A photo of the one who abused me at summercamp. I'm calling him "deleted" for now.
More recent picture
Now I'm concerned that they purchased my services for additional experiments.
Major "deleted" visited my home at least once that I know of. It was in about November after the summercamp. Did he arrange for me to be in more experiments?
My parents told me that I was to be taken to an ancient ear-nose-throat hospital in Washington DC for a tonsillectomy/adenoidectomy, even though I had that 10 years previously. We arrived at the depressing hospital. My parents put me through the doorway to the reception desk and left, almost as though they were ashamed to watch. I was put in a rickety wheelchair, probably dating from the civil war. I was taken to a bed.
During the operation I was under the impression that things were being done to me. I never understood. I was partially awake (patients with DID or MPD often have alters who don't respond to anesthetic properly-Some alters remain awake during operations-I was given extra ether to put me down). I have had the impression for a long time that I was sexually abused during the procedure. I think there was something else that happened. I think there was some kind of experiment being done on my head. I don't know what it was.
Afterward I felt sick from ether. I smelled it for 6 weeks. I couldn't talk properly. I could only talk in a raspy whisper. It didn't get better. It hung on for 3 1/2 years. My problems got worse.
The hospital is no longer there. The doctor was a wretched old man even then.
Does anybody have any ideas? Was I fantasizing or did something happen?
Edited by ModTeam (11/12/1310:16 PM) Edit Reason: Triggering image.
Loc: somewhere in Africa
i was going to send this as a PM but your box is full. but i guess - after all the other things i've posted - this won't seem as personally vulnerable as some of them.
this is in response to your questions, "Does anybody have any ideas? Was I fantasizing or did something happen?"
please forgive me if i am off-base with this - i do not wish to offend you.
i am going to tell you something that really freaked me out. it is so weird that i didn't want to post it on the forums and had told only one other person before this. it made me doubt my own sanity briefly - and made me seriously question the reliability of my senses.
my current avatar is "David with the Head of Goliath," by Caravaggio. He is one of my favorite artists and this is a painting i was hoping to see when in Florence this past June. That did not happen - but i did see another David & Goliath painting - by Reni - that i posted about. i also bought post cards of both that painting and also my original avatar - Caravaggio's "Abraham Sacrificing Isaac" - which i did see there - and have them framed for my room. i know they are kind of creepy pictures to sleep with - but they both relate very directly to periods of my life and recovery.
anyway - here is the weird part: when i was in the museum looking at the painting of David & Goliath, i was impressed with how the eyes of Goliath seemed to be looking straight at me. later, reading the guide book, i noticed that his eyes were closed. i looked more closely at the post card. his eyes are definitely closed there too.
i was so sure that the painting showed the eyes open that i looked it up online to see if there were two versions of this subject by the same artist and maybe the reproductions got mixed up for the book and post card. it turns out that there were two versions - but in both versions - though the head of Goliath was turned different directions, the eyes were unmistakably closed.
i had a very hard time believing what was right in front of me. i was so certain that i saw them open.
here is what i think happened: i was primed for seeing one of the Caravaggio versions - he did at least four - and in three of them the eyes are open. i must have transposed the vivid memory of one of those paintings that i was fervently hoping to see onto the canvas that was before me - producing a hybrid vision of what was actually there and what i was anticipating.
the reason i am telling this story is not to discount your conjectures and attempt to cause you to doubt your conclusions - but to suggest another possible explanation.
i know that what i saw was the truth - the head with the open eyes really exists. the painting that i saw with the eyes closed really exists. somehow my mind combined or telescoped those two truths into one image. in one way, i was deceiving myself. in another way - i was perceiving the truth as i knew and understood it.
so i would suggest a degree of caution - perhaps the truth you have remembered is not exactly the literal, factual, historical truth as it would have been seen by an objective observer. but perhaps it is the essential truth as your mind and memory could grasp it.
for what it's worth... lee
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed Something deep inside... I've been searchin so long to find an answer Now I know my life has meaning Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free... When my tears have come to an end I will understand What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago
I've read a couple of books about this by now. I'm even more convinced that what I experienced was the first stage of creation of this business of creating a bunch of secret slaves. It was in the very beginning of it (1951) and they didn't have clear objectives and procedures then. I think the last evening (Friday) of the camp, I was probably given LSD and perhaps another drug. I don't think they were very clear about the effects of LSD then and my suspicions are that it didn't work well with me in whatever dosage was given. I probably went nuts but I'm not sure. Then their time was up. I'm glad if I failed in the program.
By now I've done enough reading on this subject that I know that "they" were trying to develop drugs and methods to provoke confessions from people. Or they were trying to make people reveal their secrets.
Now I wonder, if the guy who worked on me was trying to experiment with some of those truth drugs. If I had started to "confess" as a 12-year-old boy, it would have been like this:
Michael Aquino holds a Ph.D. in political science and is a U.S. Army Reserve officer with a background in psychological warfare. Ethical, responsible Michael Aquino was accused by the U.S. Army CID on August 11, 1989 of "Conspiracy, Kidnapping, Sodomy, Indecent Acts or Liberties With a Child, False Swearing, Intentional Noncompliance With Article 30 Uniform Code of Military Justice, Maltreatment of a Subordinate and Conduct Unbecoming an Officer," in connection with the Presidio charges. The reason for this investigation and the CID decision are the facts that point to plaintiff's sexual abuse. The victim, a 4 year old girl, "in a completely public setting, identifies a man who sodomized her" and forced her to "place her mouth on his penis." She claimed to know the accused as "Mikey" and identified the wife as "Shamby". After Aquino sued the Army to have his name stricken from the the report, the court investigated and a decision was handed down by the Commanding General of the Army CID on September 28, 1990: "Plaintiff remains titled for Conspiracy, Kidnapping, Sodomy, Indecent Acts and False Swearing." Aquinos pleas of innocence notwithstanding, there is little doubt that molestation occurred at the Presidio. The serious harms inflicted upon the children at Presidio were documented by Diane Ehrensaft Ph.D. http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1037/h0079332/abstract http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed?cmd=Retrieve&list_uids=1580341&dopt=Citation On Aug. 14, 1987, the San Francisco Police staged a raid on the Russian Hills home of Lt. Col. Michael Aquino, an active duty U.S. Army Reserve officer, and his wife Lilith. The raid was in response to allegations that Aquino's home had been the scene of a brutal child rape of a four-year-old girl. The principal suspect in the child molestation, a Baptist Minister named Gary Hambright, was indicted in September 1987 on charges that he committed "lewd and lascivious acts" with six boys and four girls ranging in age from three to seven years old. Police believe Hambright was responsible for 58 separate incidents of child rape. At the time of the alleged incidents, Hambright was employed at a child-care center servicing the U.S. Army base at Presidio. According to an article in the Oct. 30, 1987 issue of the San Francisco Examiner, one of the victims had identified Lt.Col. Aquino and his wife as participants in the child rape. According to the victim, the Aquinos had filmed scenes of the child being fondled by Hambright, in a bathtub at the Aquinos' Russian Hills home. The child's detailed description of the house in which the incident had occurred led police to the Aquino residence, which doubled as a Temple, where they confiscated 38 videotapes, photo negatives and other evidence that the home had been the hub of a pedophile ring operating in and around the army base. For reasons that still remain cloudy, Aquino and his wife were never indicted.
"This is an action brought pursuant to the Privacy Act of 1974, 5 U.S.C. S 552a(g), in which plaintiff alleges that the U.S. Army Criminal Investigation Command (CID) has refused to amend a Report of Investigation (ROI) which states that plaintiff was the subject of an investigation for sexual child abuse and related crimes."
"1. Plaintiff Michael A. Aquino is a Lieutenant Colonel (LTC) in the United States Army Reserve. His name appears in the title block of a CID report of investigation (ROI) for indecent acts with a child and related offenses. Government Exhibit (G.E.) D at 1-4."
I also re-wrote the Star Wars events as part of The Dark Side. George Lucas danced around some interesting themes - initiation, political systems - without actually getting into them. Not surprising for a movie intended or 13-year-olds, of course. He "went into" these things in his se/prequels one way; The Dark Side did so in an entirely different way. The other difference is that he made $zillions; I made $0. ;\)
[Forry offered to pay me for the TDS extract he published in Famous Monsters; I of course said no. I had since heard that that issue #148 of FM brings ridiculous amounts on the secondary market [addendum: it's now down to $18 or so on eBay]; the entire TDS is free on my webpage, obviously.] http://www.rachane.org/docs/DarkSide.pdf _________________________ Michael A. Aquino
The Temple of Set was consecrated in Santa Barbara, California during the summer solstice night of 21 22 June 1975, by Michael A. Aquino, in a "greater black magic" ritual that resulted in what believers regard as an inspired text titled The Book of Coming Forth by Night.
Without any attempt to even ask me about such topics, you have included as facts even without the journalistic dodge-word alleged numerous lies concerning me. I am surprised and disappointed at this. I thought we had sufficient mutual trust and respect to preclude such conduct.
The passages in question are quoted and annotated below. I would appreciate your removing them from your paper, on that website and elsewhere, immediately. A published apology to me would also be appreciated, and would speak to your professional ethics. - Michael Aquino split from Antoine La Vey in 1975 and in the same year, founded his own satanic organization known as the Temple of Set, according to a document of the California Office of Criminal Justice Planning: Research Update, State of California, Volume 1 (6), Winter, 1989-1990′ entitled Occult Crime: A Law Enforcement Primer. - The name is spelled Anton LaVey. The Temple of Set does not believe in Satan [or any other element of Judaeo-Christian mythology], as has been made exhaustively clear in numerous interviews and public statements.
Your citing an Occult Crime document as a reference concerning the Temple of Set and myself, without any clarification that neither the Temple nor I have committed any crimes, is misleading and defamatory. You could fairly have quoted the Temple of Sets 1975 incorporation papers from the California Secretary of States office if you wished a California government reference to the Temples founding. - Noreen Gosch found out that Michael La Vey was involved in the crimes perpetrated against her son, Johnny when Noreen Gosch met with Paul Bonacci in the Nebraska prison in 1991. - [I assume that you meant to write "Michael Aquino" rather than "Michael LaVey"; there is no "MLV".] This presents Noreen Goschs lie as unquestioned truth, when it is pure fiction. - Bonacci told Noreen Gosch that 14 days after Johnny was kidnapped, known Satanist Colonel Michael Aquino came to the house outside of Sioux City Iowa, where Johnny had been kept since the kidnapping. Michael Aquino, then a Colonel in the Army, paid several thousand dollars to the kidnappers, took Johnny and left for Colorado with him. - A complete lie by Bonacci [if in fact Gosch did not fabricate this herself]. I never made any such trip or visit, never paid any money at any time in my life to kidnappers for any reason whatever, and have never had any contact whatever with any Gosch, nor with Bonacci. - In March of 1998, when Johnny Gosch came to his mothers home in the middle of the night, he told his mother about his abduction and named Colonel Michael Aquino as a central perpetrator. Aquino was then an officer in the military reputedly in charge of Operation Mind War for the U.S. government. Operation Mind War was a sub-project of Project MK-Ultra which grew out of Operation Paperclip. Operation Paperclip was a covert operation in which large numbers of Nazi scientists were brought to the United States from the Nazi death camps of World War II to learn from their techniques of torture, drugs, hypnosis, mind control, and genetic experimentation for covert operations. - A complete lie by whichever Gosch invented it. There is not/never has been any Operation Mind War in the U.S. government. Back in the 1970s I co-authored a paper entitled MindWar as an entirely open, nonclassified discussion on the U.S. Armys psychological operations capabilities. During the SRA hysteria of the 1980s, assorted cranks tried to make a public issue out of this paper just because of its catchy title. There was no issue to make.
That paper had no connection to MK-Ultra, nor Paperclip, nor any crazy Nazi experiments. - Aquino has claimed to be the son of a Nazi S.S. officer. - I have never claimed this anywhere, anytime. My father, Michael Aquino Sr., was born an American citizen and is of Italian ancestry. For your information he served as a sergeant in Pattons 3rd Army in World War II, and received the Purple Heart for wounds in combat against the German Army.
"Michael Aquino's property includes 828 Mission St., San Rafael, leased by PROJECT CARE FOR CHILDREN AND MARIN COUNTY CHILD ABUSE COUNCIL."
Officials of Project Care for children expressed shock that the building's owner was linked to the Presidio molestation case. They emphasized that Aquino has nothing to do with the operation of the center, a private non-profit organization that assists parents in finding daycare.
"This is the most ironic a bizarre twist of fate" said Daria Seivers, past president of Project Care.
Very interesting thank you. I find it odd that there are so many references to organized satanism and these mind control experiments but I suppose that theses are the only groups where a pedophile could actually hold his head up???
i was primed for seeing one of the Caravaggio versions - he did at least four - and in three of them the eyes are open. i must have transposed the vivid memory of one of those paintings that i was fervently hoping to see onto the canvas that was before me - producing a hybrid vision of what was actually there and what i was anticipating. the reason i am telling this story is not to discount your conjectures and attempt to cause you to doubt your conclusions - but to suggest another possible explanation. i know that what i saw was the truth - the head with the open eyes really exists. the painting that i saw with the eyes closed really exists. somehow my mind combined or telescoped those two truths into one image. in one way, i was deceiving myself. in another way - i was perceiving the truth as i knew and understood it. so i would suggest a degree of caution - perhaps the truth you have remembered is not exactly the literal, factual, historical truth as it would have been seen by an objective observer. but perhaps it is the essential truth as your mind and memory could grasp it.
There is wisdom in Lee's words. For a multitude of reasons it is hard to believe that Josef Mengele could have ever been at large in the United States - and even if he had been, based on the Werner Von Braun model he would more likely have been employed at some top-secret government medical research center trying to develop vivisection techniques to make U.S. soldiers resistant to radioactive fallout, withstanding torture, or able to communicate by telepathy or something. Having him spend his days giving kids the "turn your head and cough" would be low ROI for the government. There are tragically many people who are just as enthusiastic about torturing children.
I agree. I think Mengele would have been a pretty hot potato anyway. There were still a lot of people around who would have recognized him and not all of them suffered from the stockholm effect. I do understand the urge to see your suffering as part of a larger conspiracy tho. It seems like it fulfills some things that are left wanting after abuse. Having your suffering fit into a larger picture seems to make it more meaningful and less sordid somehow. although I think all of this suffering is more meaningful than any of us can see... at least in a spiritual sense.
I have several books now on MKUltra indoctrination by the CIA and military counterparts. Reading them carefully has allowed me to reconstruct what happened to me as a boy. Yes there are many presumptive thoughts. I want to work this out carefully and then I will post it.
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