Newest Members
andrewmartin, Aurigny, Luther, LuckyCharm, Jennifer Lyons
12251 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
Beyond Abuse (51), dona (55), JoMiFa (35), norbrill1 (62), RubyRoberts (62)
Who's Online
0 registered (), 33 Guests and 2 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12252 Members
73 Forums
63106 Topics
441314 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Topic Options
#431040 - 04/12/13 04:41 PM a little knowledge is a dangerous thing.
Jacob S Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/01/13
Posts: 586
a little knowledge is a dangerous thing. People who know nothing about abuse, I would hope, would let me talk about it at my own pace. But the people I actually know, they are all arm-chair psychologists: People who think they know more than they actually do because of an occasional TV talk show or some pop culture anecdote. There's no talking with those people, because they are already sizing you up to see if you match what they think they know.

I want to be able to talk about my past and have the abuse be a given rather than something I have to defend against, even if I can't yet explain it. I want it to just be accepted as having happened, rather than people who accuse me of being delusional or dishonest. That is a lot easier to do with strangers than family members, who may feel they have a stake in proving their version of history. But it is also an issue with strangers because it is so easy to get the wrong idea. Just as the word "bully" is over-used and mis-used, the term "child abuse" can bring up very different images to very different people. And a little knowledge is a dangerous thing. Those who have read some of the more popular accounts of extreme abuse (I'm thinking in particular of "A Child Called It") can minimize the experiences of people whose story doesn't live up to that level of dramatics.

I very much wish I could have more open conversations with people, not so much about my own experiences but how those experiences affect how I see the world and how the world affects me. But I don't know how to do that. How to put out that I am a survivor without people demanding details or (almost worse) assuming things about me they can't possibly know. Maybe there is no way to avoid that. Like I said, a little knowledge is a dangerous thing.
_________________________
Like a spent gladiator
crawling in the colosseum dust
who can count on his remaining limbs
all the people he can trust.
Like the one who stands behind him
cheering him on
Estatic when he stands defiant,
wild with abandon when he's gone

just stay alive.
do whatever you need to.
you are worth it.

Top
#431045 - 04/12/13 06:10 PM Re: a little knowledge is a dangerous thing. [Re: Jacob S]
concerned_husky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 583
hey Jacob, I think you bring up a good and interesting topic. These people with 'little knowledge'. From personal experience, I can say that they are actually deceptively but incredibly damaging. They leave you feeling empty inside, stomped on, etc. because they project what they think they know about something onto you and in the process stifle your very existence.

I hope you manage to stay away from them. Also hope you manage to find someone to talk about in terms of the effects of csa on world outlook - think it would be an interesting topic (if a slightly neglected one) to develop.

Husky
_________________________
Husky

Top
#431104 - 04/13/13 11:44 AM Re: a little knowledge is a dangerous thing. [Re: Jacob S]
BraveFalcon Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 1087
Loc: The ATL
Originally Posted By: Jacob S
Those who have read some of the more popular accounts of extreme abuse (I'm thinking in particular of "A Child Called It") can minimize the experiences of people whose story doesn't live up to that level of dramatics.


THANK YOU!!!!! It is for this very reason I won't discuss my CSA or any of the other traumatic elements of my childhood with anyone anymore. Not with ANY FUCKING ONE!!! Not even with the people in my life who I have told about it. I've had minimization and invalidation coldly slapped back in my face to many fucking times. My best friend since high school even said to me, "I'm not sure what happened to you was really that big a deal. I know it was a big deal to you but I don't think it would have been a big deal to most people." FUCKING REALLY? That's like the worst possible thing you could say to someone in a situation like mine who opens up and let's you see their pain. He's not the only person who's said some shit like that to me. So, I didn't stop being friends with him, I just stopped opening up to him. Or anyone, other than people now, on this board.

Thanks for posting this and allowing me to get that off my chest. Peace,

Ken


Edited by BraveFalcon (04/13/13 12:02 PM)

Top
#431106 - 04/13/13 11:53 AM Re: a little knowledge is a dangerous thing. [Re: Jacob S]
Poorsoft Offline


Registered: 02/20/13
Posts: 163
The ammount I have learned over the last 6 months has been astronomical. If I was this unaware, how can I aspect those who weren't abused to understand?

Our society is broken and has its priorities messed up. People think we're advanced and society has moved along, but when I read history the only thing thats changed is we have a few flashy gadgets and different clothing.

Top
#431111 - 04/13/13 12:39 PM Re: a little knowledge is a dangerous thing. [Re: Jacob S]
ThisMan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/22/13
Posts: 767
Loc: upper south
Right on target with these observations and experiences. I am like all of you in that I NEVER EVER will share my experiences with friends or family again.

My closest brother said..."IF that happened...".... if, as in IF? I've never forgotten that phrase from two decades ago. ...."if that happened". Didn't tell anyone again for 20 yrs.

My closest friend said just a few months ago on the ONLY attempted conversation .. "that's tiresome..." He found it boring, of non-interest. I'm still trying to figure that one out.
_________________________
For now we see through a glass, darkly.



Top
#431114 - 04/13/13 01:05 PM Re: a little knowledge is a dangerous thing. [Re: Jacob S]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1540
It is sad there are so many "know it alls" who are really "know nothings". I have heard some comments just last night about dissociation and other aspects of the abuse that it is mind boggling--adults who teach and encourage their children with their lack of knowledge and understanding of CSA. As was said here, they have a little knowledge and they definitely are dangerous-they can destroy lives.

I have friends who I share some of the abuse, but not in detail--this I share in support and my T-but I am still guarded to some extent. To family, they know everything so I do not need to share with them--because I would be wrong, or it did not happen that way or CSA does not cause people to distrust, dissociate, self loath, self medicate and so on. I am waiting for them to be credited in the next DSM publication. It is scary.


Edited by KMCINVA (04/13/13 02:08 PM)

Top


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.