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#433189 - 05/01/13 06:20 PM Re: We just talked... -> Triggers <- [Re: ThisMan]
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1305
Thank you so much - the words of support mean a lot and I have read each and every post soaking up the wisdom in the collective replies. I'm learning so much and I guess that is all I can do at this point. The same weekend, I had a fortune cookie that read, "You will meet up with an old friend this month." Isn't that a kick. He was a friend - like a big brother. Before he made it more.

But I need to clarify something. The "high-security facility" is NOT a prison, and I'm sorry if I lead anyone to believe that. Perhaps we are only dealing with semantics, but it was a psychiatric center. They have a substantial forensics (criminal) program there, so it did contain prisoners under high security. I did not ask my abuser why he was there, but it was clear he was under guard, highly restricted, and was committed there with no option to leave. The fact is, many questions for me remain. Was he there because he was a danger to himself, or a danger to others, and in what way? I just do not know yet - it was one of the questions I never got to ask.
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#433191 - 05/01/13 06:55 PM Re: We just talked... -> Triggers <- [Re: Chase Eric]
SoccerStar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 915
Loc: New York
He was a serial rapist held under lock and key - Res Ipsa Loquitur. He wasn't there to learn how to dance.
_________________________
My story

"Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of heaven just because it hasn't!" --Bugs Bunny

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#433222 - 05/01/13 11:24 PM Re: We just talked... -> Triggers <- [Re: Chase Eric]
BraveFalcon Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 1096
Loc: The ATL

Hi Eric! Wow, what a development! That you had the strength and courage to go visit your perp after all these years and look him in the eye is incredible. I can only imagine the thoughts and emotions that must have been racing through your head when you saw him. I imagine it might have been very empowering and even healing to see and understand that now, not only can he no longer hurt you, but that he is just a sad, pathetic little shell of a man and that you are so much more than he is. Because of that, I wonder if when you walked away you didn't feel a little bit like you had won in the end. Like you had, in some small way, defeated him. Whether you felt like that or not, I think that the reality is that you have.

By the way, I don't care whether your perp is in prison, a high-security mental hospital, or banished to a leper colony on a deserted in the middle of the Atlantic. As long as he is away somewhere that he can't hurt kids anymore, I'm happy. That's the important thing. Take care. Peace,

Ken

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#433613 - 05/05/13 01:48 PM Re: We just talked... -> Triggers <- [Re: Chase Eric]
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1305
Your words - Poorsoft, Matt, Ken, Geoff, Lancer, Pero, Lee, ThisMan, csasurvivor, Cant - have given me more comfort and support with this than you might think by my relative silence. Thank you.

I think I am ready to discuss the details of what was said - of what I said. It's not easy and I'm not proud of it. I kept it to myself until I was sure I could understand it better. I think I do, now - a lot of this makes more sense to me. The paradox is that by trying to take control of the situation, I found myself further humbled by what I learned about him and about myself. I did not expect that. I didn't expect anything, actually, but certainly not that.

A separate thread is probably how I will go ahead with this. If nothing else, perhaps it will help the next guy who tries the craziness of what I just did. Shared experience. That's what MS is all about. Right?
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#433614 - 05/05/13 02:33 PM Re: We just talked... -> Triggers <- [Re: Chase Eric]
cant_remember Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1039
That's exactly right. Thinking about helping others is what helps us share here.

When you're ready, we're here to listen.

Cant
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Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.

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#433623 - 05/05/13 03:27 PM Re: We just talked... -> Triggers <- [Re: Chase Eric]
Farmer Boy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/23/12
Posts: 442
Loc: Australia
Originally Posted By: Chase Eric
The paradox is that by trying to take control of the situation, I found myself further humbled by what I learned about him and about myself. I did not expect that. I didn't expect anything, actually, but certainly not that.


Eric - That is exactly how I felt after confronting my oldest brother - my first abuser.

Take your time to process everything and when you are ready to share I for one will be listening.

Lee
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More than meets the eye!

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#433625 - 05/05/13 03:55 PM Re: We just talked... -> Triggers <- [Re: Chase Eric]
weharry1959 Offline


Registered: 11/13/10
Posts: 70
Loc: N/W Pennsylvania, USA
I was not able to do what you have done with my first tormentor as he recently passed away.
My second tormentor, I have no idea where he is at. I don't think I could without having a panic attack.
It's oddly funny that your thoughts, expression and outcomes from those who love you and support you and your responses, echo in my head as though you have read my mind.
I don't know if the stain or damage is ever going to be gone or fixed. I don't know if it's good enough to be where I am at at this time. But I know that I'm not alone. I know this probably sounds like a half hearted compliment, but thanks for sharing. I hope maybe knowing that there are others, like myself, who have verbally or mentally spoke out those words and thoughts, it's maybe some encouragement to you.
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Forgiving does not always mean everything goes back to the way it was. There are still natural consequences for what was done.

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#433658 - 05/05/13 09:59 PM Re: We just talked... -> Triggers <- [Re: Poorsoft]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1179
Loc: New York
Originally Posted By: Poorsoft
.... must have taken a lot of courage .....

A lot of balls would describe the courage needed grin.

Peace, Rainbows, Love & Healing
Jeff
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Stick around, It will get better....

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#433660 - 05/05/13 10:28 PM Re: We just talked... -> Triggers <- [Re: Chase Eric]
Publius Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/13/12
Posts: 396
Loc: OH
Well done man I feel like I was there with you. I think in situations such as these there are no questions, no words really to express the ineffable feelings you endured as a result of the abuse. Frankly, the mere act of confronting him in person is astounding unto itself. It was courageous, it was just, and over time it could prove to be a rich source for recovery. If and when you feel like talking about it more I will certainly be listening.
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"Life is like this dark tunnel. You may not always see the light at the end of the tunnel, but if you keep moving, you will come to a better place." ~ General Iroh

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#433730 - 05/06/13 09:37 AM Re: We just talked... -> Triggers <- [Re: Chase Eric]
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1305
Thank you so much for the support. I will post when I get the opportunity later this week.
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