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#431191 - 04/14/13 01:18 AM why did my "little guy" receive...
ThisMan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/22/13
Posts: 767
Loc: upper south
... caused by remembrance...

Children do not ask for sex. Period. So why did my "little guy" receive so much attention while growing up? (...for almost a decade and a half. ) I am starting to blame him again, to blame his behavior, his mannerisms, his looks, or whatever I can pull down... especially as he came into the teenage years and the guy twice his age came into his life. Help me out here, if you can.
_________________________
For now we see through a glass, darkly.



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#431198 - 04/14/13 01:46 AM Re: why did my "little guy" receive... [Re: ThisMan]
Jacob S Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/01/13
Posts: 594
Not his fault. Kids who are abused end up having multiple abusers. Why? I don't know. I have my own theories. But its not his fault. I think there is a look to the face, a desperation for validation. But these are not his fault . . . not your fault . . . anymore than if he/you had been forced to get a tattoo on the face. Your little guy survived. He was dealt a hand no kid should have to play and he made it through to the other side still breathing. He deserves a lot of praise for that. He is strong and he is brave. He didn't ask for what happened. Monsters can smell hurt, but that doesn't make it the kid's fault for being hurt. He was a wounded soldier but he didn't give up or else you wouldn't be here now. Being so wounded but still being alive proves how special and strong he is. So congratulations to him and congratulations to you and never doubt that what he did was what he had to do. I give him a round of applause.
_________________________
Like a spent gladiator
crawling in the colosseum dust
who can count on his remaining limbs
all the people he can trust.
Like the one who stands behind him
cheering him on
Estatic when he stands defiant,
wild with abandon when he's gone

just stay alive.
do whatever you need to.
you are worth it.

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#431210 - 04/14/13 03:27 AM Re: why did my "little guy" receive... [Re: ThisMan]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1510
Loc: New England
Originally Posted By: ThisMan
I am starting to blame him again, to blame his behavior, his mannerisms, his looks, or whatever I can pull down...

I can relate so well to the self-blame, guilt, shame, and self-hatred. In my case I was groomed with drugs and alcohol and felt like I prostituted myself for them. But the truth is he used my weakness for getting high to gain my trust and eventually exploit me sexually. The truth is I was just a kid, and it wasn't my fault.

I had to hear that about 500 times before I really started to believe it. Try repeating it out loud every day. The change will come.

Jude
_________________________
I went back to the doctor
To get another shrink.
I sit and tell him about my weekend,
But he never betrays what he thinks.
Can you see the real me, doctor?.
The Who

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#431241 - 04/14/13 02:17 PM Re: why did my "little guy" receive... [Re: ThisMan]
ThisMan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/22/13
Posts: 767
Loc: upper south
I know what you say is true as the grown-up big guy. But dammit, the little guy forgets and then the doubt creeps back. Thanks, Jacob, for the reminder to never doubt... even though I did. And Jude, self-talk... I will do it, guy. Thx.
_________________________
For now we see through a glass, darkly.



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#431247 - 04/14/13 04:34 PM Re: why did my "little guy" receive... [Re: ThisMan]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1401
Loc: California
I'm starting to believe that we were singled out by predators because they saw that we needed love and attention.

Whether that means we were neglected by our guardians, or not, may be beside the point. I think the predators saw this need in us and manipulated us into their control, setting up a twisted abusive relationship.
_________________________
It's a heroes journey, and you are the hero.

Loving Kindness Meditation will dramatically improve your spirits; give it a try for just 3 days: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sz7cpV7ERsM

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#431255 - 04/14/13 05:53 PM Re: why did my "little guy" receive... [Re: ThisMan]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
I'm firmly with Magellan, Jude and Jacob on this. I like, too, you refer to your "little guy" (like I refer to Little Lancer).

First thing I'll reiterate is that it wasn't Little Guy's fault (caps on purpose). Period. Kids - even teenagers for all their bravado (born out of insecurity) - are complete innocents. They don't have a clue. Nor should they, imo.

Second, I don't know if you have pix of Little Guy around, but pix of Little Lancer have really helped me focus on who I was at the time...and, yes, have helped me talk to him for I know him, his thots and feelings better than anyone ever did or ever will.

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