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#431135 - 04/13/13 05:02 PM False starts
LazyPirate Offline

Registered: 01/03/13
Posts: 106
Loc: Ontario
a) I was to start with a new T on Thursday, but the worst happened & I couldn't control it... I had a huge panic attack & didn't go. I called & said that my truck broke down. I felt like shit for doing it. It was so dishonest, but that didn't make any difference. I couldn't bring myself to complete the drive there. I pulled into a Canadian Tire, made the call, went & got a hot dog at the chip truck in the parking lot & sat there for about an hour trying to get myself to go anyway... Though I knew it would be too late. I haven't re-scheduled yet. Will call next week.

#2 - I have been going to a mental hospital to try to get into this drug trial. I've been there now 4 times talking to the study c/o. She is so sweet & nice. Anyhow, I finally got to the point where the drug company that commissioned the study wanted to talk to me. So I spoke to a Psychiatrist of theirs over the phone, from the hospital. After a hour on the phone with the guy he reports that I'm not suitable for the study. I am very disappointed that this didn't work out, because I wanted to help others & possibly myself. I was trying to figure out why I wasn't suitable last night & it hit me. He asked if I had ever seen a ghost! I had answered honestly & said yes. So I Googled it & sure enough some psychiatrists think that if you see ghosts you must have schizophrenia!
...........................Maybe I do. Honestly I don't think that the subject had ever come up in T before.

That's my past couple of days.
The Bluebird of Happiness long absent from his life, Ned is visited by the Chicken of Depression. - Gary Larson

#431165 - 04/13/13 10:10 PM Re: False starts [Re: LazyPirate]
Candu Offline

Registered: 06/30/12
Posts: 312
Loc: Canada
I'm sorry that #2 didn't work out for you but I wouldn't worry too much on a). Just make sure you re-schedule and then go. Nothing really happens on the first meeting anyway. It will be OK.

#431180 - 04/13/13 11:31 PM Re: False starts [Re: LazyPirate]
Jude Offline

Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1633
Loc: New England

Don't be too hard on your self. Hell, I spent 10 years in therapy NOT talking about it. Putting your appointment off for a week to get yourself composed is just a bump in the road. Just keep moving forward till you get there.

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Sarah McLachlan

#431195 - 04/14/13 01:30 AM Re: False starts [Re: LazyPirate]
peroperic2009 Offline

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3720
Loc: South-East Europe
Hang on Pirate,
I'm sorry that you have had panic attack before your appointment. I'm prying so it will not happen again.
Hey man don't trust to everything that you are reading on Google, I tried to search for it and seen some other medical explanation that have nothing to do with schizophrenia, so there are different answers and neither one have to be true smile
Keep fighting!


My story

#431208 - 04/14/13 02:51 AM Re: False starts [Re: LazyPirate]
Metolius Offline

Registered: 02/09/12
Posts: 41
Loc: Oregon
Hi Pirate:

Hang in there. If your new T is going to be the right T for you, you can call up, tell the truth you had a panic attack, and ask to reschedule. Your T should be able to help you figure out how to deal with the fear and panic about showing up.

#431344 - 04/15/13 06:23 PM Re: False starts [Re: LazyPirate]
LazyPirate Offline

Registered: 01/03/13
Posts: 106
Loc: Ontario
Thanks all!!! Very much the reassurance I needed. I'm going to get it re-scheduled tomorrow.
The Bluebird of Happiness long absent from his life, Ned is visited by the Chicken of Depression. - Gary Larson

#431347 - 04/15/13 06:33 PM Re: False starts [Re: LazyPirate]
bodyguard8367 Offline

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""

Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/26/14 10:56 PM)

#431377 - 04/15/13 10:57 PM Re: False starts [Re: LazyPirate]
csasurvivor1992 Offline

Registered: 03/25/13
Posts: 132
Loc: Texas
Pirate, so sorry you felt that way today. you certainly deserve to feel much better about yourself. and be easy with yourself, you definitely deserve that. this coming from a guy who spent two straight days in bed with abdominal pain because i didn't know how to let go of or deal with the pain. two straight work days... i have checked out from life before, too. sometimes, that's the best we can do. and that's okay.

good luck on the resched. and as was said before, if this isn't the T for you, that's okay too. just be kind to yourself, YOU DESERVE IT!
May your past be the sound of your feet upon the ground, carry on. ~Fun.


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