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#431533 - 04/17/13 05:18 AM Why Are Survivors Like This?
lukedamien Offline


Registered: 04/05/13
Posts: 68
Why do us survivors see other people's problems so easy.and we can encourage them and tell them the real deal. And how they could do something positive to love and care for themselves.

But when it comes to ourselves we don't apply it. We self-destruct and don't care how we are sometimes treated by others? How about those around us who loves us and don't want to see us hurting or allowing others to hurt us cause we have no self esteem and think we deserve to be treated bad?

Just a random thought I'm asking here.

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#431547 - 04/17/13 07:20 AM Re: Why Are Survivors Like This? [Re: lukedamien]
LazyPirate Offline


Registered: 01/03/13
Posts: 106
Loc: Ontario
That is a fantastic thought! It is soooooo true! I send so much time self destructing & loathing my own self. But I feel like I can spot a fellow tortured soul at 100 yards. I care so deeply for others. Strangers. I meet a person & sometimes feel like I've always known them. I feel like I love them. I become so protective, so caring for another...

But I rarely care for me, much, if any.
_________________________
The Bluebird of Happiness long absent from his life, Ned is visited by the Chicken of Depression. - Gary Larson

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#431549 - 04/17/13 08:05 AM Re: Why Are Survivors Like This? [Re: lukedamien]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3321
Loc: somewhere in Africa
we treat others the way we would want to be treated. we can identify their pain and empathize and even project our pain onto them and try to help them.

but we have believed the lies - spoken or unspoken - that have been impressed upon us by others - both abusers and those who did not do anything to prevent or stop the abuse or did nothing to comfort us or get us help to repair the damage. so we think we are not worth being treated well by others or caring for ourselves.

i have often learned to be kinder to myself by seeing how i treat other survivors here. then i think - hey, i am just like them. maybe i deserve the same concern i have shown them.

that is one thing i really appreciate about being able to read and respond to others' posts.
lee


Edited by traveler (04/17/13 08:48 AM)
_________________________
We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9

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#431551 - 04/17/13 08:44 AM Re: Why Are Survivors Like This? [Re: lukedamien]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
I think you just nailed the definition of empathy, lee.

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#431598 - 04/17/13 09:05 PM " [Re: lukedamien]
lbcali1978 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/12
Posts: 217
"


Edited by lbcali1978 (04/29/13 12:22 AM)
_________________________
They said

Come home

I said

I'm confused and alone

They said

We understand

I found out they don't

I'll walk the path exactly how I've always done it

Alone

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#431614 - 04/17/13 10:53 PM Re: Why Are Survivors Like This? [Re: lukedamien]
BraveFalcon Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 1092
Loc: The ATL

Hi Luke. You know, I think this problem is fairly common among people in general and not just CSA survivors. People are very bad at taking their own advise, and I am certainly no exception. The difference is, CSA survivors and others who've been through extreme emotional trauma tend to know themselves better than most. We've learned to self-evaluate and examine our own motives and behaviors because we've had to just to survive life and stay sane. When we try to give others supportive advise, then can't implement that advise in our own lives, we realize we're doing it, whereas others may not. Also, when the person giving supportive advise to a hurting person is a CSA survivor, they are more likely to have insight that can be applied to their own life in the first place, whereas a non-survivor and/or person who hasn't had a lot of emotional trauma in their life probably doesn't. I know that probably doesn't help much but I hope it at least makes sense. Sorry if it doesn't. Peace,

Ken

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#431629 - 04/18/13 01:33 AM Re: Why Are Survivors Like This? [Re: lukedamien]
DavoSwim Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/06/13
Posts: 315
Loc: Iowa, USA
Ken,

That's a damn good explanation for why we won't take our own advice. I didn't realize a lot of that stuff before now. Thanks

DavO

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#431644 - 04/18/13 07:34 AM Re: Why Are Survivors Like This? [Re: lukedamien]
pittsburgh Offline


Registered: 05/26/11
Posts: 87
Loc: west Chester, Pa
Great question, I feel it does center around the self esteem and how we view ourselfs. I well remember the total feeling of just being empty of feelings devoid of and pride self worth. I took many years and a wonderful women to start to see myself differant. I was very luckly to have her support, this after she found me more dead than alive. I was convinced I had no purpose in this world. I think it all centers around how we were used and in my case beaten. We just did not have the ware with all to deal with it. As the twig is bent, so grows the tree.
_________________________
it is and has been quite a trip thru life, as last I feel that I am in a better place, it takes work and in my case a wife the was and is forgiveing and helpful. At last a relationship has gone right, messed up three.

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