I'm 28 now and I don't know why but I still feel like I'm stuck with the curiosity I had as a teenager. Why can't I get past this fixation of the male body...
Having been raised in a religious household only adds to this stress. I do not condemn religion but I think some people are sometimes too confined by it. At my core I believe homosexuality is a sin. I believe this is perhaps some sort of trial I'm going through but I wonder, when will it end. When will I reach the goal of overcoming the temptations of flesh. When will my mind be stronger than my body. Some days are better than others. A few months will pass and I won't have these strong desires but other times I'll be tempted to tell someone I'm attracted to men. It's like a have a wound and I let it partially heal and then right before it's about to go away I have to tear away the scab and begin the healing process again. I fight it because I don't accept this for who I am. Yes my body may desire another man but I see nothing but regret in my future if I make that decision.
The sin in this world will never go away, temptation will always be there to haunt and torment us. I have read posts here of how people want to live a straight lifestyle. I feel it's OK to want that, some people may tell us we're not being true to ourselves by not being openly gay, that's bull$h!t! No one else on this earth knows me better than I know myself, I know what I truly want out of life.
Sometimes I'll give in and other times I won't, because of this "balance" of good and bad, I maintain my weight. I feel like this is what I'm doing in my life. I'm not letting go of the homosexual desires, I'm still holding onto them which is creating a tension of two opposites and results in me being frozen.
at least equal.
I like the name you chose, it indicates hope. There is hope.
I read your post with great sadness. Because only the very last thing you wrote was truly true. You ARE equal.
I talked to my buddy, Blair the minister and he suggested that exactly as you have written, people are too confined by the by it. But that includes you.
Paul is not helpful , he had lots to say about homosexuality, as did the old testament. JESUS NEVER DID, He made it clear that the treatment of the oppressed, the marginalized and meek shall form the heart of the community. From the fringes to the center to be embraced not shunned or judged.
Creation was about God creating man and woman on the sixth day, both. So men and women are blessed. Sexuality is blessed as it is in the song of Solomon Early Hebrew and Christian scholars long maintained that love is an allegory of God’s love for humankind, or of the intensity of divine love within the human heart. However, it is undeniable that the song celebrates not only human love but also the sensuous and mystical quality of erotic desire
We are called to become fully who we are created to be. To express and experience the fullness of our humanity. If we are created in his image, than who are we to decide what that image should be. If we were not meant to be , we wouldn't be. That is the whole concept of the prodigal son. Its about the father celebrating the son coming home to self , rejoicing in the bringing home of the spirit and body where is belongs.
Therefore please take this as its meant in all kindness without judgement.
IT IS NORMAL FOR A GAY MAN TO LUST AFTER OTHER MEN AS STRAIGHT MEN LUST AFTER WOMEN.
Blair says Friends, Spirit moves. We approach the Bible with heart and mind, because when we get it wrong, we cause a lot of damage. We need look no further than Paul. May his story call us into deeper relationship with Spirit and one another, not for the judgment of the world, but for its healing.
He quotes freely from Peter Gomes book: The Good Book , Reading the Bible with Mind and Heart
Having sex with a man is a choice. Being homosexual is not that is where the religiosity gets it wrong. Being gay is not a lifestyle, its a way of life. You would never say your parents chose to live a heterosexual lifestyle, but getting married is a choice. Its the same in the gay world. Further gay sex is no more a sin than wearing cotton and polyester together, eating mollusks or not beating your neighbor because he did not observe the Sabbath.
Cognitive dissonance is the phenomenon that explains why people, even in light of new information, don’t like to update their previously-held beliefs; this research presents evidence that religion has co-opted some people’s views on the science behind sexual orientation, and changing their minds could prove more difficult than thought. * Whitehead, Andrew (2010). “Sacred Rites and Civil Rights: Religion’s Effect on Attitudes Towards Same-Sex Unions and the Perceived Cause of Homosexuality.” Social Science Quarterly Vol. 91(1).
My friend , you are experiencing a cognitive dissonance whereby your heart and mind keep flip flopping. You describe the whole thing as a wound that won't heal because you pick at it. Your inner voice is trying to let you know it will not be ignored, maybe for a little while, but your true wonderful self will emerge if you let it. It's not about giving in to lust. Humans all have a heart's desire, its about you expressing, embracing and living your hearts desire whatever that turns out to be.
I wish you well.
in terms of something starting to "go wrong". CSA is one early childhood trauma that can trap a soul in a cycle of self repression. But so can the loss of a parent early in life, physical abuse, emotional abuse, parenting that encompassed hypercontrollingness or hyperreligiosity and other early childhood trauma's. CSA is generally worse especially if it is over a long period of time. The child has no means of coping and that beautiful innocent soul gets lost. Love, courage, brotherhood, therapy, group, becoming informed are all ways to help the healing process.
I truly wish you well
Fighting is good. work at fighting for yourself, not against yourself.