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#431112 - 04/13/13 12:42 PM yeah...bore
Sterling Offline


Registered: 10/25/08
Posts: 280
Loc: Winnipeg, Manitoba,Canada
i feel not nice. my friend doesnt want to do things
i dont know who to talk to when a person just talks of same
stuff over and over.
i shouldn't care, i could be selfish, i dont want to live here
and i have no money.
maybe i dont know how to be nice, listen to my friend and
not take it personal that he doesnt want to get help and
i am not good! He will ask " i hope i am not talking too much"... and i respond " no,no"... but really i am jealous
b/c i need someone to talk to and he doesnt want to hear
stuff about what i am going thru. It is he doesnt want to
be or obligated to do stuff either for his mum and dad
( i think he was abused alot too but knocks it out of his brain
kinda.) and he will go in circles with what he has planned
for the next two days. Okay i am not a good guy. If i had
one of you guys here; better ..mm i definatley would feel
i could share w/o holding back.
anyway i get very s/ nervous some feelings of uncomfortness.
i go to a bar and everyone is has alcohol in them and when
i make small talk w/ a guy ..i imagine being invited to their
table..and ( in reality i am not) then picture myself sitting
and i wonder ' how will i talk ? what can i say? am i gone?
everyone has their own tunes / special stuff. I am more
aware that perhaps maybe there is a reason for everything.
I am not 100% sure; my therapist believes so. But now
i know that flirting with people ..in me i have to stop b/c
i never follow thru. And i complimented a guy at the bar
last week and ( he comes alone) when my friend went to go play
slots i thought quickly to ask this guy if he would like
company ; i actually thought ' maybe i want some romance here
w/ this guy. When i seen he was socializing w/ others i was
disappointed but i am ONLY assuming the way he came to me
near the end of the night i think i had my opportunity
( it is just a hunch) when i shook his hand and gave him a
friendly smile and said " have a good night , take care and
see you next week". It feels good in some ways , but i
felt nautious and i am sick of being like this!
There is another example but i already talked to a group about
it. I love you guys for all your help.
and thanks a bunchly!
Goran


Edited by Sterling (04/13/13 12:43 PM)

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#431189 - 04/14/13 01:10 AM Re: yeah...bore [Re: Sterling]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3614
Loc: South-East Europe
Hey Goran, good to see you man wink
I'm sorry to hear that you can't bring all that you would like to talk with your friend. Such is life sometimes. There are different kind of people and not all of them are open enough. Same goes with families. I tried to talk with my father about wanting to be educated in therapy and I tried to bring his attention so I could tell him that I'm in therapy actually but he didn't make any reaction. I felt like I talked with wall and decided to left it for now.
Sometimes I'm expecting too much from people around me including friends and some family members, but if I didn't try I wouldn't now how far I can go. So I have just couple of persons (maybe two) with whom I could talk about issues that we are discussing here openly.
I'm happy to hear that you are trying to find new friends and talk about such experiences with us here and group that you mentioned in your post.
I have many problems with approaching new people and sometimes I'm not able to make first step (actually many times I'm not able to do that). It is huge thing for me if I speak with someone new. Many survivors are feeling such isolation and it long lasting scar of past.
We are here to talk about it, to share our experiences and to try to break it.
You are doing great by speaking about it, you are not alone wink!
Sending my hugs!

(((Goran)))
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#431253 - 04/14/13 05:39 PM Re: yeah...bore [Re: peroperic2009]
Sterling Offline


Registered: 10/25/08
Posts: 280
Loc: Winnipeg, Manitoba,Canada
Thanks Pero - it means alot.
I went to a gamblers anonymous meeting last night.
What was so amazing is we went for a full two hours. We kept
going in circles discussing different issues. I LOVED IT!
What a wonderful feeling to get alot off my chest!
It was great. Here's to hoping you and everyone having a
lighter and enjoyable spring. smile

Goran

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#431396 - 04/16/13 02:49 AM Re: yeah...bore [Re: Sterling]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3614
Loc: South-East Europe
Wow, that is great Goran!
I'm happy to hear that you were part of that group and that you discussed your issues and problems openly.
That is nice progress wink
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