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#43187 - 06/17/06 11:57 PM Innocence
RICK57 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
Loc: ENGLAND
Innocence - does anyone remember that? How it felt?

_________________________
*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!

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#43188 - 06/18/06 01:45 AM Re: Innocence
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
I remember only having to consider such trivial things as forgetting some homework or something stupid like accidently scratching a neighbors car with my bike and normal kid stuff. Then that dreadful summer between 3rd and 4th grade came and went, then everything changed. Everything became sexualized, nothing made sense anymore, very little does to this day for me. I'm barely managing my life right now, geez.

But, yes Rick, I remember. Hell yes I remember.


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#43189 - 06/18/06 01:46 AM Re: Innocence
Ken Followell Offline
President
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 12/30/01
Posts: 990
Loc: Bradenton, FL
Abuse started when I was 2. Don't remember innocence but know how you feel.

_________________________
Ken Followell

Everything works out right in the end. If things are not working right, it isn't the end yet. Don't let it bother you, relax and keep on goin
- Michael C. Muhammad

"I get up. I walk. I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing."
� Rabbi Hillel

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#43190 - 06/18/06 02:29 AM Re: Innocence
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
I remember, Rik.

I think that innocent little boy is still inside each of us just waiting for us to come, take his hand and show him how wonderful the world can be if we are willing to see it.

I'll never forget something Leosha said to me in response to my very first post here
Quote:
So rediscover yourself, as that is a wonder you deserve
I am beginning to see what he meant. Within each of us is still that wonder and innocence. Let's help each other discover it.

Lots of love,

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#43192 - 06/18/06 08:07 PM Re: Innocence
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Rik,

Yes, I definitely remember it. I thought the world was absolutely safe, that no one would ever hurt me, and that I would always be happy and content with myself. Actually, I was so innocent I didn't think of these issues in any conscious way. I just behaved as if they were true.

This has been discussed on another thread, but I was so innocent that when the abuse began I didn't think of it as sex. It was "our secret", exactly as the abuser said, and though I was frightened and confused about everything, the abuser had told me that having an orgasm meant it was all okay - otherwise why would I like that feeling? I believe that one too, and everything else he told me.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#43193 - 06/18/06 08:13 PM Re: Innocence
RICK57 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
Loc: ENGLAND
I only ask, because even when I am low, there is always one vision that comes back to me and makes me smile.

I wasn't very old at the time, pre-school and was visiting my Mother's parents with her. They lived in one of 2 houses next to a large wood (Brancepath Forest to be exact).

My grandfather took me for a walk along with their dog, Rosie - a yappy little yorkshire Terrier.

We walked down the side of the wood and came to a fire break in between the trees.

I remember my Grandfather saying that was where we were going to walk that day.

Just as we turned into the fire break, the sun appeared at the other end just rising through the trees. The whole length of the fire break was lit up with sunbeams. The ground was absolutely covered in a carpet of shining bluebells waving in the breeze. Up both sides of the fire break, were lines of bright red and purple rhododendron bushes. Everything else was such a fresh spring green.

My eyes lit up as if I was seeing something really magical - the memory has never left me! My grandfather died just a few years after that, but he ensured a place in my memory for ever that day.

All of my grandparents and other older relatives taught us the magic of the countryside! That's why I thought all adults could be trusted, because they showed you the magic that was in the world!

It's a shame I got that bit wrong!

Best wishes ...Rik

_________________________
*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!

Top
#43194 - 06/19/06 03:12 PM Re: Innocence
Jaysen Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 680
Yes I do remember, and thanks for
bringing it up \:\)

Jay


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#43195 - 06/19/06 03:52 PM Re: Innocence
phoster Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/21/03
Posts: 758
Loc: ohio
i didnt until i did hypnosis. going back to that day, i realized how naive and innocent i really was. i got a taste of it again, so yes, i remember now.

_________________________
compassion is a light even to the darkest soul

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#43196 - 06/22/06 08:16 AM Re: Innocence
jesse7 Offline
Member

Registered: 04/26/06
Posts: 105
Loc: AZ
Like some of the others, the abuse began at age four. The shame goes as far back as I can remember.

Jesse

_________________________
What lies before us and what lies behind us is nothing compared to what lies within us

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#43197 - 06/23/06 04:16 AM Re: Innocence
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
Rik,

What a wonderful thing your Grandfather left you. Thanks for sharing that. It truly warmed my heart.

Lots of love,

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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