This is weerd to me since the age I've always perceived myself to be has been dam strange, and i'm only just realizing that others perceptions aren't the same.
As a child, ---- and still more as a very intelligent child, I always came across as older than I was. After I'd lost most of my eyesite at age 7, been to boarding school and undergone emotional abuse at age 10, and lost my best friend at age 12, I was at such a different level to other teenagers age wise it wasn't surprising I stuck out like a sore thumb. I had no friends my age since how the hell could I be friends with people making jokes about toilet humour when I wanted to discuss astro physics or talk about jrr tolkien. Even computer games which had always for me been a point where I could interact with kids my age previous to being a teenager lost their appeal since people just stopped being interested in them anymore.
I longed to be 18 and go to university, and indeed attended several seminars in the youth branche of the counsel for christians and jews because they said at 13 I came across more like a 18 year old.
It's no wonder isolation turned to bullying and abuse, indeed I was always told I was being arrogant, ahving all the right answers, thinking I was better than everything else and these were things I started to believe.
The irony is that physically, I looked if anything even younger. My mum found a picture of me with my first dog as a puppy and said I looked about 10, yet I was 13, I also didn't start shaving until i was 16, and my voice hadn't properly broken until I was nearly 20, (I could still sing boy soprano at 21).
In my late teens and early 20's everything seemed great. There were the legacies of my abuse, the depression, the isolation, but things seemed perfect and I even had friends, and I still remember doing my A levels (at a different schyool to that where I'd experienced the abuse), and my first year of uni with a lot of plesaure.
As time passed though, it seemed I was just hitting limbo. I began to feel older and older, to the point that at 23 I felt as though I was absolutely passed it and all the good in my life had utterly passed. This feeling got worse, especially as all of my friends got married and found perminant relationships and yet I was still in the same place I'd been when i was 18 and first realized there was something with another person (in my case a female person), that was different from friendship.
At 25 I tried a last ditch effort to make my feelings known to a girl i'd fallen in love with and that put me straight into recovery, which was like all the worst bits. I thought if I was four or five years older than someone I was like some creepy old beerded man hanging around with a bunch of teenagers, it also helped that I never really got the irrisponsability thing either.
I'm now 30, ajnd one ironic thing is lots of people think I'm three or five years younger.
It's quite weerd, over the last year I've felt younger than I have for quite some time, and have no longer felt passed things particularly with finishing my doctorate and looking at starting music school. Still, in my darker moments thirty does feel a little scary, but it all depends upon my point of view.
if I stick on a computer game and have fun playing it, or play with the many statues and models on my shelf, --- well I enjoy it! If I discuss quantom physics, science, aesthetics or ethics with someone and am taken seriously, well I enjoy that too.
One thing I've noticed about age is that however the sterriotypes go, there are good and bad points. The bad! of feeling helpless and powerless as a kid, or of feeling unwanted as an old person, but there are equal good bits, and all of those are alterable according to attitude.
A far darker side to things I have noticed is jealousy. Jealousy of the pretty kid (of either genda), who gets things because of they look, or a jealousy of the compitant old person who gets thing because of their position. That is much harder to deal with, since whichever scale I'm on I always come up short.
One ironic thing, is that I don't really want to be middle aged, but I'd really like to be actually old, indeed since men in my family get silver hair, I want to do the full blown wizard thing, staff, long grey beerd, ---- heck I've already got the glasses!