It isn't supposed to happen to girls either!
The difference is in your statement where you said a boy isn't supposed to let it happen. Why do men think they let it happen when so obviously, at least in my husband's case, he had no choice. He suffers with that so.....the I let it happen thing. No amount of reason gets through on this.
Is that what you were asking for? I know in my situation, I don't beat myself over what happened to me by saying "y did I let it happen" I guess that is the difference between men and women. I don't think society expects us (women) to be able to protect ourselves at all times (which is insulting in it's own right) but for some reason men are not ever to allow themselves to be put in a vulnerable position EVEN when they have no choice. All fucked up if you ask me.
My broader point is that the statement "Its not supposed to happen to boys" is that the internal voice of the friend or family is saying "boys are not supposed to let that happen."
I consider that to be a fact
and not a paranoia
in that I can interpret HOW they use the term.
The mentality behind the statement also bolsters shame and silence with the victim. In fact, in the 1970s, it pretty well guaranteed
shame & silence.
Further, my situation went on for 7-years. knee-jerk reactionaries think or SAY, "WTF?? How did you let it go on for so long? WHY did you let it go on for so long." The divorce court appointed psychologist even asked these questions and seemed clueless as to the common, inherent reasons.
Police detectives taking your statement will actually ask that...but its not always based upon moronic ignorance. Its sometimes meant to show you how horrid a criminal cross-examination can be. Defense lawyers cross examine with direct "how did you _______ " questions."Hey 17-yo boy, you say that this went on from age 7 till when you were 14??? Maybe you could explain to the jury why you let it go on for so long...maybe you can tell the jury why you never stopped it...please explain to the jury why you continued to return to the perpetrator..."
Back on track here: Some men were strong as boys. Some men were strong as boys AND never
physically vanquished. Thus, they have nothing in their experiential brain vaults to identify with when hearing such accounts of abuse.