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#431554 - 04/17/13 09:07 AM my worst nightmare - almost
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3492
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Having a rough time right now.

My wife and I are both teachers. Yesterday we were summoned to the principal’s office. The guy who is in charge of investigating child abuse was waiting there. I immediately started to panic. i was afraid it was my worst nightmare - that i was being suspected of perpetrating CSA - that someone had found out about my history and assumed that the myth is true that “all s*x abuse victims become abusers.”

BUT – it was my wife that was being accused. She was put on leave and sent home until they investigate. We were not allowed to know who had brought the charges or what they said she had done. We speculate that is is a parent or colleague that has a grudge of some kind.

Of course, it is absolutely false. I would know – if anyone would – if I were living with a child abuser. We were told not to discuss it with anyone – that it was all highly confidential. But the principal announced it at a staff meeting and sent a letter to all parents. We are both feeling devastated, frustrated, hurt, angry, helpless and hopeless – ABUSED – in a word.

it wasn't my worst nightmare - but it was the next thing to it.

very disillusioned and ready to give up.
Lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#431555 - 04/17/13 09:24 AM Re: my worst nightmare - almost [Re: traveler]
SoccerStar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 916
Loc: New York
That is HORRIBLE, Lee! The parents were told of her name before an investigation was conducted? I'd lawyer up if I were you. If you're ready to quit, sue them for slander and defamation and dare them to fire you.

I'm so so sorry, and am sending the both of you strength to get through this.

Matt
_________________________
My story

"Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of heaven just because it hasn't!" --Bugs Bunny

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#431556 - 04/17/13 09:29 AM Re: my worst nightmare - almost [Re: traveler]
cant_remember Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1045
Lee,

Don't forget to breathe when you're feeling triggered. You will fight this and beat this. And we have your back.

Cant
_________________________
Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.

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#431564 - 04/17/13 11:22 AM Re: my worst nightmare - almost [Re: traveler]
ThisMan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/22/13
Posts: 767
Loc: upper south
Lee,

This is horrendous. And I am beyond belief that the principal would make an announcement in a faculty meeting AND send a letter to parents BEFORE the investigation !!! Just incredible. And how can your wife defend herself if she knows not the details?

Lawyer up. Near the end of my career, a dear friend, also female, was accused of abuse in the classroom in my school. The parent carried forth the word into the community and even to the state dept of ed. The investigation proved complete fabrication and innocence. The teacher and her husband sued for defamation and slander AND she won... You guys put the school and the principal and the accuser on notice that they have made a wrong decision in making their public and professional announcements and accusations.

Like Cant says, breathe deeply when the negative thoughts come. And for both your wife and yourself, fight this accusation with everything you have. Do not let them take control of the world you have worked so hard to build.

b
_________________________
For now we see through a glass, darkly.



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#431565 - 04/17/13 11:26 AM Re: my worst nightmare - almost [Re: traveler]
DavoSwim Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/06/13
Posts: 334
Loc: Iowa, USA
Lee,
This is an awful situation. Please take care of yourself. The truth will be revealed and all will be good. I will think and pray for you. All will be good.

DavO

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#431570 - 04/17/13 01:08 PM Re: my worst nightmare - almost [Re: traveler]
toysoldier Offline


Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 478
Loc: Texas
Keep the faith Lee,trust in the Lord and this shall also pass.

no Weapon formed against You will prosper. Isaiah 54:17
_________________________
I'm supposed to be the soldier who never blows his composure
Even though I hold the weight of the whole world on my shoulders..

Bit by bit Torn apart We never win But the battle wages on
For toy soldiers!

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#431577 - 04/17/13 03:53 PM Re: my worst nightmare - almost [Re: toysoldier]
nltsaved Offline


Registered: 08/26/08
Posts: 854
Loc: Kc,Mo
BE STILL & KNOW THAT HE IS GOD
We mist Get past the cliché and live it out
_________________________
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-uYCAfpxrY
TRIGGER WARNING
Video of me telling my story
you are not alone never were
WRITTEN FORM
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=339159#Post339159
Why i hate Religion but love Jesus
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IAhDGYlpqY

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#431586 - 04/17/13 06:28 PM Re: my worst nightmare - almost [Re: traveler]
LazyPirate Offline


Registered: 01/03/13
Posts: 106
Loc: Ontario
Unbelievable.
_________________________
The Bluebird of Happiness long absent from his life, Ned is visited by the Chicken of Depression. - Gary Larson

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#431597 - 04/17/13 08:09 PM Re: my worst nightmare - almost [Re: traveler]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3492
Loc: somewhere in Africa
thank you all.

i have very mixed feelings about this. i believe it is necessary and laudable to protect children and to strongly pursue any allegations of abuse. i am glad they are vigilant in that respect. BUT - it seems that in the process - the accused person's rights are nonexistant - at least in this case - and the supposed perp becomes a victim.

we work in an international school - outside the U.S. the same laws and prtotections do not apply here. i don't know what our rights are, in fact - but it may not be possible to sue anyone. we are trying to appeal to our organization - which contracts with this independent school to provide teachers - to see what support and counsel they can offer.

still reeling,
lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


Top
#431599 - 04/17/13 09:21 PM Re: my worst nightmare - almost [Re: traveler]
SoccerStar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 916
Loc: New York
If its a country formerly owned by England, you shoukd see if they still have England's super-duper libel laws, which would be on your side in this case.
_________________________
My story

"Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of heaven just because it hasn't!" --Bugs Bunny

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