husky, i'm so sorry to hear that, so sorry to hear that. i definitely understand how your abuser saying those words can mess you up, i understand that for sure. my abuser is my father. he said those things to me too. kissed me on the head. had the gall to "teach" me and help me set goals. had the nerve to call me on thanksgiving even after knowing i was in therapy because i was abused BY HIM.
i hung up on him. hung up the phone. he had been cut out for five months at that point... almost a year now. he sent me a text a few weeks ago, called me a dickweed. i called him a pedophile. he stopped texting.
i won't tell you to cut your parents out, it sounds like your situation is complicated. in our fucked up view of the world, it is possible to minimize things like food/shelter and money for those things when we catastrophize or get these grand ideas about how we're going to take control.
i'll simply say i understand your pain. you are right for feeling the way you do. the HARDEST PART of all of this for us, especially i think as our abusers are our parents is... what does this mean? is getting raped by my parent a big deal? is it common? am i wrong for seeking help? am i wrong for being angry? do i just need to get over it? your abuser undermines everything in you getting help when she utters that phrase reserved for people who actually know what it means to love. it causes questions that don't need to be asked.
i cut out my dad when i started this and it has helped. i've thought about rescinding my own restraining order on him, but whenever i do, i minimize the damage he's done to me. i was not important to him, i was nothing to him but a way to satisfy his own selfish desires. i was nothing to my own father. fuck him.
i'm glad to hear you have a plan about getting out from that prison that is your relationship with your parents.
hang in there man. as has been said, we've all got your back.
May your past be the sound of your feet upon the ground, carry on. ~Fun.