Can pretty much relate to your entire post. I am the same age, abused by my grandfather, around the same time period in my life, and have similar issues with my wife and sex. There is a lot of good information to read here, if nothing else than just to confirm that you are not alone in this, and that there are many people that are dealing with the same issues. The issues with sex or rather the lack of wanting it have become one of the biggest issues for my wife and I. For me it is very hard to explain what I feel when it comes to sex and why I don't think of it the same way she does. I envy her sexuality and freedom, and wish I could be the same, but that part of recovery for me has been very long and the needle has not really moved a whole lot. I will say that therapy both individual and couples has started to open me up to better understanding sex and desires and has started to crack open that vault that I have kept to myself for so long. I still have a long way to go, but with my willingness to finally talk about it and the support we both get from therapy, I now feel that I will get there (if at my own pace). Keep working at it and you will start seeing changes as well. The hardest part was talking about it, and you are already making great progress there.