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#432699 - 04/28/13 05:56 AM lookie at what my suspected perps have got up to
Jacob S Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/01/13
Posts: 614
Loc: where the shadows lie
I'm trying to locate my perps who were only a little older than me. My memory isn't real clear and they were minors as well, so I'm not trying to out them or anything, just get a clearer sense of it all for my own well being. I wish I could remember for sure but one happened when I was very very young and the other there's just a big gaping hole. Well, I looked up the two most likely and it turns out that one of them owns a highly-successful software company and the other is on the staff of a united states Senator! Meanwhile I've never been able to hold down a full-time job! If these really are the kids who did what I think they did, good for them, right? I mean, no point in us all being losers! yippee-f*cking-yay.

mad

edit: to clarify, the happiness is sarcastic. I have no positive feelings regarding their success. at all.


Edited by Jacob S (06/22/13 02:49 AM)
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#432817 - 04/29/13 05:59 AM Re: lookie at what my suspected perps have got up to [Re: Jacob S]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3621
Loc: South-East Europe
Hang on Jacob,
don't know what to say. It could be more than hurtful when finding such facts as we all have more than enough problems with negative self image frown

Give one big warm hug to yourself, you are great guy and person!

Pero


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#432851 - 04/29/13 11:45 AM Re: lookie at what my suspected perps have got up to [Re: Jacob S]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/26/14 11:09 PM)

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#432879 - 04/29/13 03:05 PM Re: lookie at what my suspected perps have got up to [Re: Jacob S]
jasondoe101 Offline


Registered: 12/22/12
Posts: 37
Moved because of inappropriate talk!


Edited by ModTeam (04/29/13 03:14 PM)
Edit Reason: disrespectful post

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#432880 - 04/29/13 03:35 PM Re: lookie at what my suspected perps have got up to [Re: Jacob S]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
I think I get the feelings you mention Jacob, though often in relation to former schoolmates or my contemporaries. Here's what I've sometimes felt: In short, "What the fuck is wrong with ME?" THEY'RE successful. THEY'RE respected. And I'm still struggling with the most basic shit. They're success just seems to come naturally to them and I have to fight - usually fail - just to hang on. WHEN is it gonna be MY turn?"


To expand. Do I have to become an amoral, aggressive, arrogant jackass to be successful LIKE THEM? But that's not ME. I actually have a CONSCIENCE. Perhaps a measure of finding a middle ground: The only time I'll throw someone under the bus is when they deserve it.

fwiw, my take with these types is that they often have skeletons in the closet and/or other secrets. So, whether they show it or not, they're always on guard. Perhaps those skeletons, too, go a long way towards explaining their arrogant behavior...protection. To directly address your issue, comparing your insides to their outsides is apples and oranges. Not a fair comparison, as unavoidable as it might feel.

Look at the famous assholes you know - Mel Gibson, Bernie Madoff, etc. Or some you don't know - my adopted mother (who still thinks she should be famous). Eventually their karma catches up with 'em which also takes the burden of evening up the score off me...I can sit back and enjoy the show. And I've had to somehow keep myself content that, no, I'm not driving a BMW X6 - I want white with the oyster interior, white rims please - but my conscience is clear, my life is my own and I'm not beholden to an image or role defined by others.

Hope this makes at least a little sense.

I'd add, well, now you know about them. I sincerely hope you're able to eventually just file it away. These days I usually can, more often than not. I still struggle sometimes, but I'm not comparing myself to others' appearances as much. I've got a white German car, btw. Not an X6. She's over 13 years old. Lovingly restored. And I think the sweat I've put into her says more about me than a spanking new Beemer could.

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#432886 - 04/29/13 04:54 PM Re: lookie at what my suspected perps have got up to [Re: Jacob S]
Farmer Boy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/23/12
Posts: 442
Loc: Australia
Jacob

That really sux.

I'm sorry but if these guys are the perps..... it is just not fair. Sometimes there seems like ther is no justice in the world. I feel your pain.

Sometimes the only thing that keeps me going is the knowledge that the perps that got me are living a miserable and lonely life. The only thing I can say is just because they look sucessful that does not mean they are happy. For all you know their relationships could be completely screwed up and they may be pushing themselves to success because they have nothing else in their life AND to cover the shame they feel for what they did to you.

Again - I am sorry that it seems like they got off scott free.

Lee
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More than meets the eye!

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#432912 - 04/29/13 06:38 PM Re: lookie at what my suspected perps have got up to [Re: Jacob S]
SoccerStar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 918
Loc: New York

Whenever Richard Cory went down town,
We people on the pavement looked at him:
He was a gentleman from sole to crown,
Clean favored, and imperially slim.

And he was always quietly arrayed,
And he was always human when he talked;
But still he fluttered pulses when he said,
"Good-morning," and he glittered when he walked.

And he was rich yes, richer than a king
And admirably schooled in every grace:
In fine, we thought that he was everything
To make us wish that we were in his place.

So on we worked, and waited for the light,
And went without the meat, and cursed the bread;
And Richard Cory, one calm summer night,
Went home and put a bullet through his head.

--Edwin Robinson
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My story

"Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of Heaven just because it hasn't!" --Bugs Bunny

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#432995 - 04/30/13 07:21 AM Re: lookie at what my suspected perps have got up to [Re: SoccerStar]
Suwanee Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 758
Loc: Southeast USA
Wow.

Matt,

That is exactly what I was thinking. Rreading that poem in the 8th grade...it really stuck with me and is very appropriate here. The happy Facebook updates...and witty Twitter feeds...can be legitimate or a facade covering regret, shame, or even misery.

So Jacob...don't fret about what your perps' perceived success. The reality may be more desperate than they want anyone to realize...which in turn contributes to the cycle.

Concentrate on your own development. Chart a course suitable for you. Let the time and tides work on your perps.

Will
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Cruel Summer
My Journal

-Signs and traces left in stone
Ruins of a past unknown-

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