since you asked me not to, i promise i won't delete my posts.
i am feeling better already
had a good talk with my family about an hour ago.
they don't understand me, of course not, but they love me.
it gets easier every time, does it not?
i already know from past experience that withdrawing into a whirlpool of "why why why" is a waste of precious time.
one of my many therapists taught me how to break the downward spiral, when she identified what i was doing.
she said something like, "oh, that is what you do... you ruminate and escalate when you contemplate. you need to ventilate"
i did not quite understand her at the time, i was too busy venting to hear with my heart.
(* venting is not the same as ventilating).
what she said stuck with me, though, because i was not familiar with some of the words, and my pride would not allow that.
i had to look them up in a dictionary later, and it was one of those epiphany moments. once i understood it, it stopped.
as timothy leary once said... "once you get the message, you can hang up the phone"
i am too old and wise to succumb to the panic anymore.
i have finally learned to put some distance between my compulsions and my actions.
i appreciate your concern.
pretty silly, and yet so serious.
this is who we are
* my definitions...
VENTING: letting out steam to avoid an explosion
VENTILATING: open a window and let in some fresh air