I never met my biological father. I don't know who he is. If my mom's family know, they have never told me.
?-13 years old
I don't know if I was ten or eleven when my step-dad came into me and my mom's life. But he just disappeared when I was thirteen. My mom held hold to this man because he had a very good paying job. And he was making good money dealing drugs. The only price he required from my mom to benefit from his financial successes was me. Any day or night where he could use his weapons of choice. Objects to hit, his mouth to insult and put me down, or his dick to sexually get off. When I was thirteen he just left and nobody knew where he went. I didn't care. My mom blamed me for him leaving, I didn't care about that either. I was just glad he was gone.
I already gave the things about my mom in the Introductions and Male Survivor Forums. But I just want to say that I loved her. I just will never forgive her for not admitting that she allowed me to be abused like that. Not really in a mood to talk too much about her. Maybe if I post another story on here I will talk more about her.
?-10 years old
I suppose I was ten years old. Maybe nine. It was the day of my fifth grade assembly. I won two awards and I was excited. My mom didn't bother to come to the assembly, but I couldn't wait to get home to show them to her. I was held longer after the assembly cause my friend's parents were so proud of my awards and they took me with them to eat ice cream. My one friend, Mike, his mom asked me where my mom was. Her and my mom went to the same Church. I lied and said something held her back from coming to the assembly of my last day of fifth grade. But I don't remember what I said. After the ice cream they dropped me home. I was so excited about the awards and showed them to my mom. She torn them up. She was angry cause I was late. There was a drug dealer or user, not sure which; who was getting impatient about me getting there. I always ruined everything, she said. He gave her some drugs and was going to take me to her room. I was screaming that it hurts and I didn't want to go. I tried to hold on to her. But she kicked me and the man dragged me away. I don't remember what happened after that. But I'm so sure that wasn't the first time I was sold off to men for drugs from my mom. I just don't remember anything before that day. I think I only remembered that incident because I got two awards at school. One was for perfect attendance. Not sure what the other was for anymore.
?-13 years old
Not sure exactly when my step-dad entered my life. But he was very demanding of me. He only argued with my mom over me. I'm sure he was determined neither my mom or me would ever report him. My mom held to him for the money. I was to do everything he wanted. I was to never deny him anything. My whole body, soul, and spirit was his. My mom told me that every time he complained that I wasn't doing right. Not going into details about him at all. Everything and every time he abused me I remember it all. It still hurts to think about it. He was a monster to the power of infinity. But one thing is true about that dude. As horrible as his abuse was. It wasn't that often. Mostly he was really kind to me. I think he was abusive either because he was mentally ill. Or just for good measure to keep me from reporting him. Also around this space of time I was starting puberty and started using my body to manipulative older men to get what I wanted. In Junior High School, my least favorite subject was math. A teacher became my pawn to get a A. That is all I'm saying about that. But it was only one time. Around this time I also started drinking and using drugs too. Ashamed of all of it but it's true, no need to lie about anything.
13-15 years old
This was around the time I discovered street and park whoring for males. What I found was that these dudes were not out to wound me. They wanted to pleasure me and make me feel good all the while paying me and buying me things. I felt like I died and went to heaven. I craved the affections these dudes gave me. It wasn't cheap thrills so my mom could get high or whatever the fuck she wanted. It was my choice to go in the car or bathroom and do it. I enjoyed that liberation to do what I wanted. I also made decent money too. I began enjoying the independence to so I started to become angry with my mom for the forced rapes. One night after a dude raped me, I pulled my clothes down and showed my mom the evidence. I don't know why I even imagined she didn't know exactly what those dudes did, but I imagined it. She looked at it, which in itself was a shame and humiliation, that I'd never find words to describe. She just closed her eyes and started to sing. I was so hurt and pissed off. After that I always argued with her, and started to slam things around and really scare her. She kicked me out cause I was supposed to be out-of-control. Really, yes, I admit, I was very angry. But, I was really in control. I choose the fact that I didn't want to get raped anymore so she could get high. I think some dudes and chicks think that just because they fuck and produce a child, they have a right to do whatever the fuck they want to do with them; just because the Bible said Honor them. I told her that once, she slapped me. I slapped her back so hard she fell back and her head hit the wall. I was so pissed. I told her I wasn't a fucking child anymore, I told her I wasn't gonna let those dudes fuck me anymore, and I told her if she ever hit me again... I'll leave it at that. In my defense though, she constantly told me, I brought you in this world and I can take you out of it. She kicked me out. I stayed with a John for a week. But his boyfriend was jealous of me and said he'd call CPS to come get me so I left and went to my mom's sister and her husbands house. They took me in. My Aunt always asked why I was disrespectful to mom and why I was so unmanageable. I finally broke down and told her everything. I finally thought she'd love me and help me and deal with her sister to stop the drugs and love me like a real mother. But she whipped me. She told me I had demons in me. The family got together and tried to exercise demons out of me that weren't there anyways. I was sent to a Christian Camp and was kicked out after being caught having anal sex. The family was embarrassed cause every member of my mom's family go to that Church that sponsored it. I was then mocked about it and laughed at. Nobody believed me. So I stopped talking about it. I stayed away from home alot.
16-17 years old
My mom was very good at hiding her alcohol and drug additions from the Church and family. But when she died of a drug overdose when I was sixteen years old, there was no more hiding. The body had needle evidence, and the toxicology report confirmed it all. I wasn't glad she died, still not glad. I just wanted her love and never really got it. My Aunt and her husband moved into my mom's house and basically became my legal guardian. To me I divorced them a long time ago. But one day I was cooking breakfast
(copied-pasted from a pm with this dude on here. Also saves some typing)
They pretty much just resided in my world as guardians. But I hated them for not believing me. I blamed them for my mom's death too. They acted like they really cared after she died. They wanted me to get therapy. Like I was crazy or something. They had no idea my mom did drugs. The tox report proved at least I told the truth about the drugs. My Aunt was depressed a few months after the reality of the situation hit her. I was in the kitchen cooking breakfast for myself, I was (six)teen then. My Aunt came in the kitchen and just like that said she'd get me therapy. Like I was crazy or something and needed a fucking shrink. I was so mad. I told her I wasn't fucking crazy. She was like. I know it's just if all you said happened. I didn't let her finish. I was so fucking hurt and angry. First, I took the time through tears and pain to tell her some ugly hideous things. Then she beat me up for it. They treated me like a dude with demons lying. Sent me away. Then they mocked me. Then her sister died of an overdose and she said IF
I told her off. I don't remember exactly what I said.sorry. but I was on the floor bawling like a baby after it. She held me for a while. But I never trusted her since that day. Our relationship was strained. She treated me like I was crazy and then she thought I was gonna love and trust her. Fuck that. They were only good enough to provide food and clothes and college money. I divorced them in my heart.
...She acts like fragile china. Like I'm hurting her for hating her.
Which is true. Sometimes she calls me and acts all butt-hurt that I don't want to be involved in any "family" functions especially around the holidays. I told her this past Christmas that she didn't love me. What fifteen year old boy will break down crying saying all the horrible things I said and what person who has a speck of love for that boy would doubt it. Especially whip the dude. I told her to fuck off. I'll never forgive it. Never.
Many things happen. But this is all I'm sharing for now.