abuse on you and/or being complicit in others abusing you, and their homophobia, you are losing nothing by having them out of your life. They don't deserve you, and you don't deserve any more of their crap.

I wish I could apologize for the way the "straight world" has treated gay men, but I can only make my own apology for things I've said and done in the past that disrespected gay men. In an odd way, boyhood CSA has brought us together in ways that may never have happened otherwise, and I'm glad to have you (gay) guys in my life.

Jude
_________________________
Well, I won't back down
No I won't back down
You can stand me up at the gates of hell
But I won't back down.
Tom Petty

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#434112 - 05/09/13 04:42 AM Re: Gay Rage [Re: bodyguard8367]
WriterKeith Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/10
Posts: 951
Loc: southern California
Geoff,

I wish there were words to ease the pain in your post, but I cannot find any words that begin to address the inhumane treatment you described.

I served several years as a minister of music at evangelical churches. The primary reason I left that vocation was because of the progressively cruel and appallingly hate-filled behavior they perpetrated against anyone not fitting within their groupthink mindset.

The last straw was when I was asked to bring my choir and provide music at a funeral for a parishioner's brother who had died. I did not know the young man. When the minister asked everyone to bow their heads for the dismissal prayer at the end of the funeral, a young woman in the back pew interrupted and helped a frail skeletal-looking man to his feet. She announced that this was her brother, the surviving life partner of 17 years to the deceased young man. The pastor proceeded as if she didn't exist. No one spoke to them on the way out or at the graveside.

I was shocked that no one could even offer this human being any gesture of sympathy, so I met the woman and the frail man as they got into their car. That's when I learned that the two men had AIDS and my church had separated these two life partners so that each would die separated from each other....in order to "save them from each other."

Even though it was a small church of 300 people, it had 5 families that boasted about disowning their homosexual children. They were hailed as heroic role models in the church.

The funeral event and the statement from the pulpit the following Sunday that "no one can be a Democrat and call themselves Christian" were the final factors giving impetus to my resignation.

How does one apologize for so many ignorant assholes in the world? I had no idea that my church community of "sweet old ladies" and "good-natured" church leaders were behaving so inhumanely. I volunteered at an AIDS assistance organization for a few years afterward as penance.

I am so sorry that the whole world has not evolved. They know how to blow up the world but they don't know how to live and let live in peace.
_________________________
"A burned bridge can be a gift; it prevents us from returning to a place we should have never been."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5JfvAPZGjds

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#434144 - 05/09/13 03:41 PM Re: Gay Rage [Re: bodyguard8367]
JayBro Offline


Registered: 11/13/12
Posts: 255
Loc: Germany
Reading these posts in this thread have been quite powerful and moving
_________________________
,,Nun ging es immerzu, weit, weit bis an der Welt Ende."

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#434150 - 05/09/13 04:27 PM Re: Gay Rage [Re: bodyguard8367]
bodyguard8367 Offline
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Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
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Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/27/14 02:54 PM)

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#434180 - 05/09/13 10:15 PM Re: Gay Rage [Re: bodyguard8367]
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1356
{{{Geoff}}}

Originally Posted By: Geoff
I have felt for years as if the discriminations against other gays and myself were personal. I take it very personally.

I have taken it personally as well - because it IS personal. But I suspect it is just as personal with those who are the loudest discriminators. What I have discovered is that those voices often reflect deeply conflicted feelings about their own identities. Do you find that as well?
_________________________



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#434182 - 05/09/13 10:33 PM Re: Gay Rage [Re: WriterKeith]
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1356
@Writer Keith

What an incredibly moving story!

I thank you for the courage to take a stand and walk away from a Pharisaical assembly.

I thank you for doing a penance assisting others who represented the ones your church emotionally neglected - even though you had no responsibility to do so, it tells me you are indeed your brother's keeper.

I thank you for saying you are "so sorry the world has not evolved," because while you are not at fault, it tells me you are shouldering responsibility for being part of the greater world around you.

I am Jewish (you'd never guess by my name). My partner is a Protestant Christian. We are not religious, nor do we go to services other than weddings and funerals. But he does read passages from the bible every once in a while, and knows it quite well. A while back, he suggested I read the Gospels, and I was surprised to discover how simple and pure a man Jesus was. As a Jew, I do not accept him as my savior. But as a person, he is deep inside - my guiding light - my litmus test of right and wrong - my conscience. It sounds like you know Him, too.
_________________________



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#434284 - 05/10/13 05:14 PM Re: Gay Rage [Re: bodyguard8367]
David Mac Offline


Registered: 04/30/13
Posts: 57
Loc: Pacific North West
You know, there was a time in my life whenever I mentioned homosexuality which is mine, I was always "comming out." Now thanks to my recovery program, it's just talking. It feels good to be "one of the boys" again.

I still live in a world of macho s-head homobigots, phobes and ignoramuses. What ya gonna do?

But now to be honest, I think that gays can treat each other pretty badly too. I don't think I need to come up with any examples. Anybody in the so-called gay community can attest to that.

How are we as a minority going to earn the respect of our straight peers when we lack self respect and respect towards others in our community?

Mac

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#434477 - 05/12/13 11:05 AM Re: Gay Rage [Re: bodyguard8367]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/27/14 02:54 PM)

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#434487 - 05/12/13 12:01 PM Re: Gay Rage [Re: bodyguard8367]
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1356
Quote:
Anger is poison.

Geoff, I think you said it all right there. I am reminded of this wise advice: There are those out there who will hate you. But they don't win until you hate them back - and in so doing, you destroy yourself.

Quote:
Anger is poison.

Indeed. Can you think of anything truly worthwhile in this world that anger has produced?

Why let those filled with hate drag you down into their cesspool of bitter intolerance? That is their playing field. You don't have to go there. And if you do - trust me - you'll never win.
_________________________



Click my pic to see why I'm here

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#434510 - 05/12/13 04:52 PM Re: Gay Rage [Re: bodyguard8367]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
Mixed bag for me Geoff. I don't have the answer for the rage...except glass bottles thrown at brick walls in vacant parking lots. Yeppers, it worked.

Gay teen suicides, such as Tyler Clementi, or cases like Matthew Shepard's murder make me furious because some of the circumstances are similar to my growing years. And, even years later, I've just done what I've had to do to get myself clear of it, usually by communication cut-offs, emotional or geographic distance.

I feel fiercely protective of kids like that. Except IRL I'm not as physically imposing a figure as you...all I have is my acting ability in any situation. However, I'd gladly absorb an assault if it means a kid is protected. As a mature adult, unlike a kid, I DO have the life experience and resources to deal with that.

Concerned Husky started another thread today on face-to-face responses to bullies, etc. I've found standing my ground with a firm, angry-sounding voice works, except my response is measured. Often in single words such as "no" or "stop". Internally I'm calm (mostly) and fully cognizant of what I'm going to say and how I'm going to say it. Emotions in the heat of the moment are controlled (yeah, much like Spock). Advantage Lancer.

(fwiw, being a walking petri dish has helped, too. If anyone is gonna take a swing at me, I'm obligated to tell 'em I have HIV and drawing blood could be bad for THEIR health). wink

For me, it's been a matter of channeling my anger. I rarely participate in protests, although there was a particularly nasty megachurch near here and I participated in that protest.

Neither is my forte organizing political actions, committees, etc. Having had several years in D.C., I recognize immediately when the participants are more interested in their own press to advance a career than the issue at hand.

My strength is one-on-one. At first it didn't seem like much. But, as life itself has so often reminded me, I cannot possibly foresee the outcome of my actions...and I may never know either. I guess it goes for 12-step meetings and MS, too. I never know when a word or phrase may click with someone and make a difference. Takes the pressure off any sense I might have of being someone's "savior". lol...as YOU know, dear brother, I just say what's on my mind.

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#434540 - 05/13/13 01:49 AM Re: Gay Rage [Re: bodyguard8367]
WriterKeith Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/10
Posts: 951
Loc: southern California
Thanks, Eric,

The bottom line is, I carry tremendous sadness and guilt over the event. It's a long story, but I didn't speak out enough against what they were doing to tear families apart. I didn't know about the depth of their cruelty until I had left.

There is no excuse to justify separating any dying person from the loved one she or he requests to be with through the last days of life.

When I think of it I am haunted by the thoughts. The church folks thought they were doing the right thing for these two guys' souls, but in reality they were perpetrating the most heinous and cruel act possible. I don't believe Jesus himself would have condoned or participated in such hateful and mean behavior toward two dying men. I wish I would have known and I wish I could have done something.
_________________________
"A burned bridge can be a gift; it prevents us from returning to a place we should have never been."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5JfvAPZGjds

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#434589 - 05/13/13 08:19 PM Re: Gay Rage [Re: WriterKeith]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/27/14 02:55 PM)

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#434620 - 05/14/13 02:46 AM Re: Gay Rage [Re: bodyguard8367]
WriterKeith Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/10
Posts: 951
Loc: southern California
Thanks, Geoff,
I appreciate the encouragement. I don't feel anywhere near having done the right thing. I was bashful then. Now I would halt the church service or the funeral and set things straight.

I was bullied...terribly...through middle school and high school. I can't stand by and allow it when I see adults doing it to someone....anyone, regardless of their reasons.

One week in the late 1980s at a church staff meeting I brought up the matter of the pastor's anti-gay/AIDS tirade in his last Sunday sermon. After the staff meeting dismissed, the associate pastor came to my office and warned me that I could become suspect if I continued to be sympathetic to those dying from AIDS complications. (WTF?!?!)

When I eventually resigned, instead of being a gentleman I wish I would have boldly addressed the hypocrisy before the congregation on a Sunday morning.

I haven't been posting much for some time and I seldom peruse all of the forums. Your thread title "Gay Rage" caught my eye because of the the heated and ignorant arguments in the recent news. It's reminded of that young man's funeral and the situation around it. It used to infuriate me but now it makes me tremendously regretful and sorrowful. I wish I would have stopped the funeral and seated his friend up front.

Maybe "a little child shall lead them" means humankind should learn from children and all should treat each other as potential new friends instead of threats. Instead children are taught how to hate, whom to hate, and to what degree. Still I have hope.
_________________________
"A burned bridge can be a gift; it prevents us from returning to a place we should have never been."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5JfvAPZGjds

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