I thought I was admitting the truth of my childhood to get better. Seems to me that when I lied and kept it all hidden in the box I could be mostly happy.
I know exactly what you mean. Early in recovery I thought wtf good is this? At least when I was covering it up with sex, drugs and alcohol, I felt good, and I seemed to be successful. With disclosure came all the feelings
I had never allowed myself to feel. Forty-two years of horrible feelings
to deal with 24/7.
I can only tell you that it does get better, but like the song says "you've got to go through hell before you get to heaven
" (The Steve Miller Band)
. Feel it all brother, its the only way out.
PS: Loss of libido is comon with depression. Don't worry, the south shall rise again.