Newest Members
Rurai, ratherbfishing, NeverAgainSB, It Just Is, HealingHope
12805 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
blueelectron9 (49), Grunty1967b (2015), highflight (43), jocks44 (55), kitm1 (48), Porrick (45)
Who's Online
1 registered (smc1972), 15 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12805 Members
75 Forums
66055 Topics
461794 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Topic Options
#432249 - 04/24/13 04:03 AM Rant - Perp. saying "I Love You"
concerned_husky Offline

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 699
Long story short, my perp's my mother. I'm still in touch with my parents unfortunately. She sends me e-mails - but at least on a trip I can avoid her calls. the end of each one she writes "I LOVE YOU!!!!!" in capital letters and reading it just fucks me up for the whole day. The nerve, the fucking nerve to tell me that!!! And my dad sends me an e-mail too lecturing me on how careful I have to be when I'm abroad. Like really. You're telling me I've got to be careful of my surroundings when you let your wife sleep with your son for 6 years. Do you know how shitty of a dad you are...? Can't wait until I'm financially independent so I can cut them out of my life for good.

#432250 - 04/24/13 04:18 AM Re: Rant - Perp. saying "I Love You" [Re: concerned_husky]
concerned_husky Offline

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 699
...Sorry for all the swearing. Just really worked up at the moment.

#432254 - 04/24/13 07:38 AM Re: Rant - Perp. saying "I Love You" [Re: concerned_husky]
Poorsoft Offline

Registered: 02/20/13
Posts: 163
Swear away my friend.

#432269 - 04/24/13 10:43 AM Re: Rant - Perp. saying "I Love You" [Re: concerned_husky]
Jude Offline

Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1614
Loc: New England
Originally Posted By: concerned_husky
Can't wait until I'm financially independent so I can cut them out of my life for good.

Maybe you need to do it now. Whatever support you're getting from them sounds like its outweighed by the misery they cause you. Give it a thought man. We are behind you no matter what.

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Sarah McLachlan

#432270 - 04/24/13 11:23 AM Re: Rant - Perp. saying "I Love You" [Re: concerned_husky]
cant_remember Offline

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1050
Your mother is a monster who is trying to manipulate and control you.

You need to find a way to let her know that you are in control of your own life now, even if that means dropping off their radar as Jude suggests.

We are here for you.

Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.

#432309 - 04/24/13 08:21 PM Re: Rant - Perp. saying "I Love You" [Re: concerned_husky]
BraveFalcon Offline

Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 1224
Loc: The ATL
Hello CH. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. You have every right to feel the anger you feel when you mother does this. As far as I'm concerned, she has no right to even say that to you after what she did, or to even write it down. In her own sick, twisted way, she may mean it, but the type of "love" she has displayed is abusive and unhealthy and you have every right to reject it and shut it out of your life if and when you can. Like the others, I encourage you to do this as soon as possible. Good luck with that and be strong.

BTW, don't apologize for your language, ever. This coming from Captain Potty-Mouth himself. smile Peace,


#432312 - 04/24/13 08:50 PM Re: Rant - Perp. saying "I Love You" [Re: concerned_husky]
csasurvivor1992 Offline

Registered: 03/25/13
Posts: 132
Loc: Texas
husky, i'm so sorry to hear that, so sorry to hear that. i definitely understand how your abuser saying those words can mess you up, i understand that for sure. my abuser is my father. he said those things to me too. kissed me on the head. had the gall to "teach" me and help me set goals. had the nerve to call me on thanksgiving even after knowing i was in therapy because i was abused BY HIM.

i hung up on him. hung up the phone. he had been cut out for five months at that point... almost a year now. he sent me a text a few weeks ago, called me a dickweed. i called him a pedophile. he stopped texting.

i won't tell you to cut your parents out, it sounds like your situation is complicated. in our fucked up view of the world, it is possible to minimize things like food/shelter and money for those things when we catastrophize or get these grand ideas about how we're going to take control.

i'll simply say i understand your pain. you are right for feeling the way you do. the HARDEST PART of all of this for us, especially i think as our abusers are our parents is... what does this mean? is getting raped by my parent a big deal? is it common? am i wrong for seeking help? am i wrong for being angry? do i just need to get over it? your abuser undermines everything in you getting help when she utters that phrase reserved for people who actually know what it means to love. it causes questions that don't need to be asked.

i cut out my dad when i started this and it has helped. i've thought about rescinding my own restraining order on him, but whenever i do, i minimize the damage he's done to me. i was not important to him, i was nothing to him but a way to satisfy his own selfish desires. i was nothing to my own father. fuck him.

i'm glad to hear you have a plan about getting out from that prison that is your relationship with your parents.

hang in there man. as has been said, we've all got your back.
May your past be the sound of your feet upon the ground, carry on. ~Fun.

#432316 - 04/24/13 09:49 PM Re: Rant - Perp. saying "I Love You" [Re: concerned_husky]
traveler Offline

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3770
Loc: somewhere in Africa
husky -

when I was in college, I got tired of feeling used by the parents - and all the emotional manipulation - and the ultimatums and blackmail - to get me to do what they wanted - or they would not continue to support me and finance my education. this was BEFORE the abuse memories showed up (step-dad was the 1st perp). the last straw was when I discovered that they had been receiving Social Security checks for my benefit - monthly - since my real father died when I was days short of 3 years old - and they had never told me! i only found out when the checks were about to stop because of my age or my talk of taking a break from college. I felt cheated and betrayed. like i was their cash cow.

I finished my Junior academic year, dropped out with a good passing GPA, moved across country and lived a more-or-less hand-to mouth "bohemian" life-style. since then I have had minimal contact and communication with them - mail 2-3 times a year - and visits every 2-3 years. they thought of me as a "hippie" - but there were no drugs or orgies in my life. I was poor - but I was FREE! it was the best thing I could have done. I made it on my own. i finished university several years later - self-supported. I pursued art and theatre as a career - which they told me would be a failure - and successfully raised a family of 3 kids.

you don't have to continue to submit to abuse - mental, financial, emotional - whatever.
"That you are here - that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. . . What will your verse be?" Robin Williams as John Keating in "Dead Poets Society"

#432536 - 04/26/13 02:36 PM Re: Rant - Perp. saying "I Love You" [Re: concerned_husky]
concerned_husky Offline

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 699
Thanks for the input again guys. I know it's redundant because I just end every post by saying 'thanks', but I really really mean it. It's really hearing back from you guys and reading about your stories, knowing I'm not alone in this and that there are people out there who are supporting me. I definitely agree with ending contact and becoming financially independent as soon as possible, something I'm putting my mind to.



Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.