wow. reading that finally released the tears i've been holding back. you hit the nail on the head, right square in the middle. WOW.
i wish, no, i will learn how to have compassion for myself.
i hope the same for you.
this is great work trytry. GREAT work. you know you deserved better and you recognize you wanted it. it hurts. i am right where you are. it's so very difficult to grieve that, to grieve the loss of a childhood. i'm tearing up again thinking about the loss of mine.
i believe happiness is elusive, but attainable. only if you want it. and if you want it, you can genuinely have it.
May your past be the sound of your feet upon the ground, carry on. ~Fun.