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#431313 - 04/15/13 10:47 AM Public Run for CSA
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1625
Last year I went to CSA Stop the Silence 8K race. I mingled and this year I decided I would be more in the front. I ran the race and met some wonderful people--supporters, survivors and for some surviving children and parents of those who at sometime in their life was subjected to CSA. One father and mother who attend regularly told me of their sorrow--their son was a victim and his life was full of troubles--the son would say he did not remember doing things or other times he would tell them he did not know what overcame him--the parents regret was they told him get over it. The father said he did and he was no longer with them. And a daughter who takes her three young children for them to remember and hopefully who her mother was. The mother suffered but the daughter regrets she did not have more understanding instead she listened to her father that her mother was weak. They treated her horribly, the mother would leave for days and be found in places that were tentative. Her mother claimed not to know where she was at those times. The family treated her horribly and the woman said she regrets how she treated her Mom who did not survive (she was lost to prescription drugs). She said her father's know it all attitude instead of seeking help for himself turned them against her. I told her parts of my past and could in many ways relate to her mother. She said, hopefully your children will begin to understand, because one day they will regret their actions toward you and live with regrets and sadness. It seems both families learned too late how fragile many victims of CSA are and the triggers that destroy their lives. Now they live with regrets and support others who have been inflicted. And there were parents and children standing with their parent or child who was a victim of CSA. Supporters with hearts of gold and compassion that seemed to be unyielding.

There were survivors like many of us who are healing and some who have made remarkable strides in recovering and giving back to the cause of CSA. And there were other survivors who were abandoned by those around them but found new hope and strength from others and their lives are on the uptick.

For me it was an inspirational day. One that gives me hope for victims/survivor and supporters.


Edited by KMCINVA (04/15/13 11:23 AM)

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#431315 - 04/15/13 11:27 AM Re: Public Run for CSA [Re: KMCINVA]
concerned_husky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 585
It's awful to hear the stories of victims having taken their own lives; I think you put it well how they (we) are fragile and in need of people who will listen, and not simply pretend to know the path forward. It is also encouraging to hear that there are survivors, and supporters of survivors out there, who are willing to run an 8k to demonstrate their support.

Kudos to you for participating and thanks for that moving post, KMCINVA.

Husky
_________________________
Husky

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#431365 - 04/15/13 09:13 PM Re: Public Run for CSA [Re: KMCINVA]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1625
thank you for the kind words. In many ways it was a catalyst in healing. I asked friends to sponsor my run and the support I received was overwhelming. I told them I was a survivor. People told me I was a wonderful person and a comment from a doctor friend wrote how "brave I was" to run and tell so many I was a survivor. Today I met with my psychiatrist and we discussed what has happened--I have begun to lift the veil of shame that I have allowed to control my life and when doing this I am releasing myself from the control of the abuser. It empowered me, but I now know that I am moving forward and if I fall back I know I can recover and move forward. Also talking to others at the race and hearing the pain of survivors and supporters I know we all suffer from the effects of CSA.

When I asked for sponsors it was through an email from the race site. Some people I did not hear from but the many I did, made me realize the world is full of good people. And those around me and for whom I did much for did not respond, as some said they one day will live with regret for turning their backs unless they begin to understand and learn about CSA but for me I will not turn my back on them.

Each step is part of the healing. I only wish it was always forward without those moments of taking a small step back.

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#431371 - 04/15/13 09:44 PM Re: Public Run for CSA [Re: KMCINVA]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3373
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Good for you, KMC!

shows a lot of strength and courage and vulnerability.

Lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#431801 - 04/19/13 09:17 PM Re: Public Run for CSA [Re: KMCINVA]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1625
Thanks. I received many responses from my request for sponsorship but today I received one that truly hit me. I had not heard from this person prior to the race but the person felt the need to reach out and said I was not alone and said I am sorry to hear about your past, I will just say that I do understand. It hit in a way, a message they too understand the pain. Someone I know but I did not know has lived a pain that I and so many live with. It seems so many have been inflicted but no one knows. The Silence Must Stop.

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#431802 - 04/19/13 09:33 PM Re: Public Run for CSA [Re: KMCINVA]
DanM Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/09/07
Posts: 540
Loc: So. California
Your friend was right, you are brave. I admire what you are doing and being so open and upfront about your abuse. Even after 45 years I have a difficult time dealing with the toxic shame. Maybe if their was someone like you talking about it, I would have sought help much sooner. You are not only improving your own life but those of countless other.

Thank you for your effort to be heard.

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#431860 - 04/20/13 01:31 PM Re: Public Run for CSA [Re: KMCINVA]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1625
Thanks Dan. I do not see myself as being braver than others. I think I was fortunate to meet some wonderful people who have made me feel safe and not ashamed of what happened. Also, awhile ago, I did something stupid. I was posting to the Penn State page dedicated to survivors and I thought it was a private post. Well it was not, it hit my page and once I realized this I was scared you know what. I was afraid to open the messages I was receiving. To my surprise they were all supportive and had such kind words. I never intended for my message to be public. But in the end I think the response from others let me realize most people are good and understanding, we just need to put those who lack understanding and compassion to the side. So through a stupid mistake I found courage from others support to move forward. Sometimes the unintended gives a reward. Thanks

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