Hello one and all!
This is not so much an introduction as it is a reintroducing of myself (and my user name). I was originally on this forum many years ago under the user name 'gadzook'. (Now firefox).
The short of it all is;
I am a survivor of molestation and rape (happened all of my early years & throughout my teen years). I was doing just fine (and pretty much am doing just fine). However, things have come up recently in my life to lead me to seek out the support of the great people of this wonderful service/forum.
I considered myself a strong survivor. I helped other victims become survivors. It was a great feeling.
Now, I understand I didn't (and don't) have all the answers. Especially about my own recovery as a survivor.
I didn't realise I might need more support and guidance after I left therapy over 10 years ago. That I would run into questions I had no answers for.
You see, I knew about a victim becoming a survivor.
What I did not know about and nobody told me, was that I could & would, throughout my life, revert back to feeling like victim again, at times.
That it was normal to feel this way at times.
I thought these were feelings of weakness. I thought something was wrong with me. I would have loved to have been told that these feelings were possible. That it might be something I may and probably will have to live with. That it doesn't make me strange for feeling at times like a victim. That it makes me no less a survivor by feeling this way.
Well, that's kind of the short of it. I hope it makes some sense. I'm pretty rusty at putting my feelings/thoughts into words. So please bear with me.
Thank you all for your time!