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#432920 - 04/29/13 08:44 PM The Cant update
cant_remember Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1039

I haven't been very active here lately, but I wanted to touch base and let y'all know how things have been going on a few fronts.

The EMDR:

After four months of foundation building and trust bonding, and after starting naltrexone (more on that later), my T finally started doing EMDR processing with me this past Friday. In some sessions I have been wondering what I've gotten out of that session by half-way or 3/4 of the way through it... but *this* session?

After 30 minutes of following her finger, I was exhausted. I felt things I had never felt before. I felt "high" from my internal brain chemistry. I felt I was feeling Izzy without him hurting me, which was a crazy feeling.

What has also been interesting is how "Little Cant," my persona that typically recreates the abuse and so therefore hasn't appeared much in my T sessions, has been presenting himself. Apparently, he is the one that helps me do things when "Big Cant" goes away.

I wouldn't have noticed this except that during the EMDR processing, I tell my T "yes ma'am" and "no ma'am," which Big Cant doesn't do. Therefore, it appears that Little Cant is taking over in these moments to help us work through them.

There was a period during the processing when Big Cant, Little Cant and Izzy all felt co-present together at the same time, and it felt crazy.

The Naltrexone

To supplement my EMDR, I'm taking low-dose naltrexone. I graduated up from the compounding pharmacy 1 mg and 5 mg tablets to full-sized tablets of 50 mg. For three days I took 25 mg, half-pills, and I ended up sleeping all day and vomiting at night, so I backed the dosage down to a quarter tablet.

This is supposed to help with stuff, but I'm still acting out and behaving in ways that I wish I didn't, so the jury is still out on that one.

Family Support

Is getting better. I disclosed to my aunt last month and she's been great and very helpful. I'm about to go to her house now with a bottle of wine to talk about stuff.

I have more to add, but gotta run for now. Thank you, my MS brothers, for keeping me alive.

Cant
_________________________
Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.

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#432922 - 04/29/13 08:48 PM Re: The Cant update [Re: cant_remember]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3373
Loc: somewhere in Africa
(((((((Cant)))))))
Lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#432923 - 04/29/13 08:54 PM Re: The Cant update [Re: cant_remember]
ThisMan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/22/13
Posts: 767
Loc: upper south
same from me.... ((((((((Cant))))))))
_________________________
For now we see through a glass, darkly.



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#432940 - 04/29/13 09:52 PM Re: The Cant update [Re: cant_remember]
Candu Offline


Registered: 06/30/12
Posts: 312
Loc: Canada
Quote:
I disclosed to my aunt last month and she's been great and very helpful. I'm about to go to her house now with a bottle of wine to talk about stuff.

This made me cry.

I'm glad that you are moving forward with all this.

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#432944 - 04/29/13 10:07 PM Re: The Cant update [Re: cant_remember]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6852
Loc: USA
Cant

It is really good to get a progress report. I'm glad that little Cant and big Cant worked together with Izzy.

I shouldn't say this, I'm hoping it's funny: Is there a Cant teen? smile

Maybe you have a book in the offing?

Puffer

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#432952 - 04/29/13 10:27 PM Re: The Cant update [Re: cant_remember]
BraveFalcon Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 1096
Loc: The ATL
(((((Can't)))))

Hi Can't. Thanks for the update. It's great to hear that you seem to be making progress with the EMDR therapy. Before coming to MS, I'd never even heard of EMDR therapy before. It's quite fascinating and sound promising. Good luck in your continued progress with it. Also, congrats on disclosing to your aunt. I'm so glad to hear that went well. Peace,

Ken

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#432953 - 04/29/13 10:32 PM Re: The Cant update [Re: cant_remember]
Suwanee Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 706
Loc: Southeast USA
Way to go! It sounds like you are on the right path. Let each success be your step up and over the next challenge.

Will
_________________________
Cruel Summer
My Journal

-Signs and traces left in stone
Ruins of a past unknown-

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#432957 - 04/29/13 10:52 PM Re: The Cant update [Re: cant_remember]
cant_remember Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1039
Cant teen. Seriously, Uncle Puffer? smile

Candu made me teary-eyed and then you made me LOL within seconds of each other.

Thanks, guys. More tomorrow.

Cant.


Edited by cant_remember (04/30/13 01:31 AM)
Edit Reason: added smiley
_________________________
Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.

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#432970 - 04/30/13 02:37 AM Re: The Cant update [Re: cant_remember]
crazy gecko Offline


Registered: 10/04/12
Posts: 309
I'm so glad to hear the EMDR is starting to work for you, and that you are finally making progress! The fact that you are now getting support from more members of your family, is also excellent news.

Stay strong, cant. You can do this!
_________________________
I guess what I'm trying to say
Is whose life is it anyway because livin'
Living is the best revenge
You can play
-- Def Leppard

My Story, Part 2

My blog

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#433041 - 04/30/13 01:09 PM Re: The Cant update [Re: cant_remember]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1510
Loc: New England
Originally Posted By: cant_remember
After 30 minutes of following her finger (EMDR), I was exhausted. I felt things I had never felt before. I felt "high" from my internal brain chemistry.

Hey Can't,

This is good to hear. EMDR was a huge leap forward for me. Painful and scary, yes, but I don't think I'd be where I am without it.

Jude
_________________________
I went back to the doctor
To get another shrink.
I sit and tell him about my weekend,
But he never betrays what he thinks.
Can you see the real me, doctor?.
The Who

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