Seems like every week or so, something happens to me that brings public humiliation to me. Not in a huge way, but enough to remind me that I'm really just another Bozo on the bus, and need to keep my ego in check. A few weeks ago I shared about giving a heartfelt speech at an AA meeting, only to find out that I had had a huge booger hanging out of my nose the whole time.
Last week I stopped at a Subway shop for a sandwich. I came out and sat in my van eating it for a while, when I noticed that there was a stick shift, hmmm my van is an automatic!?! Oh shit, I took my wife's car today, not the van. I'M SITTING IN SOME STRANGER'S VAN AND THEY'RE GONNA COME OUT AND KILL ME! I ducked down and snuck out of the van and got in my car and drove away as as fast as I could.
The week before, I got up one day, showered and dressed and went about my business. Unbeknownst to me, there was a pair of my wife's panties stuck in the back of my shorts (static cling I guess) and I didn't notice them all day. That night getting undressed, my back to my wife, she noticed them and screamed "Is that my underwear? WHAT ARE YOU INTO NOW!!!!!!" Oh shit, it took a while to explain that one.
And on and on..........must I entertain the universe by always being the idiot?
Loc: durham, north england
God I know this feeling, particularly for me since when i do that sort of thing I get really defensive that it is a "blind" mistake of some sort or other, and there were too many occasions at a teenager where something like that made bad stuff happen.
One thing i've realized though, thanks to who I've been around is how little people notice, ---- really, some people are just thick.
I for example during university managed to trip and tare a hole in the knee of my trousers. I was mortified, since I was seeing some good friends for drinks, it was a half hour's walk back to colidge to change and I was stuck, out there, in the street with a crowd of people pasisng me who I was sure were saying "look at that idiot with his raggedy trousers!"
My friends appeared, we had a chat, we went to a place to grab some lunch. After lunch I told my friend I really needed to head back to colidge so was cutting the time off. my friend, in great puzzlement asked why. Uncomfortably I said "well, ---- you know, to change my trousers?"
My friend staired at the knees of my trousers did a double take and said, "oh! ---- never realized!" since this is one of my really good friends (who I later told about the abuse), I said "I thought it was obvious" to which he replied "well maybe to sherlock holmes!"
one thing I've realized is that my own abusers looked for any excuse to start off, bogies, (what are called boogers in the states), shiny shoes, a different colour shirt etc, but most people are not abusers, and even if they do! notice those sorts of things they don't really care.
Looking foolish is terrifying, and is one of the things tht really! scares me when I'm in public, but I do realize that this reaction is not one which is rational, since most people A, don't notice, or B, simply do not pay enough attention to bother.
Jude, the quick lunch in the stranger's van...laughed out loud... really... and the wife's underwear... and her reaction..."Is that my underwear? WHAT ARE YOU INTO NOW!!!!!!" .... would like to have heard that explanation!
Reminds me of what momma always said growing up..."Now don't get above your raisin' ".... something or someone always can bring back to reality.
Lunch- in a stranger's car... just too funny....
For now we see through a glass, darkly.
agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and
chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole
discretion of MaleSurvivor. I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor
resources are AT-WILL,
and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for
any reason by MaleSurvivor.