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#432252 - 04/24/13 04:38 AM 3, 6, 12, 15, 23, 33
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3322
Loc: somewhere in Africa
3
Daddyís gone.
Whereís Daddy?
In heaven.
With Jesus?
Yes.
Jesus and Daddy donít play with me.
I canít see them.
They are too far away.
I miss my Daddy.

6
Do I want a new daddy?
Yes!
I remember my first Daddy a little.
He was nice.
He played with me.
I loved him.
. . .
This new daddy isnít good.
He doesnít play nice.
He hurts me.
He makes me feel funny -
(- I mean bad.)
Heís not my real daddy.

12
I donít understand
whatís happening to me,
how I feel sometimes,
the weird, scary dreams,
my body, my mind, my emotions Ė
- all out of control,
why he treats me that way,
why other guys do those things to me?
I donít like the way they make me feel.
I just wonít feel any thing any more.
Iíll go where they canít reach me.

15
I thought it was over Ė
- but it isnít.
I thought I was safe Ė
- but Iím not.
Itís been a couple of years Ė
- now itís happening again,
but this time with a stranger.
How does he know?
How can he tell?
There must be something wrong with me.
I canít let anyone know.

23
Child abuse?
Yeah Ė Iíve heard of it.
Itís a shame Ė
- but I had a pretty normal
childhood growing up:
two parents, nice house,
upper-middle-class.
All the perks.
It must be really awful.
Abused? Ė Not me!
But Ė I donít really want to have children.
And Ė I sometimes feel really weird about sex.
That must be just something wrong with me.

33
Depressed, hopeless, suicidal,
failing, unable to function,
isolating, uncommunicativeÖ
How can I be both numb Ė
- and also hurt so bad?
Pressed into therapy,
I open my mouth and it all spills out Ė
- bitter, stinking, burning as vomit,
- but flat as reading the phone book.
I canít believe itÖ
I was abused!
I guess Iíve known what happened all along Ė
- but I couldnít bring myself to call it that.
Now Iím re-calling the details.
I can no longer run away,
or hide,
or tell myself it didnít happen,
or call it something else.
And now I can no longer
refuse to feel the emotions
of all the memories
of all the ages:
3, 6, 12, 15, 23, 33.
I canít do this any more.
I am finished.
Iím OK now.

But wait Ė thereís more Ė thereís 60Ö

- lee
4-24-13


Edited by traveler (04/24/13 09:08 AM)
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#432356 - 04/25/13 05:47 AM Re: 3, 6, 12, 15, 23, 33 [Re: traveler]
Jacob S Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/01/13
Posts: 592
This has meaning to me. Its not opening any doors, but the hinges are getting loose.

Thank you.
_________________________
Like a spent gladiator
crawling in the colosseum dust
who can count on his remaining limbs
all the people he can trust.
Like the one who stands behind him
cheering him on
Estatic when he stands defiant,
wild with abandon when he's gone

just stay alive.
do whatever you need to.
you are worth it.

Top
#432405 - 04/25/13 03:38 PM Re: 3, 6, 12, 15, 23, 33 [Re: traveler]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/26/14 11:05 PM)

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#432408 - 04/25/13 03:58 PM Re: 3, 6, 12, 15, 23, 33 [Re: traveler]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3600
Loc: South-East Europe
Nice to meet you Lee in this very moment wink
_________________________
My story

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#434271 - 05/10/13 01:57 PM Re: 3, 6, 12, 15, 23, 33 [Re: traveler]
ThisMan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/22/13
Posts: 767
Loc: upper south
...beautifully haunting, Lee. ty.
_________________________
For now we see through a glass, darkly.



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#434297 - 05/10/13 07:55 PM Re: 3, 6, 12, 15, 23, 33 [Re: traveler]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3101
Loc: O Kanada
this is amazing!

you are not finished.

you will be adding a few more verses to this poem.

44, 55, etc.

you have a gift with words.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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