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#430822 - 04/10/13 11:53 PM Re: I told my doctor [Re: DavoSwim]
DavoSwim Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/06/13
Posts: 313
Loc: Iowa, USA
Thank you very much for your support on this. I was just left dumbstruck by my doc's response. In the past he's been very, very helpful. He's been my only advocate at times for some serious health issues, and so my expectation was for more compassion. He's performed a colonoscopy on me, and I guess I thought that someone's who's shoved a scope up my ass would be someone I could trust with personal information. I've heard some good explanations for his behavior, such that he too may be a survivor or may have been just caught off guard. I don't know if he had to tell someone he had terminal cancer or had another patient die. On the other hand, doctors have to be trained to handle that. I couldn've said I am a drug addict, have an STD or even HIV. I think it's highly unlikely that in those cases, a doctor would classify those conditions as bad luck. CSA needs the same treatment. I will be forgiving for now. The truth is, I need to keep seeing him for prescription pain killers. I can't give those up. However, I don't have to expect compassion from him. It can merely be a transaction rather than a personal relationship. I will see how he acts at my next visit. One thing that is true is that you guys here are far more understanding and supportive and I'm glad to be here, since I have to deal with this shit. Thanks guys.
DavO

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#430829 - 04/11/13 12:39 AM Re: I told my doctor [Re: DavoSwim]
Dave PNW Online   content


Registered: 04/03/13
Posts: 109
Loc: Pacific Northwest
Hey Dave, Just wanted to say sorry to hear about how your doctor responded to your disclosure. After I posted my story last week, the compassion and support that you and others sent were like air. I am sorry someone you trusted and depended on to be a healer let you down. Take care. Dave

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#430865 - 04/11/13 10:03 AM Re: I told my doctor [Re: DavoSwim]
csasurvivor1992 Offline


Registered: 03/25/13
Posts: 132
Loc: Texas
Davo,

I like your reply above. It's quite perceptive. It sounds like you were expecting compassion from him and obviously didn't get it. I work with surgeons, I'm a sales rep, and some of them are just plain batty. Good surgeons, GREAT surgeons, just not so much on the bedside manner. I'm sorry to hear your disclosure was treated like a random fact... it certainly is not just a random fact.

I am learning with my T what I can expect from different people in my life. I have just started dealing with the painful memories I've always carried with me and I want people who can help bring me up when I am down. As I learned this, it took AWHILE (I am very hardheaded smile ) I expected the world to stop and come support me. I expected everyone to be understanding and back off their expectations of me (what I later learned were expectations I perceived) Ultimately, I learned that I cannot predict anyone's response and that their compassion or lack thereof doesn't validate what I'm going through. I've freed everyone around me from any personal responsibility to deal with what I'm dealing with. Crazy enough, as I reset my expectations, I continue to share, I continue to receive encouragement. It's really kind of nice.

Your doc's response, or lack of a compassionate one, is certainly unexpected. But it certainly doesn't un-validate what you're dealing with. You are a strong man and so very courageous for telling him at all. You've helped me understand my various issues and have been a great support to me.

I wish the best for you as you work this out. You are an amazing brother and I'm glad that we've connected!
_________________________
May your past be the sound of your feet upon the ground, carry on. ~Fun.

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#430868 - 04/11/13 10:20 AM Re: I told my doctor [Re: DavoSwim]
DavoSwim Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/06/13
Posts: 313
Loc: Iowa, USA
csasurvivor
Thanks for your perspective. I learned something about what to expect from others about my situation. Also, thanks for the kinds words.
DavO

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#430869 - 04/11/13 10:34 AM Re: I told my doctor [Re: DavoSwim]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6353
Loc: 2 NATO Nations
Dave,

I've not read the other resonses yet, so forgive any redundancy here.

I'll be delicate and subtle ... Your doc is a deuche-bag ! He's no advocate for you. What you've seen in the past from him only appeared to be Dave-focused. They are all about money, and what you presented to him isn't gonna result in anything for him.

The prick KNOWS he responded fully inappropriately and does not care. Don't let him off the hook! You presented him with news that your body and soul were once nuked, and the fallout is here now. ANYONE who sluffs that off is a *unt by his nature, but when a medical professional does that...they reveal themselves as a special kind of *unt.

Imagine how he responds to a 17-yo or a 10-yo who reveals CSA? He's likely the type that is proficient at sweeping it all sub-rug!

I'd send him a nad-kick note and leave that fkr, as you will need a good GP who can integrate knowledge and understanding of your CSA-trauma into your overall health care.

Next time, I'll let my true feelings be known.
_________________________
Jesus Loves The Hell Outta Me!

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#430973 - 04/12/13 03:43 AM Re: I told my doctor [Re: DavoSwim]
Rj2660 Offline


Registered: 03/13/13
Posts: 22
Loc: Texas
Who knows, he may have bees through csa himself and has never dealt with it in his own life. At best, seems he just didn't know how to handle it. Though he has been a great Doctor, doesn't mean he is good in a situation like this. Also, you never know after he digest is somewhat, he will may bring it up again later. I'm certainly not defending him and understand why you feel as you do. I have a very similar, long standing relationship with mine also and accompanied by an ongoing neuromuscular disease that he has been wonderful through. I can't imagine ever bringing this out to him.

I think maybe he just didn't know what to say and that it was nothing to do with you at all.
_________________________
If someone throws trash on my lawn and drives away, it is mine to deal with. I make the decision whether to collect it or take responsibility for cleaning it up. We are the sum of our choices. For some, these were thrust upon us at an age when we were not qualified to take such resposibility. R.J.

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