Newest Members
Mark71, oic, ocean, alone87, letheaqua
12882 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
BobdaFarmer61 (54), LeeM1974 (41), MATROS48 (58), victor valdez (41)
Who's Online
3 registered (3 invisible), 18 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12882 Members
75 Forums
66658 Topics
465781 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Page 1 of 2 1 2 >
Topic Options
#432447 - 04/25/13 08:55 PM I made a mistake?
CloudyFalls Offline

Registered: 07/18/12
Posts: 173
Loc: Ohio
I got back from group therapy, my dad drove me home. I told him about how I feel guilty and shameful and how I beat myself up all the time. He said everybody makes mistakes. I said, but I didn't make any mistake. He said, I disagree, you should've told someone. I said again, I did not make any mistake, I was a child. He said, yes you did, that's why you feel so guilty.

I hope you guys can fill the words that follow, because I am at a loss for words right now. I need your support for this. I did not make a mistake, he did. He could not protect me like a father should, he wasn't there, he was a drunk. He chose to look the other way, and now he's deflecting responsibility onto me.

I am ready to disown him right here and right now.
"The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - Albert Einstein

#432448 - 04/25/13 08:59 PM Re: I made a mistake? [Re: CloudyFalls]
traveler Offline

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3814
Loc: somewhere in Africa
what you are feeling is called "false guilt" and the shame is projected onto you by others.


YOU did NOT make a mistake.

you need to hear that and believe it.

There’s a special providence in the fall of a sparrow. If it be now, ’tis not to come. If it be not to come, it will be now. If it be not now, yet it will come—the readiness is all. - Hamlet, Act 5, sc 2

#432449 - 04/25/13 09:20 PM Re: I made a mistake? [Re: CloudyFalls]
csasurvivor1992 Offline

Registered: 03/25/13
Posts: 132
Loc: Texas
wow. good on you for posting.

this is not your fault. none of this is your fault. none of it.

your dad thinks he knows the answers, he is shifting the guilt he feels onto you.

you are not to blame. you have done the best you can in light of these awful circumstances.

be easy on yourself brother. be easy on yourself.
May your past be the sound of your feet upon the ground, carry on. ~Fun.

#432451 - 04/25/13 09:36 PM Re: I made a mistake? [Re: CloudyFalls]
ThisMan Offline

Registered: 01/22/13
Posts: 769
Loc: upper south
CF- to echo what you just heard from the others here...No, not your fault! None of it is. To tell, to not tell? Why in the world would a dad would say that to his son I don't understand, but try very, very hard to not accept these words. Not your fault. Not your guilt. .......and I even heard something similar directed at me today... I repeat, Cloudy, you were a kid and you did not make a mistake.
For now we see through a glass, darkly.

#432453 - 04/25/13 09:50 PM Re: I made a mistake? [Re: CloudyFalls]
BraveFalcon Offline

Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 1224
Loc: The ATL

Hi CF. Sorry you're having to deal with this. No, it was not your fault and no, you didn't make a mistake. I can't believe your father would be so obtuse as to have said something like that and it fucking pisses me off that he did. My mom stopped just short of saying the same shit when I disclosed to her, so this hits a little close to home for me.

Allow me to draw an analogy here. Imagine a little boy is lost in the woods alone and gets attacked by a wild animal. He is hurt and frightened and doesn't know what to do. He is lost for days with his wounds and doesn't know which way to turn. He is bleeding. He is starving. He is dying. Then, right before death is upon him, he miraculously finds his way out of the woods in a spot where there is a hospital right across the street. The next day his father looks down at him in his hospital bed and says, "Boy son, you should have done something to treat your own wounds or found a hospital sooner. You sure made some big mistakes out there!" What your father said to you is no less ridiculous, no less idiotic, and no less insensitive than that. Take care man. Peace,


#432459 - 04/25/13 10:25 PM " [Re: CloudyFalls]
lbcali1978 Offline

Registered: 02/16/12
Posts: 217

Edited by lbcali1978 (04/27/13 08:15 PM)
They said

Come home

I said

I'm confused and alone

They said

We understand

I found out they don't

I'll walk the path exactly how I've always done it


#432471 - 04/25/13 11:57 PM Re: I made a mistake? [Re: lbcali1978]
pufferfish Offline

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
Your dad is deflecting blame from himself by trying to put it on you. That's wrong and it's damaging to you. He's being a jerk.


#432476 - 04/26/13 12:56 AM Re: I made a mistake? [Re: CloudyFalls]
bodyguard8367 Offline

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""

Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/26/14 11:06 PM)

#432477 - 04/26/13 01:29 AM Re: I made a mistake? [Re: CloudyFalls]
crazy gecko Offline

Registered: 10/04/12
Posts: 309
You did NOT make a mistake? Should you have told? Possibly, yes. Did you know that at the time? Hell no. You were a child, for goodness sake! Trying to shift ANY blame onto you is just sick. mad mad
I guess what I'm trying to say
Is whose life is it anyway because livin'
Living is the best revenge
You can play
-- Def Leppard

My Story, Part 2

My blog

#432490 - 04/26/13 04:59 AM Re: I made a mistake? [Re: CloudyFalls]
onlyakid Offline

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1556
Loc: New Jersey
The only mistake you made was trusting that you could talk to him about this. With comments like that its no wonder you didn't feel like telling him was an option. Just like I have to remind myself everyday, hence my username we were "only a kid" when this happened.
"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"

Page 1 of 2 1 2 >

Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.