hey guys I needed to post this cause it is kinda where Ive been all week not sure what it means and that is kinda frightening. As I look back through my writings "he" is there often... not a good feeling
Itís Incredible, Iím inside feeling seeing, knowing that all around life is there. There the reality, there not here. I am commanded by his voice driven by his thoughts not my own. give in? I cannot but more and more so I just become exhausted, and there he speaks more loudly. He takes control, oh! His voice! This noise can seem so loud even at other times but in my weakness he calls from strength and offers pleasure, peace, rest FALSE PROMISE!.... NO it is too risky. It is not me! But Where am I? Where is this cage? It can hold only one, and I am he, though yet I am not. It is him, this monster, this hulk which transforms from one to another leaving one me trapped in a cage of my own mind while my body is exercised. Like something possessed it moves on its own and moves toward disaster. All I can do is to try to retain control, even from the cage I cannot be ignored, but there is a price. Even now I am chastised for sharing these secrets, this journal of his existence. Who is he, this me who is not and yet is? He who is driving for action, screaming for influence, and at times dominating this mind until inevitably expression is made. The sacrifice offered up and I, this me is left to give penance in shame. Ultimately the cage will be his again once the primal urge has been met. Once the passion has been extinguished and his cage secured and yet the eternal problem is, being meÖ He has the key.
Towards thee I roll, thou all-destroying but unconquering whale; to the last I grapple with thee; from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee. let me then tow to pieces, while still chasing thee, thou damned whale! Thus, I give up the spear!"