Not so fast, there.
He's back to over-working, although less than before. Since his disclosure in MC, I reminded him that he's able to be seen for free by the local DV center, who also specialize in CSA/SA for both men and women. He declined and said he'll go back after he adjusts into work some and we have money again. (We're still facing eviction, but hopefully will stay put.)
He's still appreciated at work, but has again made work the focus of much of our conversation, and has reverted back to inappropriate actions: leering (full body) at other women when we're on dates, controlling how our sex life plays out, going into work early and staying 2-4 hours late routinely...it doesn't appear that he's breaking any old lies at all.
"We're out of the woods now, all is well" seems to be where he's at. I'd say I know for sure, but most of our conversations are either about finances or fluffy stuff. After I fielded a collection call for his vehicle yesterday, I got angry with him (on the phone, no less). He said "you know, sometimes I just can't handle the stress", and my reply was to ask why he felt I could, without warning. Today he's paying enough to keep the vehicle, and assumed I'd go with him.
I've taken on some side work (art-related; it's been a long time, and feels really good to create again!) I'm also advocating for all three kids as the end of school transition is here and a few problems have cropped up for each kid regarding things like transfers, acceleration testing for them, etc. I wussed out on meetings and fired my AA sponsor after she didn't return calls or texts for three weeks, so I'm committed to go group-shopping this week, as well as to make one new friend in the next month. I'm selling off some of my antiques collection for money.
Today in therapy, my IC pointed out that I do come from a place of compassion with him, and am adjusting my actions to his. I'm also a survivor, and his controlling behaviors are triggering me. This week his big thing is sexist comments, and I have no tolerance for that. He knows it triggers me, down to specific phrases he's insisting on using. I told the IC that, and he asked if I'm ready to apply for FAFSA, get back to school and work on a long-term plan, should my husband continue to refuse IC for his own CSA even though he's disclosed. That's hard to face, that it may be time to begin working toward planning to not be together any more if he stays in denial, yet continues the emotional abuse. I didn't even want to admit that he's still being emotionally abusive. It's rough. My husband is still a good friend, but right now, I'm having a hard time respecting him since he's regressing and back in denial. Doing this dance is wrecking me even as I grow and do more for myself.
Edited by Airmid (06/04/13 03:46 PM)
Edit Reason: spelling