I want to die,
a permanent end to an enduring pain,
the pain who's waves crash over me every minute of every day,
I try to force my head above the murky water,
thinking of friends and family at my grave,
about not being selfish,
Unfortunately,I'm already dead
I do not smile,
I do not feel warm,
my head slips beneath the waves,
all I feel is pain and emptiness
Love left me alone,
she couldn't handle it,
and what about family?
My family argues that I just get over it
Would it be suicide or euthanasia?
Is it selfish for a cancer patient to beg for mercy from their enduring nightmare?
Am I wrong to want peace at last?
Catholics argue of hell,
but am I not already there?
Writhing in pain, no comfort, no rest, no mercy,
I stop fighting the ocean's cold grasp
Then my mind confronts me with the most damning of arguments...
This is what she would want,
the sociopath who broke my spirit,
it was never about her "illness"
It was only about hurting me in a way that I could not heal.
My worst enemy pushes me past the pain.
pure, untamed, insurmountable rage
it pushes me upwards, heating my chilled blood
I rise, higher, eyes burning in rage
I will survive
The best "F" you is making it out alive.
It may hurt like hell, but I will beat this shit
finally, I see the light from the surface,
There is a way out,
You will not stop me Erica
I will make it,
no matter what
Survival is the best revenge.