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#43145 - 06/05/01 10:45 PM Re: Hard to show love
T22 Offline
Member

Registered: 01/23/01
Posts: 7
Loc: springfield, OH
Hey, Silentnomore, my wife thinks the same thing, I'm sure, that showing affection is my biggest problem. I'd give anything for her to know that it's nothing personal, it's just the way I am wired because of the things that have happend to me. Even if I hadn't been abused and associate affection with being molested, I still might not have been a huggy kind of guy or a physical, romantic kind of guy. We'll never know. I agree that it's over rated, especially in the movies. It kind of makes me mad when I see a guy pouring himself all over a woman, because they make it shown as something natural and easy. It's not for me. Let's keep in touch.


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#43146 - 06/07/01 11:22 AM Re: Hard to show love
thunderbolt Offline
Member

Registered: 04/21/01
Posts: 119
Loc: mi
i told my wife some of my rules, i said if she is support then act like it, fuck how many times do i just do as im told around the house, shit she could give me this, after 20 yrs take it or fucking leave it, shit dam hell, you dont want this you dont want that, im not what you expect hell your not what i expect, she told me her rules and we work togather on both, i dont know if shes realy that glad but you know shes a fucking hand full,


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#43147 - 09/04/01 04:34 AM Re: Hard to show love
Anonymous
Unregistered


I was looking for old posts for something and saw this one, it relates to some of the stuff we were talking about the past couple days. OK, so you;re not touchy feely, but there are ways you can show you love your wife without cuddles and hug and whatever. You use to do that stuff probably when you started dating, you know how to do it. Write her a note or a poem, buy her something, suprise her with something. I know we all get caught up in our problems and we have some BIG problems, I know, but that doesn;t give us the right to ignore our loved ones and pretend their needs don;t count. And if you do something nice for your wif once i a while it;ll make you feel better about yourself. Trust me. Try to see yourself through her eyes. there;s a reason she married you. Giveing her a little something in return won;t kill you. Try it.


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#43148 - 09/04/01 11:00 AM Re: Hard to show love
thunderbolt Offline
Member

Registered: 04/21/01
Posts: 119
Loc: mi
ya she married the wild boy and boy is she going to change him, let see alcoholic, drug addic, sex addic, rage aholic, emotionless, soulless, uncoth, dejected, thoughtless, lets just go to wild dog , and dont forget bent for hell in one bound, what did she see in me, oh that cool person who had it all to gather ya thats the one, the fake, and she has to settle for this,dis-function...
wineing and dinning that will fix it...
and ill keep takeing the pills for the day and hope i never sleep again, shell be real happy, through these posts i dont see the future turning out to dam good.....
ive only been married once and some times thats a bitch, this recovery stuff has to work, i dont see anything else, some times i confuse asking for help with pity, the game should have ended when i found out i got fucked......


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#43149 - 09/05/01 03:40 AM Re: Hard to show love
T22 Offline
Member

Registered: 01/23/01
Posts: 7
Loc: springfield, OH
Hey, Big Bear, what you're saying is cool, however, after 17 years one would hope that your relationship would change and grow and mature, right? Surely you wouldn't want your marriage to always look like you're in the dating stage. Here's what I hear you saying... let's say someone is crippled. And then you say to them, "Go ahead walk, it would hurt you". The person you're speaking this too is thinking, "Man, I'd give anything to be able to walk". maybe through therapy, time, and a lot of hard work the guy might walk. Please don't make it sound like the guy doesn't want to walk. Please don't make it sound like I don't want to give and receive love. I'd give anything to be that guy that my wife needs. I can't be that guy. I need someone to love me and accept me the way I am, and she needs someone to be able to love her and give her what she needs. I can't love her the way she needs love, and she can't be the person to not be loved the way she needs it. So, there's two really messed up people. Two people who love each other but are trapped in what they can and can't do. If I were to use your reasoning on her it would sound like this, "Just love him anyway, I know he really loves you, he just can't show it the way you need it. He's just a little abused boy trapped in this man body and is hiding... love him anyway and put up with a life of little affection. It won't hurt". Let me know what you think.


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#43150 - 09/05/01 03:44 AM Re: Hard to show love
T22 Offline
Member

Registered: 01/23/01
Posts: 7
Loc: springfield, OH
big bear, what state do you live in?


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#43151 - 09/05/01 04:12 AM Re: Hard to show love
Anonymous
Unregistered


I can only speak from my own experience. There were things I could never do for my wife but all along I knew there were other little things I could of done. That would of been better then nothing. There were little things I did for other people but not for my wife. Why did I treat her worse then I treated other people? It;s not like I ever forgot her birthday or anniversery but still there were other things I could of done for her all along, little things. I gave more courtisies to other peopole then I did to my wife, the person I love most.

I live outside Manchester New Hampshire. I still feel real protective of my kids even though their teenagers so I never put my home here before. I talked myself through though and said that nobody;s gonna track my kids down just because they know what state I live in. I was thinking about that for awhile, this was a big step but it feels ok.


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