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#431602 - 04/17/13 09:32 PM Re: my worst nightmare - almost [Re: traveler]
Suwanee Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 626
Loc: Southeast USA
Lee,

I'm so sorry this happened. Two of my down-to-the-core fears are child abuse and false accusations. It's a volatile witches' brew for sure. I'm sending all the hope I can---that your wife is given due consideration and that the truth is discovered quickly with minimal collateral damage.

Will


Edited by Suwanee (04/17/13 09:34 PM)
_________________________
You take a walk and you try to understand
Nothing can hurt you
Unless you want it to... R.E.M./Pylon "Crazy"


My Story: Cruel Summer

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#431608 - 04/17/13 10:22 PM Re: my worst nightmare - almost [Re: traveler]
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1205
I hope that when your wife is cleared of these charges, you get an opportunity to address this with her accusers as a survivor, and make it clear that the reactionary "witch hunt" hysteria grows from ignorance - and that just further jeopardizes efforts to help those truly in need.

You'll certainly have my back if you do.
_________________________



Click my pic to see why I'm here

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#431609 - 04/17/13 10:26 PM Re: my worst nightmare - almost [Re: traveler]
BraveFalcon Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 1046
Loc: The ATL
Hi Lee. This is terrible! I don't know what to say. I can think of few things in life that would be more frightening than false allegations of child abuse. Like you, I believe in doing whatever it takes to protect children but I also realize that in today's society, CSA is one of those things that once you are accused, you are essentially guilty until proven innocent. Especially in the court of public opinion.

This is going to sound like a terrible thing to say and I probably shouldn't even go here but......

If I were in you and your wife's shoes, and I were falsely accused of a crime in a foreign country , (be it CSA or anything else for that matter), and I thought I could get back to the US quickly without the possibility of being extradited back.... I would get the fuck out!!!!

"But then you look guilty", some might say.

I wouldn't give a shit. If I knew I could, I'd get the fuck out. I don't know where you are in the world, or if that's possible, or if you'd wind up being extradited back and then be in a lot more trouble. I do know that I've heard more than one horror story about falsely accused people winding up in foreign prisons though. I'm sorry for saying that and maybe it was inappropriate for me to even bring it up but I felt it had to be said. Sorry.

You and your wife are in my thoughts. I'm wishing you the best and keeping my fingers tightly crossed for you both. Good luck. Take care. Peace,

Ken.

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#431662 - 04/18/13 11:57 AM Re: my worst nightmare - almost [Re: traveler]
traveler Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3204
Loc: back in the USA
why is it - ?
i can steel myself against harsh treatment and endure it without flinching.
but unexpected kindness dissolves me into a teary, sob-choked invertebrate.
it is so good to have you all with me.
Lee
_________________________
We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9

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#431670 - 04/18/13 01:06 PM Re: my worst nightmare - almost [Re: traveler]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3566
Loc: South-East Europe
Hang on Lee,
you and your wife are not alone, you have many friends here and I'm sure we will have you in our thoughts and prays.
Please let us know for updates, I'm sure everything will be alright.

Pero
_________________________
My story

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#431671 - 04/18/13 02:03 PM Re: my worst nightmare - almost [Re: traveler]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
Dammit Lee. I am speechless. I'm furious at the accusation and the manner in which this is being "handled". Ex post facto, I don't know what legal options you have but, as others have mentioned, I hope you pony up. If anything, I'm glad that you, of all people, are the one to be there for your wife.

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#431672 - 04/18/13 02:13 PM Re: my worst nightmare - almost [Re: traveler]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1434
Lee

I am sorry to hear of your troubles. How horrific to live through this after you as a child had to live through CSA. I can only imagine the horror your wife is experiencing but she has you there for support. Hopefully the investigation is quick so you and your wife can move on. It is sad, false accusations can ruin a life. Thoughts are with you and your wife for a speedy resolution.

Kevin

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#431696 - 04/18/13 09:08 PM Re: my worst nightmare - almost [Re: traveler]
genedebs Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/09/12
Posts: 262
Loc: MO
Dear Traveler,

I am certain that your wife has been falsely accused. She was violated when the accusation was made public. I would agree with Brave Falcon, but then I am paranoid.

When I was 20, I was running tutorial program with 300 kids. I was accused of molesting two children, by two girls who were receiving tutoring. After the police investigation, the children recanted. The police told me they were angry because they lost their tutor, and wanted to hurt me for not preventing that.

My daughter was molested when she was in high school. She attended a christian camp for a week and on the bus, on the way home, her counselor, who was also a teacher and coach at her high school. She did not want her experience made public. I made her talk to the schools' lawyer, who concluded it was her word against his. But then, at least, he was moved to another school.

I could not do more without exposing my daughter to more publicity. Which she did not want. I still feel guilty 20 years later of caring more for my daughter than the other kids who would be molested.

I really wish this was as bad as my story gets, but it was two of the bigger shit storms I have had to live through.

I hope you find this a demonstration that we live through it. Not just an opportunity to tell you my troubles.

May the Lord Bless you and keep you - and your wife.

We all have different stories but we all are the same.

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#431700 - 04/18/13 09:37 PM Re: my worst nightmare - almost [Re: traveler]
traveler Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3204
Loc: back in the USA
thank you all for your support and kind words and advice and even the outrage on our behalf.

my wife is the epitome of an extrovert. she has lots of friends and they have been rallying around. that is very encouraging. we have heard several say that they are sending unsolicited letters of support to the investigative team - some are fellow teachers. some are parents of present and past students. some are community members who are objective observers. that is helping.

I - on the the other hand - am an extreme introvert - not to mention being distrustful and paranoid! I don't really have friends here. and most of those who are acquaintances don't seem to realize how devastating this is to me, too. a couple have included me in their good wishes for a just outcome. but I have you all. I read and re-read your messages and it helps so much.

a few points to clarify:

she was not accused of CSA but of something that could be construed as physical or emotional abuse. that is all we know at the moment. it was worded that there have been "several concerns" - so we do not know if several people accused her or if one accused her of several instances. it is maddening to be kept in the dark.

the case has not been reported to the government or law enforcement (so she is not in danger in that respect) - but to the admin of this independent school - and to our organization that contracts to supply teachers to it. so the investigation is all "internal" - with a rep from our org, one from the school - and an outsider to provide objectivity. our first impulse was for both of us to resign and leave immediately - but we are hopeful of a positive and truthful and just resolution - to have her vindicated and her name and reputation cleared and restored. and we already have purchased tickets and made hotel reservations for a pretty lengthy and intricate trip - to travel back to the U.S. after the school year is ended - visiting friends and seeing sights in several countries.

so I keep on going to school and teaching my kids. we have an art show coming up and a play to rehearse and perform - as well as important university entrance qualifying exams nearly upon us. it is hard to carry on but it is not their fault and they shouldn't suffer and I can't let them down.

thanks again,
Lee
_________________________
We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9

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#431709 - 04/18/13 11:14 PM Re: my worst nightmare - almost [Re: traveler]
BraveFalcon Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 1046
Loc: The ATL

Hi Lee. Thanks for the clarification. You and your wife are braver than I am. Good luck. Peace,

Ken

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