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#430550 - 04/08/13 07:06 PM Re: Dissociative amnesia and hypnotherapy [Re: Life's A Dream]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1123
Loc: New York
Hey LAD,

As far as your father's keeping secret so much stuff I kept my past secret for 40+ years. I never told anyone anything. As far as I was concerned my life started at 22 a year after I got out of the USAF. Never told anyone that I was even in the USAF. My T called that very extreme. I first told my wife my true life a year ago this past October. My kids and their families still don't know anything about my life, where I went to school, nothing. So I understand that people do not want others to know maybe because they will be ostracized.

That he stopped abusing you is probably feeling bad doing what was done to him. Maybe he was acting out and saw that it was wrong. I can understand not calling him an abuser for that reason I guess.

I wanted to one day go to the olympics. I had a great chance and I knew the right people and had the right teachers, all were Japanese from the old school of training in Japan. I would practice 14 hours on Saturdays, then approximately another 15 hours during the week, it was my life. But I think that the big turn was after the movies ended I was a mess. By 15 I would shoot the kitchen sink if I could have gotten it into a syringe crazy.

I would just think that whatever you uncover do not make your father nervous or like you mention poison the well. When you have solid facts you can make up your mind what to do. You might end up not saying anything to him. You can worry about all that later on.

The real question is what to do when you get your answers. You made me think again about papasan and what I would do if I knew where he is. I never found any mention of him on the internet so I think that he went back to Japan at some point. Would I prosecute him if I met him. Not at this point, even with now knowing that he had sold me into the most terrifying portion of my life. Why? as of now I still think he was the most loving person I ever had. Am I crazy? Maybe. I don't have a problem with him I have a problem with what I did.

Peace, Rainbows, Love & Healing
<3 XOXO
Jeff
_________________________
Depression Feels Like Home, and Happiness is Just a Place You Visit

It will get better....

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#430566 - 04/08/13 08:43 PM Re: Dissociative amnesia and hypnotherapy [Re: Life's A Dream]
BraveFalcon Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 1043
Loc: The ATL
Hi Bryan. Good luck with the hypnotherapy. I hope it will reveal the answers you are seeking. I have to say that I don't know much about it, but that I have considered it before because of one instance from my childhood about which I remember very little. The incident involved a teenage boy and I posted about it in my first post to this forum. (The one I have linked at the bottom of my posts). I'm planning on posting about that in more detail soon. The hypnotherapy thing is not something I'll probably ever do, (or any other therapy ever again for that matter), but I will be looking forward to seeing how your experience turns out, just in case I change my mind someday.

Originally Posted By: cant_remember
For others who have come out of the other side of this, what is it like once you have buried your child self and have become your own widower?


By this I take it you mean burying the idea of the self you would have been had your child self not been sexually traumatized? If that's what you mean, I declared that self legally dead a long time ago. That self is now permanently unsalvageable, and I've accepted that and moved on. What I've moved on to is a life of underachievement, self-loathing, alcoholism, emotional emptiness, etc, etc, etc. When I say I've "moved on" I don't mean that I've necessarily "recovered", but that I've adapted and adjusted to being this way and have learned how to function in this world in spite of it. That may not constitute recovery but it does constitute survival. For what it's worth anyway. Peace,

Ken

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#430573 - 04/08/13 09:53 PM Re: Dissociative amnesia and hypnotherapy [Re: Life's A Dream]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6704
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: Life's A Dream

Has anyone else here had amnesia and tried hypnotherapy successfully?

I have.

I was put on a regimen of light hypnosis for DID stuff. Light hypnosis was the same as deep relaxation in my therapy. It was very non-threatening. The T had built a sense of trust in me.

It is a different technique than deep hypnosis where the will is surrendered to the psychotherapist. In deep relaxation, my mind and will were still active. I was aware of what was taking place and so I was a participant.

It was almost fun to have the various boy personalities come forth and be talked to. I had several 12-year-old personalities, due to the flagrant nature of abuse then. At one point I was a 12-year-old boy and I drove the car to the shopping center. Nothing bad happened, but I don't recommend this.

The deep relaxation therapy (light hypnosis) was highly successful at clarifying what was going on inside of me. Before doing this I produced a diagram of me: All the various personalities. I identified about a dozen and we weren't sure it was complete. I learned the technique and I was soon doing it at home. In a quiet evening when wife was at work, I got the tape player with sweet children's music. I had an agenda worked out ahead of time. The agenda was very simple. It involved putting myself into the deep relaxation and calling out one of the child personalities. I the adult remained the moderator. Then the child and I enjoyed the music and then I persuaded the child personality to integrate with the adult (me). Yes, use very simple reasoning. They always said 'yes'. With each session I was becoming more "whole".

During this time the T was also working with me and with the inner children. He's a good man and he has successfully raised 3 children of his own.

Finally we arrived at the situation of my apparently having 2 personalities: adult and boy age 12. The boy had all the memories of the torture and sexual abuse in the scout camp. He was very troubled. At that time I bolted from therapy. That boy wasn't willing to progress and there were some other complications. I think this can easily happen when a difficult personality is encountered. The boy was paranoid and had lots of problems.

This went on for several years and finally I had EMDR therapy which was successful in integrating the boy with the adult, although there were lots of loose memory tags left.

Today, I wonder if there are undiscovered personalities and stuff in there which might still be causing problems. So I have returned to the first T who did the psychotherapy.

Originally Posted By: Life's A Dream
So, I'm going to a hypnotherapist to see what exactly is hiding in my subconscious. My EMDR therapist has not been much help and seems very new to the discipline, and inept. I know some people warn against this. The very odd thing, in my case, is I'm living with the parent I suspect SA'd me, and my parents are paying for the hypnotherapist.

A guy in your situation is at war with himself. A boy forms his role model of who he should be in life from his dad. So if he has sincere doubts as to whether the dad was worthy of trust, then the guy feels like he's in a very shaky situation.
Originally Posted By: LAD

The only thing I can think is that he- my father- suspected perp- knows I'm already having flashbacks trickle in slowly, .....
I just want to know the truth. I know that's hard to fathom for some people, and maybe it's easy for me to say while I'm on this side of the amnesia, but I still love my father. I hate what he did, if he did it. And there's a whole laundry list of reasons I think it was him. But I'm open to anything.

You're in the position of having to double-think your father and what he might have done. You do need some good help with this.

How much does your father know about psychology and the psychology of healing?

The deep relaxation technique used with me allowed me to access the deeper stuff down inside without feeling that sensation of violating secrecy.

One of the books I've found most helpful about hypnotherapy in treating our kinds of problems is: Fractured Mind, My Life With Multiple Personality Disorder, by Robert B. Oxnam. Oxnam writes in an interesting fashion and describes the various personalities who came forward. Oxnam was a high functioning adult who had experienced trauma from some teenagers when he was very small. He originally entered therapy for alcoholism and then after a period of time the personalities appeared. The first one was Bobby who was 13. His therapy allowed him to remain functional. I recommend this book.

http://www.amazon.com/FRACTURED-MIND-MULTIPLE-PERSONALITY-DISORDER/dp/B000Y8SE4W/

Puffer

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#431984 - 04/21/13 07:01 PM Re: Dissociative amnesia and hypnotherapy [Re: Life's A Dream]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1123
Loc: New York
Holy shit LAD, did you pull the same thing I did. Don't do it. I regret doing it very much. With everything you write you are helping someone. I told my T that I was just being selfish but he told me, no I was wrong.

Peace, Rainbows, Love & Healing
Jeff
_________________________
Depression Feels Like Home, and Happiness is Just a Place You Visit

It will get better....

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#436494 - 06/01/13 05:36 PM Re: Dissociative amnesia and hypnotherapy [Re: Life's A Dream]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1123
Loc: New York
Hey LAD,

Are you here?

Peace, Rainbows, Love & Healing
<3 XOXO
Jeff
_________________________
Depression Feels Like Home, and Happiness is Just a Place You Visit

It will get better....

Top
#436501 - 06/01/13 07:46 PM Re: Dissociative amnesia and hypnotherapy [Re: lapchinj]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6704
Loc: USA
It is with great sorrow that I report this.

I have debated all day as to how and if I should report this.

LAD died at home a week or so after this thread was posted. That is, May 20, 2013. I don't know any details. He didn't show up to MS since this last post. I went looking for answers this morning.

We called him "LAD". His real "handle" in MS was "Life's A Dream".

His name was Bryan Thomas White. He was 29 years old.

He was from Prescott, Arizona. He was born in Oregon.

Quote:

Bryan Thomas White, 29, died Monday, May 20, 2013 at his home in Prescott Valley, Arizona. He was born November 9, 1983 in Salem, Oregon; the son of Stewart A. and Karen Sue (Vorce) White.
A Celebration of Bryan's life was held Saturday, May 25, 2013.






http://www.sunrisefuneralhome.com/obituaries/Bryan-White/#!/Obituary

www.sunrisefuneralhome.com/obituaries/Bryan-White/#!/Obituary

This is one of the comments his father, Stewart A. White posted in the mortuary blog:
Quote:

To those of you who have sent you love, hugs, kisses and good intentions, we are grateful. No parent should outlive a child.

Karen and I spent the night in a hotel last night. It was too much for us to sleep a few feet from where Bryan died. We keep trying to wake up from this terrible nightmare.

The good news is, my beloved son Bryan died a man of faith. He loved the Lord and spent several hours in prayer with his mother a few days before his death. He could be such a prayer warrior.

On Bryan's last night he was a happy young man. He cooked dinner for us, he was smiling and upbeat talking about his future. Within a few short hours he was gone. His life taken too soon.

Parents, love your children. Hold then close, Let them feel loved and appreciated. Spend each day as if it is the last. Tell them you love them. Show them you love them. Just love them.


I thought I would append this to his own thread and let his words speak for themselves.

LAD, you are deeply missed.

LAD, I'm sorry we didn't get more of the "problems" ironed out.

Puffer



Edited by pufferfish (06/01/13 08:20 PM)

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#436502 - 06/01/13 07:51 PM Re: Dissociative amnesia and hypnotherapy [Re: Life's A Dream]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1362
Loc: California
Oh, god!!

My heart just broke and I'm crying. I'm speechless.


_________________________
It's a heroes journey, and you are the hero.

-- I must remind myself that sugar is my enemy. I can't control my sugar consumption and sugar makes me mentally unstable. I'm reminding myself (because I forgot again).

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#436503 - 06/01/13 08:02 PM Re: Dissociative amnesia and hypnotherapy [Re: pufferfish]
BraveFalcon Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 1043
Loc: The ATL

Oh my god! I am in shock. Please say this isn't true. I just PMed Bryan a few hours ago because I was concerned that I hadn't seen him in a while. How could this have happened? I can't believe this. Bryan, why? I cared about you. I reached out to you so many times. I was here for you. Why? I have to go. I have to go somewhere else and sit down. The shock is to much right now. I'm sorry. I love you guys.

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#436504 - 06/01/13 08:28 PM Re: Dissociative amnesia and hypnotherapy [Re: Life's A Dream]
trytry Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/13
Posts: 33
Loc: Wisconsin
omg...I can't even think of what to say at the moment... you'll be missed...


Is there a thread of his own for this yet?

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#436507 - 06/01/13 08:52 PM Re: Dissociative amnesia and hypnotherapy [Re: Life's A Dream]
txb Offline


Registered: 02/03/13
Posts: 159
I was so worried something had happened to him...

You were so nice to me. I wish I could have done something. I can't believe this happened... I will miss you.

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