Hey guys, this is my first time back to the Forums in nearly a month (right after I first admitted my abuse). Four weeks ago I felt very empowered by the support of my parents and my ex-girlfriend and by the encouragement and understanding of the members on this site.
Well, in typical Nate fashion I was all-in in terms of my recovery for about two weeks. Then I kind of tricked myself into thinking "I Got This!". And I didn't have a damn thing.
Long story short, this past weekend I hit rock bottom and took a handful of pills and chugged 9 beers and went to sleep not caring if I woke up. Fortunately I did wake up and I've spent the past two days getting really real with myself and with the people I care about. And once I started I just couldn't stop.
I apologized and made amends with my ex, told my sister about not only my abuse but about the stupid thing I did on Saturday night. Then I went on my podcast and shared what I'd been going through. And then I started a blog as a place where I could keep account of my feelings and to tell my story. Then I scheduled an appointment with a therapist (something I'd been saying I was going to do for weeks).
I don't really feel good right now. But I don't feel bad either. I just kind of feel ok. And I think I finally learned that it's alright to just be ok. The Road Less Traveled: My Adventures In Authenticity.